tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17127384897976086252024-03-13T14:28:33.635-04:00Wikkid ThoughtsEx-Plymouth Brethren, fundamentalist-raised Canadian indulges himself in passionate yet focusless musings on meaning.Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.comBlogger551125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-28543655854365300862019-06-23T11:00:00.002-04:002019-06-23T17:21:23.472-04:00More On That<div style="text-align: justify;">
In my youth, fundamentalist Christians had a lot of tribal behaviours that marked them out as "specially enlightened." They had a symbol (the Christian fish, seen on bumper stickers, t-shirts, wrist-bands and flags) to mark them out as being more clued in and virtuous than regular, run-of-the-mill folks. Someone might say "We're so excited. We're going to see [insert 90s band/rapper here] next week!" and they'd have to say "We saw [insert Christian ripoff of same here] last month. They really rocked" to show that they were part of a different tribe.</div>
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And when they got mocked or generally treated like outsiders by anyone, they got a slightly proud, stubborn glint in their eyes. They knew, deep down, that beyond all the social stuff, the lack of understanding, the everyone not getting what was cool about what they were part of, THEY at least could be (spiritually*) above all the social stuff, have a deeper understanding, and just know that what they were part of was, in some special way, FAR more cool than what all the other folks were enjoying of a weekend.</div>
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And they were continually wanting you to join them. Wear their merch, listen to the music, go to see guest speakers parrot the slogans they'd heard taught by a charismatic speakers they'd paid to see. They weren't good at conversations. (Not ones where people got to leave, amicably, with differing opinions, anyway.) </div>
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Well, I'm seeing a whole lot of this again, but this time it's not fundamentalist Christians who are doing it. They're not the main tribe subjecting the rest of us to smug, endless preaching. They're not the ones with all the tribe identifiers, available for sale now. (There's nothing wrong with joining a tribe. Tribes can do good. But they're not intended to be for everyone, and mostly they're about fitting in and feeling in some way better than outsiders.)<br />
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Back in the day, we used to claim to get enlightened, we used to claim to see the light or get born again. Which we thought really set us apart from regular, unspecial folks who hadn't yet been awakened to what we were so into.<br />
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Nowadays? We get woke. (White straight people do, anyway. Black people can't. Gay people can't.)<br />
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Unpopular thoughts for white, straight people in particular: Please, to bowdlerize Jesus here: don't rebrand yourself/market/advertise yourself as especially supertolerant. Don't. Just "be excellent to each other." Let the gay and trans people you encounter decide how well they thought you treated them, rather than wearing anything that announces you as a New York Times Best Seller, Blockbuster Hit of the Summer, Gold Standard of tolerance/Superfriend ally. Don't teach kids that civil treatment of people who are different from they are is in any way special, or somehow worthy of some kind of pat on the head.<br />
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Above all, please don't make a profit selling anything that lets as many people as possible go out and feel like they're making the world a better place by doing just that. Because to make a thing a Thing often makes it a fad. And fads are very short-lived. Instead, let's actually make it a thing. Just a regular thing. An everyday thing. An unremarkable, unremarked upon thing. Like recycling. Or not smoking. No t-shirt needed.<br />
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If you're gay, you might enjoy a parade to go spend time with your tribe. I will respectfully wish you a good time there, but not try to score any tolerance points by advertising some bogus, groundless claim of peripheral connectedness to that tribe. Catholics do mass. Leafs fans cheer for goals. Scottish people do Highland Games. Indigenous people do potlatches, sweatlodges and powwows. Gay people do PRIDE. That makes sense to me. I'm going to be over here not wearing a crucifix, war bonnet, Leaf jersey or rainbow wristband. (I'm not even going to wear a kilt or go to Octoberfest or the Cenotaph on Remembrance Day, though I have some claim on that stuff being part of my actual culture.)<br />
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Simply being a Christian doesn't make it not bragging to wear a shirt announcing a special level of spiritual correctness, devotedness, awareness, involvedness or enlightenment It's still obnoxious and transparent. I feel the same about people being gay or trans and advertising themselves are being on an elevated level of tolerance and understanding. Let's not do any of that. Let's be a whole bunch of different people who enjoy being different and leave each other alone. Let us be excellent to one another without ushering in the dawning of the age of Aquarius with a marching band, t-shirts, armbands, school songs, secret handshakes and membership lists. Let's just treat each other well without bragging about it or making any special announcements.<br />
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Recycling? Not really something to brag about anymore. Because we just all do it now, most of us.<br />
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That's what I think, anyway.<br />
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* spiritually: in one's imagination</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-83805152143035288442018-12-08T12:28:00.002-05:002018-12-09T19:35:17.370-05:00They Are Not Amused: Underlying Religious Impulses<div style="text-align: justify;">
Does anyone read blogs anymore? Hard to know. Leave a comment?</div>
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I was thinking again. And I read <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjdsPbu1pDfAhXQdN8KHVgOAKsQxfQBMAF6BAgAEAM&url=http%3A%2F%2Fnymag.com%2Fintelligencer%2F2018%2F12%2Fandrew-sullivan-americas-new-religions.html&usg=AOvVaw0apxMnpr_C0GKiHdceWJ1i">this thought-provoking article</a> by Andrew Sullivan today, and had that old familiar feeling. That feeling of having been thinking the same sort of thing myself for some time, and not knowing if anyone but me was on the same page. I don't have anything quite the same to offer, but here is an account of my own related experiences:</div>
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As I've written about before at length, I grew up in the kind of Christian church where it was not ok to say "Merry Christmas." In fact, though I grew up in a Protestant church whose doctrine wasn't terribly different from any other such place in practice, there were definitely some oddities people raised Mormon or Jehovah's Witness might recognize:</div>
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Avoidance of the word "church" and "pastor" and "sermon" and "Christmas" and so on were all How It Was Done. This meant that we certainly went to church every Sunday and listened to sermons by men who were functioning as pastors, but we didn't <i>call </i>any of it that. Predictably, this meant all of it happened in a cloud of deniability George Orwell would have recognized. The sentence "I didn't agree with what the pastor said in his Christmas sermon at church this week" simply couldn't exist. You'd be left with "I didn't agree ____ this week."</div>
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Needless to say, not only were "Christmas" and "church" on the list of words that decent, clued-in, accepted insiders did not use (about our <i>own </i>activities anyway, having "holiday" or "winter" events, rather than "Christmas" ones like other less spiritually enlightened groups), but the usual swear words, racial epithets and body-function words were all of course verboten as well, especially if you wanted to keep your status as a public figure.</div>
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Our group was status-based, like any other human group, and so there were all of these words and ideas that were viewed as "problematic" and would end up getting one de-platformed and publicly shunned and shamed and generally cut out of the dating pool. (I know of what I speak) I grew up seeing the thing happen, where guys would tour around the country, teaching our non-church church groups their understanding of Christianity, but then a single misstep in terms of word choice or concept, a fair or unfair association with someone or something deemed problematic, and that man disappeared from public view, within that church world, reputation irrevocably destroyed. "Bad teaching." "Bad doctrine." "Heresy." It was always a man speaking as it was a patriarchy, but it was the sort of patriarchy in which women had an equal opportunity to be offended by anything, and character assassinate people right along with the men. And character assassinate they did. Humourlessly.</div>
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It was like a contest in which those who found the most things offensive or problematic were the who'd woken up spiritually, and those who didn't claim to feel that offence were manifestly spiritually asleep, and obviously, troublingly part of toxic, befouled mainstream society, rather than our enlightened subgroup.</div>
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Humour was a particularly sticky area. Humour was never really used much for sermons, which were about reverence and correctness and sacrifice, and were not about our entertainment or catharsis. But in personal life too, one had to be in very carefully chosen company to get away with telling or repeating jokes with a sexual, religious, drunken or body-function based punchline. Being witty or funny did not really gain one any status as a public figure in our group. Sisters, cousins, aunts and friend's brothers might alike suddenly get the serious face and "have a word" about the incorrectness of one's speech and deportment.</div>
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Of course, in theory you could <i>always </i>do or say whatever you liked, but you had to be ready for some gimlet-eyed person to bring a truly Victorian attitude into the conversation, and hint broadly (or state plainly) that your speech or your humour was evidence of you being a bad person, and clearly too much a comfortable, unthinking part of the evil, flawed system that was society, rather than carefully separate from it, in our church that we didn't call church. That you were poisoning and corrupting the conversation, if not the room itself with your toxic contributions.</div>
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I'm sure you can see where I'm headed with all of this: In my 20s, I "wandered" into the evil system that was late 20th century Western society, with its music and alcohol, its rape and theft and addictions and mental illness and toxic, corrupting content in movies, music and television, all ready to enjoy the freedom I thought would be out here. I thought I'd be able to listen to whatever songs I liked, watch whatever TV shows and movies I wanted, and talk to or hang out with whomever I liked, even publicly talking about religion, sex, body-functions or whatever, without someone going sour-faced and telling me they saw certain evidence that I was a bad person, and clearly part of the evil system that is society. Without anyone deciding I was unfit to have respect, a voice, a job, a relationship.</div>
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Well, I'm not sure I need to write the rest of this. I think you know how the world outside my prim, censorious, stiff, culty little church looks to me, now that I'm out here.</div>
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I'll just say that noted atheist and wit Stephen Fry's main complaint about the language policing of modern society is that it is sanctimonious, anti-humour and dryly pious. Takes itself terribly seriously and punishes anyone who laughs at it or anything it has decided is sacred. Well, I'm seeing neo-Victorianism all around, with things like gender and sexual orientation replacing the old issues of sexuality as Things Best Not To Talk About and Certainly Far Too Important To Use Humour To Explore Our Feelings About.<br />
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I'm seeing an enforced consensus of a particular brand of social uprightness that neither I, nor anyone I know, got to vote upon. </div>
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Sobering fact: I sacrificed acceptance in my birth culture, with its clear nostalgia for/insistence upon Victorian propriety, hymns and sermons (and Elizabethan translations of the bible), in order to get something new, and to get room to breathe. To taste more freedom. To taste life. The one thing I thought I could count on about life in the world outside my church sect was that it would not be careful, humourless and boring.</div>
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Well, it doesn't feel terribly different out here now. Not nearly different enough. And none of this "new wokeness" feels at all new to me. Quite the opposite. Little has changed. They are not amused. Still.</div>
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<br />Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-19160255527643345722018-09-30T09:52:00.003-04:002018-09-30T18:44:44.128-04:00Faith and Trust in the Mob<div data-contents="true" style="text-align: justify;">
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<span class="_247o" data-offset-key="dmusa-0-0" spellcheck="false" start="0"><span data-offset-key="dmusa-0-0"><span data-text="true">This was a long Facebook post, so I decided to put it on here:</span></span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="dmusa-1-0"><span data-text="true">I think that our society was built by a whole lot of people, including ancient Greeks and Romans, Arabs and Africans, Celts and other indigenous peoples. I think we have kept most of the good stuff, and are still in the process of getting rid of some vestigial bad stuff. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="90vvl-0-0"><span data-text="true">I believe in metaphors of roots and foundations. I think one of the worst things that happened during the transatlantic slave trade was that African people were cut off from their roots so that even now it is hard to rebuild any of that for anyone. I suspect Alex Haley would agree.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="biouh-0-0"><span data-text="true">So the idea that we flail around and lash out blindly without forethought or plan, and just smash the old seems like a really bad idea. The idea that we call 2018 Western society as a whole “the patriarchy“ is hugely disrespectful to all of the women (like Marie Curie, Jane Austen, Queen Victoria, the suffragettes and all the other women throughout history) who worked to make modern society what it is. And to women currently devoting their lives to The System. Women with impressive titles and qualifications earned in it. Science is pretty useful, and is hardly 100% the creation of male people or European colonizers. Same thing with democracy and psychology and philosophy and economics and mathematics and literature and drama.Society shouldn't be lightly dismantled with no real agreement as to what to build in its place. Pretty sure no one wants to lump Oprah Winfrey and Ellen DeGeneres into the terms "privilege" or "patriarchy," yet they are part of Western society.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="35bh5-0-0"><span data-text="true">So what I would like to see is the goal of including more people, rather than the smashing of what has been built. And I firmly believe that it is possible for us to include more people, and that it is equally possible, and historically far more likely that we could start a second Victorian Era, Middle Ages, or Stone Age, by misusing our wonderful technology or democratic or economic systems. Be careful with that stuff. Some of us are still using it to feed ourselves. And its a bit of a game of Jenga. (Please don't get me fired for having written this blog)</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="93tg7-0-0"><span data-text="true">One of the things that a hard look at the much more problematic parts of the world reveals, is that the outcome of overthrowing a somewhat oppressive, “mixed bag” government can be far worse than leaving it alone, if one isn’t careful. In Iran and Russia and countless South American and African nations, the mob (sometimes incited by a foreign government like Britain or America) rose up and overthrew a slanted, inequitable society, destroying everything and resulting in chaos, confusion, pain and death(leaving the country unlivable), only to have tyranny then take advantage of the chaos and start the whole process over again, only worse. Chile, Cuba, Rwanda, Argentina, Iran etc. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="appj3-0-0"><span data-text="true">France, even. Do we want The Terrors again on any scale at all?</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="hj71-0-0"><span data-text="true">I guess I have limitless faith in the human predilection for going WAY too far, and not knowing when to stop. I have NO faith in the mercy of mobs out looking for payback. It is very easy to get angry and outraged and stirred up into a mob frenzy and smash a mixed bag of good and bad things into a useless bag of broken things with sharp edges. I am not optimistic about outrage or mobs crying for change.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="4aaie-0-0"><span data-text="true">I am not hopeful as to the potential of mobs to create. To be fair. To heal things. To be wise or sensible. To make anything that will last.</span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="4aaie-0-0"><span data-text="true">People are telling and hearing different narratives. So, which one has deeper emotional resonance for you?:<br /></span></span><br />
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</span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="4aaie-0-0"><span data-text="true"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> a) people are at heart mean and oppressive and selfish by nature, and
laws and witnesses, courts, committees and accountability need to be maintained.
The future holds more of that ugly stuff we know from the past, given what has
not been expunged from out history books. The vulnerable being forgotten at
best and oppressed and exploited at worst. Mobs tearing down structure, only to
have worse tyrants with better technology and strategies replace them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new, scarier, more subversive form of
control. Bad news all around. (we were raised with this one)</span></span></span></div>
<span data-offset-key="4aaie-0-0"><span data-text="true">
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> b) people are at heart, good, and anything else we see is mainly from
upbringing and social conditioning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The future holds better
information, better socialization, and a whole lot more inclusion and equity
all around. A kindler, gentler kind of human being. We will win because our
ideas are fresh and right, while they are old and will die out with their
outmoded dinosaur nonsense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good news
all around. (we were not raised with this one, but it’s popular right now.)</span></div>
</span></span></div>
</div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="dkt9p-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="dkt9p-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
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<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="22ohi" data-offset-key="7ksqr-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7ksqr-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7ksqr-0-0"><span data-text="true">Things are comparatively good right now, in the context of the entire world, in the context of all of human history. To say otherwise is the definition of privilege. To say we can make it better? We had better.</span></span></div>
</div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="dsqqh-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="dsqqh-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9o80h-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="9o80h-0-0"><span data-text="true">And I think it’s relevant, when trying to create a more equitable future, to ask what Nelly McClung would think of it.</span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-90489766390795887252018-03-10T11:58:00.002-05:002018-03-11T17:58:27.717-04:00Core Virtues<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7NvuHLHvckQ/WqQL5WXFuhI/AAAAAAAABbg/WDv6UXwmd-0MbTgZP9vqoilB8hDM4-ptACLcBGAs/s1600/jessica-jones-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="546" data-original-width="970" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7NvuHLHvckQ/WqQL5WXFuhI/AAAAAAAABbg/WDv6UXwmd-0MbTgZP9vqoilB8hDM4-ptACLcBGAs/s320/jessica-jones-4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm bingeing <i>Jessica Jones</i> Season Two, and I noted two episodes in, that the central theme (just as Season One's was "consent") is clearly "dealing with the past/your shit." (and "keeping self-control so you don't repeat past mistakes" and "women being vicious and men being weak.")</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It strikes me that this "dealing" thing is a sacred cow of mine. A core virtue. And core virtues can make us stupid. We put our pet virtue up above all other considerations, and we get tipped off balance. By something important, but not all-important. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We can prioritize "rights" so much that we lose sight of the necessity for "responsibilities." We can prioritize "diversity" so much we lose sight of the importance of "unity/being able to work together." For many of us, there's only room for one sacred cow. Being balanced and open is hard.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thing is, when we follow one core virtue and neglect all the other ones, we are easily, as a society, polarized into two or more warring groups who can't even talk to one another, let alone work together. We rally around the flag of "free speech" or "the family" or "social justice" and we fail to notice that that flag is in a little livestock pen. That we've been penned in. Divided, we fall more easily.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
One time, I was troubled by a person who clearly didn't deal with anything problematic, whose life axiom is "Think happy thoughts. If it's not a happy thought, don't think about it and it will likely go away. It does no good to think about troubling things." And so I spoke of needing to "deal." I felt pretty responsible and adult pointing that out. Because I've seen m any, many TV shows about people fleeing their troubled pasts.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But right away, I was asked what "dealing" even means. ("What even is "dealing"?) And I realized I was having trouble even thinking, let alone explaining to a closed-minded objector, about what my core virtue ("deal with problematic stuff, or it will become your Jungian nemesis figure") really meant. I just believed in it passionately without knowing why. And people who don't deal with anything make me very uneasy.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This is very cultural. It's my growing up strenuously objecting to a church culture in which one wasn't to ever discuss anything we didn't already know we'd agree upon, lest there be "discussion." "Discussion" (but not communication or "dealing") broke out in my church and it blew up. It was successfully quelled in my family by my father, who had seen discussion and trying to speak about troubling stuff break out in his own family growing up, and watched it all end in acrimonious divorce. The lesson, he felt, was "there's no use arguing." So to this day, we don't talk much. It's my watching generations of not dealing with anything reach critical mass and implode. It's watching situations at jobs and more social ones go nuclear because of a collective policy of passive aggression and snark over blunt directness, of adhering to a long list of topics not to be broached or in any way dealt with. Of fearing "dealing."</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But it's a personal core virtue. A sacred cow. Something to watch out for. Because there's other stuff. Other stuff that's also important. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Back to Jessica Jones and her superheroic jeans.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-61888155920365740142018-01-13T19:34:00.000-05:002018-01-13T22:11:42.808-05:00What the Urge to Create is Fueled By (According to G.K. Chesterton)<br />
<div data-contents="true">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_Q3nOJUg2eQ/WlqlGUTSkUI/AAAAAAAABbQ/4omHleSB8sQicLJcyqukbRcOF31sQ6DWgCLcBGAs/s1600/Fiddlers_green.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_Q3nOJUg2eQ/WlqlGUTSkUI/AAAAAAAABbQ/4omHleSB8sQicLJcyqukbRcOF31sQ6DWgCLcBGAs/s320/Fiddlers_green.jpg" width="235" /></a></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="28ddo-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="28ddo-0-0"><span data-text="true"> "Once I remember walking with a prosperous publisher, who made a remark which I have often heard before; it is, indeed, almost a motto of our modern world. I had heard it once too often, and I saw suddenly that there was nothing in it.</span></span></div>
</div>
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<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="93ril-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="93ril-0-0"><span data-text="true"> The publisher said of somebody, "That man will get on; he believes in himself."</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="4ub6v-0-0"><span data-text="true"> And I remember as I lifted my head to listen, my eye caught an omnibus on which was written "Hanwell" [Insane Asylum]. I said to him "Shall I tell you where the men are who believe most in themselves? For I can tell you. I know of men who believe in themselves more colossally than Napoleon or Caesar. I know where flames the fixed star of certainty and success. I can guide you to the thrones of the super-men. The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums." </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="2q4u5-0-0"> <span data-text="true">He said mildly that there were a good number of men after all who believed in themselves and were not in lunatic asylums.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="chl6i-0-0"> <span data-text="true"> "Yes, there are" I retorted, "and you of all people ought to know them. That drunken poet from who you would not take a dreary tragedy, he believed in himself. That elderly minister with an epic from whom you were hiding in a back room, he believed in himself. If you consider your business sense instead of your ugly individualistic philosophy, you would know that believing in himself is one of the commonest signs of a rotter. Actors who can't act believe in themselves; and debtors who won't pay. It would be much truer to say that a man will certainly fail because he believes in himself. Complete self-confidence is not merely a sin; complete self-confidence is a weakness. Believing utterly in one's self is a hysterical and superstitious belief like believing in Joanna Southcote [a self-proclaimed religious prophetess of the Victorian era]: the man who has it has "Hanwell" written on his face as it is written on that omnibus."</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="2u1je-0-0"><span data-text="true"> And to this my friend the publisher made this very deep and effective reply, "Well, if a man is not to believe in himself, in what is he to believe?"</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="d0ckn-0-0"><span data-text="true"> After a long pause I replied "I will go home and write a book in answer to that question." This is the book that I have written in answer to it."</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="88eqn-0-0"><span data-text="true">-G.K. Chesterton's "Orthodoxy"</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="88eqn-0-0"><span data-text="true">And yet, sometimes it's healthy to pursue madness. Because there is a form of grey, ground-down, deathly sanity that is far worse than any madness. Better to let that madness coalesce into some shareable, forwardable, downloadable, streamable form and spread it to the world. </span></span><br />
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<span data-offset-key="88eqn-0-0"><span data-text="true">(But to be fair, Chesterton wouldn't have called that madness, really. He was a fan of expression and creativity. I just felt for those untalented hacks who believed in their own work and yearned to share it with an uncaring world. Because I used to and I miss that.)</span></span></div>
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Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-43323315660420012272018-01-02T11:56:00.005-05:002018-01-13T01:03:28.713-05:00Why I Liked the Individual Bits that made up "The Last Jedi," but Hated the Movie Pretty Hard<div style="text-align: justify;">
needless to say, SPOILERS.</div>
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This isn't a blog post. It's a copied and pasted Facebook comment that seemed to keep growing:</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JSkwuh3gLys/Wku2Me5ET_I/AAAAAAAABbA/7vnCPrMfdHIgQTJetYSmHKo_Oh9lorxvQCLcBGAs/s1600/Last%2BJedi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="928" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JSkwuh3gLys/Wku2Me5ET_I/AAAAAAAABbA/7vnCPrMfdHIgQTJetYSmHKo_Oh9lorxvQCLcBGAs/s320/Last%2BJedi.jpg" width="247" /></a><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><i>The Last Jedi</i> was FULL of really fun bits which all added up to
inconsequential nothing or transparent and pointless stalling to fill out the time, and
often felt like nothing less than a targeted attack
upon/dismantling/strip-mining/fracking of the original movies. It felt like it was always rushed in presenting things that ultimately didn't matter anyway. Many of the scenes could simply have been cut with no effect whatsoever on what passed for an overall story or direction. There was nothing holding the characters back from enacting the space climax scene at some point before the movie had started/before all the casualties became necessary.</span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">The main thing that many viewers felt, without even going all analytical on it, is the fact that movies of this kind are built on <b>dramatic setups,</b> followed (sometimes in the next film) by <b>satisfying, climactic payoffs</b>. <i>The Last Jedi </i>started by rubbing the viewers' noses in the fact that it was going to be built around a large number of dramatic setups, including ones brought forward from the previous movie... followed by a series of jumbled letdowns. You could almost hear the sound of a balloon deflating with each one. And sometimes, rather than a hugely disappointing payoff, there was just a whole lot of nothing. No payoff at all. </span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Now, that's just bad storytelling. Subverts expectations, alright. By not delivering on a promise, thereby pissing viewers off and leaving them feeling tricked and misled. And by a bad storyteller, not by a genuinely innovative, creative or clever spinner of space yarns. One whose story somehow made less sense than <i>The Phantom Menace</i>.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Worst failing of all, Rey, the film's protagonist, is lovely and charming and well acted, but the characterization is boring as hell. At least we knew little Jake Lloyd was going to grow up to be Darth Vader. Rey seems like she'll never grow to become anything, neither bad nor good. She seems to think she is Mary Poppins, already perfectly perfect in every way.</span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><i>Writing 101: Rey needs conflict. </i> She needs to at least have the risk of maybe losing. At some point. She needs to have to try again after failing, for example, having a hand cut off. (almost every interesting <i>Star Wars</i> character is improved by having a hand cut off.) </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">What Rey does not need is to be tediously right all the time about everything, and beat everyone at everything all the time. She can beat Kylo Ren at light saber duelling. She is wiser than Luke or Yoda and doesn't actually need either of them. She doesn't need jedi lessons. When the time comes, it seems she ought to be the one training Luke. (I know, in the age of millennial falcons, she's "just special" like <i>all </i>girls are special, and her gender is supposed to be deeply empowering, all on its own. Like Jonathan Pageau points out, she's the best at everything, from the beginning, and better than all the guys, just because she just is. She came like that. No lessons need to be learned. She simply needs to be freed and she'll empower herself, once toxic male Fynn stops grabbing her by the hand and trying to save her, not seeing her unique value and the fact that she never needs to be saved. (Not like him, Kylo, Luke and the other dudes). Success at no cost. No austere Jedi lifestyle here. Just free, inborn empowerment. The millennial dream. What an important lesson for girls!) </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">But meanwhile in movieland, the character is crying out for some depth. Not just an empty McGuffin. Right now she's failing to keep up with Watto and Boss Nass for depth. In fact, she's tied for last place with Bossk, IG88 and Salacious Crumb. At this point her parents might as well be Female Rebel Soldier #3 and Bespin City's Lobot for how much we're able to care about them. It doesn't matter. The "Rey's parents" thing is as boring and pointless and misleading as everything else. The fact that we're supposed to care about a backstory that's being withheld years longer even than "Who is Luke's father?" is ruined by the fact that the movie isn't explained by, and does not require its characters to <i>have </i>backstories. It's too busy whizzing around in CG space, in a terrible mad rush to tell us... nothing much of anything at all.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">In a good movie, like <i>Empire</i>, the Empire strikes back... and wins. And the hero fails. In this movie? The New Order strikes back. And... boringly, fails. After all the buildup, Snoke fails. Kylo Ren fails. Luke fails. Poe fails. Finn fails. You know who doesn't fail? The hero. Rey. And, even more boringly, she doesn't really win either. She just... nothings. The Vice Admiral wins hugely, overshadowing Luke's shadowplay, by topping him for being right and being a martyr and saving everyone. Now why didn't she tell Poe she was going to do it, and do it before the film started?</span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><br />In 1977, <i>Star
Wars: A New Hope</i> was a movie full of subverted tropes and unexpected reversals
and innovated gender roles, especially for its time. But the Gen Xer one-trick pony's only trick is
to reverse or flip expectations. And that's it. The troll, pirate, vampire, robot,
witch, serial killer or demon is <i>actually </i>a supa cool brooding anti-hero you'll be cheering for. The charming prince, noble knight,
helpful priest, heroic vampire-hunter, hero, cop or military general is <i>actually</i>... the Bad Guy! (this was surprising for the first decade or so. Until it became Every Time.) And all of the
2 dimensional characters' genders could be inverted without changing anything else about the
characters whatsoever. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Post modernism. It's all about flipping everything. Mother Knows Best in Tim the Toolman Taylor's house. The reptilian ninjas from the New York sewers are pizza-scarfing saviours rather than the terrifying unnatural threat. The werewolf plays basketball. Starsky and Hutch are buffoons. Charlie Brown and friends swear and fart instead of being
sweet and telling the true meaning of Christmas (<i>South Park</i>). Give it a try: think of something pre-90s, and turn everything on its head. Dorothy is actually the villain of Oz, and the "witch" is the hero. The Sheriff of Nottingham is a fair ruler with a dangerous outlaw bandit to contend with, troubling his woods. Tarzan is an African tribeswoman descended from a line of female chiefs, but who is shipwrecked in England where she needs to run a corporation. The Hardy Girls are sisters who narrowly escape being caught smuggling counterfeiting plates. </span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">George Lucas was
ahead of his time doing this "subverted expectations" stuff in the 70s,
when <i>The Princess Bride</i> and <i>Shrek </i>and <i>Spawn, Twilight, Dexter</i> and
<i>Deadpool </i>wouldn't hit the screen for a decade or so. He was at least fifteen years ahead of most of his peers in the industry. He was doing <i>Oedipus </i>instead of Prince Charming. Luke was in danger of killing his father and marrying his sister (and the prophet/oracle figure wasn't warning him, even though <i>it hadn't happened yet </i>and Obiwan and Yoda both knew. Weird.) Now, a Gen Xer is going to feel all edgy "flipping" all of that. Flipping <i>Oedipus</i>.<br /><br />But:
If you try to flip <i>Star Wars: A New Hope</i> and the next two movies upside
down, you simply turn it back right-side-up again, back to a much more traditional fairy tale.
You get more old-fashioned female characters. One-dimensional male heroes and villains. Galactic senators are all males again.
The Empire isn't a racist and sexist tyranny anymore, but has become an oddly diverse, equal opportunity group of space Nazis. </span></span></span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Vader is secretly Luke's evil uncle, who killed Anakin Skywalker (Luke's father and the rightful king). </span></span></span>Greedo shoots first, and Luke gets shanghaied off Tatooine to slave away aboard the Colonial Falcon, under the shifty pirate bootlegger Han Solo and his bestial first mate, Chewbacca, who wields a space whip. </span></span></span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Luke
has to kill the treacherous Han Solo and does, defeating his henchman
Chewbacca first, to escape and continue his adventure to kill his evil uncle Vader, and marry the princess.</span></span></span></span></span></span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"> R2D2
doesn't understand anything and therefore needs everything explained to
him by the smarter, sensible C3P0, which is all supposed to be very
cute. </span></span></span>The witch/Emperor is female again, and merely assists King Vader rather than being his superior. The wise woman/oracle isn't Yoda
anymore. The princess doesn't use a weapon and doesn't run the war anymore.
Alderaan is saved in the last act. The Rebellion is run by a man again,
instead of the venerable Mon Mothma. Luke is secretly a prince, and gets the girl
(Leia) in the end, and she isn't his sister. Luke has to kill Vader in a light saber
battle, and does. Jabba is an empress/madam/evil queen/female trader. The helpless Ewoks need to be saved from the Empire entirely,
rather than just being helped out a bit. </span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">If you "flip" <i>Oedipus</i>, you get the story of a young woman who is killed by her mother and whose father doesn't, therefore, marry her. (Or something else that doesn't work. That is trying way too hard to be clever, but lacks the gears to get up that hill.) </span></span></span><br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Not terribly helpful if you want to make the true threat to the Resistance/Rebellion Lite the evil "toxic masculinity" (<b>toxic <i>Star Wars</i> masculinity:</b> running around with sabers and blasters, flying too fast, risking your life and disobeying the overcautious, controlling older adult figures who don't get it, which one would recognize from any other Disney movie, and, say, <i>Harry Potter</i>). </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Here, for your edification are two articles celebrating 2017's use of nerd properties to throw a preachy, tedious spotlight on toxic masculinity: <a href="http://www.denofgeek.com/us/movies/star-wars/269657/toxic-masculinity-is-the-true-villain-of-star-wars-the-last-jedi" target="_blank">First</a>, <a href="https://www.thedailybeast.com/how-science-fiction-slapped-down-toxic-masculinity-in-2017" target="_blank">second</a>.<br /><br />And... if you flip things, it's not a star <i>war
</i>anymore. It's fleeing refugees and suicide bombers, rather than rebel soldiers with military attacks. Rey doesn't get to be "Commander Rey." </span></span></span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Vice Admiral Holdo can't be bothered with boots, medals or a uniform with insignia.</span></span></span><i><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"> </span></span></span>Star Wars</i> becomes <i>Star
Trek</i>, with mostly talking/arguing, and insoluble ethical dilemmas. Kirk/</span></span></span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">Vice Admiral Holdo opts for <i>not </i>sending out a fighter craft with the hopes of the movement resting on the shoulders of one lone hero, but instead, prefers to do things like sacrifice the Rebel base ship Enterprise, set on self-destruct, to blow up the enemy ship/threat to the Federation. In <i>Star Trek</i>, this threat is usually the work of less evolved,
testosterone-poisoned neanderthal aliens who can't stop raging long enough to sit
down and talk/work things out. Beings who haven't been told that the future, and the past in a galaxy long long ago and far, far away, are alike female. After saving everyone, Spock/Luke/Holdo dies, with the possibility of appearing in the next movie anyway. <i>Star Wars III: The Search for Luke. </i>(Put a Gen Xer on the job of jawa-ing the movies and Kirk sacrifices his life for 3 minutes instead of Spock dying for real, and instead of Leia being shot with a stun blaster by a stormtrooper while talking with R2D2, Leia shoots her best rebel soldier in the head with a stun blaster and R2D2 doesn't have anything much to say about anything at all. What a twist!)<i><br /></i><br />So, <i>Star Wars,</i> it turns out,<i> </i>is
beyond the scope of a Gen Xer's hack job. Especially one with all of Kylo Ren's understanding of and respect for the past. Jawas don't build new droids. You can't just <i>flip </i>everything, guys. Can't just jumble the pieces and put your <i>Star Wars</i> Lego minifig's heads on random bodies and subtly change the spaceships' shapes a bit with a few pieces swapped out here or there, or some new colours. You have to <i>make</i> something. You'd need to actually bring in something
<i>new</i>. You'd actually need to know something about human history, psychology,
philosophy, religion, Jung, fairy tales and ancient myth, and then subvert or flip <i>that newly-acquired source
material</i>, not try to flip the already-flipped <i>Star Wars</i> rehash of mythology that you inherited. You'd need to be capable of doing <i>Star Wars</i> again, yourself, rather than just recycling it. You'd need to be able to <i>create</i>. To invent more <i>Star Wars</i>. (Like they did somewhat in the two computer-generated cartoon series, which are both far less derivative than the big budget Hollywood sound and fury signifying nothing shows.)<br /><br />The best symbolism in <i>The Last Jedi</i> is when Anakin/Luke's light sabre from <i>A New Hope</i> is being fought over by "I'm searching for hope, insight and spiritualism" and her opponent "the past must DIE... just 'cuz" and that saber represents <i>Star Wars: A New Hope</i> itself. And between the two of them, they tear it in half so it doesn't work anymore. That torch that Luke churlishly tossed over his shoulder instead of passing it to Rey. Just as the new guys have done with the franchise. The past must be chucked over one's shoulder. It's 2017. And that stuff's toxic and old.</span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><i>Oedipus </i>is very old, yes.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">The
best-written, complex, unmuddled character of <i>The Last Jedi</i> was the erstwhile Ben Solo, Han's very own all-too-millennial falcon. In a movie that came out in 2017, even Han Solo and Leia Organa <i>were </i>naturally going to
have spawned a lazy, whiny, conflicted, angry baby with no respect for
the past, and a cynical, pragmatic (yet somehow naive, starry-eyed) nihilism
to offer the world in lieu of hope. He's a destructive, angry victim, mirror to Poe's quipping, privileged competence. Kylo's pain isn't the loss of his mother, or having no father; it's his sketchy uncle/Jedi camp counsellor coming in and being inappropriate at night when he's sleeping, unsheathing his... saber. #kylotoo</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody">And it's people who are my age who are
to blame for Hollywood right now. The movies. The scandals. The
complicitness with sexual exploitation. The cover ups of same. The
hypocrisy regarding it. The backlash to it. The backlash to the
backlash. We-a culpa.</span></span></span></div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-15294255814590872722017-10-28T17:38:00.003-04:002017-10-28T17:39:19.954-04:00Has Dating Changed Much Since the Middle Ages?I'm taking medieval longsword lessons. I'm also taking an online Chaucer course.<br />
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<span data-offset-key="62r32-0-0"><span data-text="true">I'm doing a research paper on "Troilus and Criseyde," comparing Pandarus, who sets them up and encourages their affair, with Tinder and online dating sites and services. </span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="ap24i-0-0"><span data-text="true">I need people with modern dating experience to do my 15 question anonymous survey. You can just click boxes, or type in text. Zero knowledge of Chaucer required. I won't have any idea who responded to it.</span></span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="aum8m-0-0"><span data-text="true">Please lend me a hand by sharing this so single friends will consider doing it?</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/G7CD622"><span data-offset-key="2lpmi-0-0"><span data-text="true">https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/G7CD622</span></span></a></div>
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Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-78093808160549597452017-09-30T12:00:00.002-04:002017-09-30T14:17:53.520-04:00Vulnerability and Forthrightness Are for Kids<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XzsRCO-fReo/Wc-xvMqb2II/AAAAAAAABaY/9hx4EFFn8LQ4Qcnuwh3OUEY4j70QmjDKgCLcBGAs/s1600/Harmon-Approved.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1201" height="255" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XzsRCO-fReo/Wc-xvMqb2II/AAAAAAAABaY/9hx4EFFn8LQ4Qcnuwh3OUEY4j70QmjDKgCLcBGAs/s320/Harmon-Approved.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I'm watching <i>HarmonTown</i>, alone, on my weekend. And I'm thinking about what it's like to not look to be in terribly great shape, to have facial hair, to be middle-aged, and to have clearly failed to build a family to grow old with. <i>HarmonTown </i>is about Dan Harmon, one of the misfit nerds who created shows like <i>Community </i>and <i>Rick and Morty</i>, which shows entertain and touch us similarly-spirited people on a deeper level than we can quite explain. We are filled with utter delight when Harmon, or Kevin Smith, or someone like that, depicts or talks about something that's an important part of our lives, but that previously hadn't really existed, as far as TVtonia and MovieLand were concerned.</div>
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I can watch documentaries like this one, and I can pretend to be outside of it. I can "diagnose" or profile the guys in them: fat, smart, sensitive guys, who are still close with their mothers, who love animals, who tend to have messy/long hair and beards, who love fantasy and worlds of imagination and a mix of cerebral humour with potty jokes. Sometimes trying to get tough with tattoos and piercings, but still looking baby soft. Man-children. Nerds. Trekkers. Middle-aged men who collect toys and games from their childhoods, which childhoods they claim were pretty unhappy, but for those things they're collecting. Whatever. Mostly lonely people who are part of our culture's ever-expanding vista of solitude and social alienation leading up to lonely death.<br />
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But I'm watching me, really. And a whole lot of people I know.</div>
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There's a real sense in all of it of feeling like one has failed to grow up. Hasn't managed to adult. (Also... feeling like growing up would really suck.) Because (Biff! Pam! Pow!) comic books may have "grown up" enough to really make an impressive annual salary, but many of us who used to read them haven't.</div>
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And why would we? Is there any reason other than "I have kids" to stop living like them? Kids imagine. They aren't held responsible to make a real home, or a real life. They can make up elaborate fantasy worlds together and play in them. They can argue for hours about which house they'd be in at Hogwarts, or what race they'd be in Middle-earth. If they have special allergies, conditions, syndromes or needs, they just get more and more attention and stuff. They've got no one to fool, really. So they generally tell you straight up what they're thinking and feeling, without being afraid you will judge them.</div>
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Grown up people aren't like that. They don't share like that. They can't afford to be vulnerable like that. They need to maintain the illusion of adulthood. Unlike some of us, they were no doubt raised that the "white lie" is absolutely essential to getting by in society. <br />
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So, if you do share vulnerability, or tell your real feelings, people tend to say it's <i>so brave</i>. But really, they're thinking it's crazy. A bad move. Because it's a Really Bad Idea to be vulnerable. You have a persona to maintain. Be vulnerable and open, let the mask slip and get seen for more of who you really are, and you might wreck it all. (this is not taking into account those not-really-being-human folks who aren't aware of having <i>anything at all</i> under that mask they paint daily. Because what can be said about them?) Many adults are so adult they never let even themselves see a clear glimpse of what's going on behind their personas/roles.</div>
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For some of us though, sharing and being vulnerable isn't risking anything much. Because we have conclusively failed to fool anyone with any kind of adult, successful, strong, competent, respectable, unbothered, content, relationship-worthy persona to begin with. <br />
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In fact, we failed so badly at making one, that others around us make charity loaner personas for us to wear if we're going to be meeting their real friends. Roles they hand to us at the door for us to put on, which personas they tossed together because we clearly need one. Personas that include the idea that we need to be "explained." That we Won't Ever Get It. That we Won't Change. Personas that do the very opposite of what theirs do for them. Personas that tell everyone "He's not fine just the way he is, but tell him he's great, ok?" Personas they hand us that it would be an utter delight to wreck utterly.</div>
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"This is Tom. He's very negative, but he's just being so very funny. We just laugh. He doesn't mean any harm. He's single, but he won't date my fat cousin even though he's fat himself. He has a speech impediment, so don't comment on what accent you think he has." "This is Bob. He's a computer guy. Builds computers in his basement and all of his friends are computers. And he loves spicy food. Like, to an unhealthy degree. I hope he doesn't say anything sexist. He doesn't drink coffee or tea. Likely on prozac or something like that." "This is Tim. He's kind of autistic? Like, not literally, but kind of... you know. And we don't think he's gay, but he hasn't dated anyone since we've known him. And he loves those movies with swords and magic, but doesn't watch sports. Like, ever. So he won't really talk about hockey or football or anything in a normal way." Apparently we need disclaimers. "The following interaction may include mature conversations that get real and go beyond the niceties of small talk. Viewer discretion is advised."</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G1rZo0QULLY/Wc_PY7oKcuI/AAAAAAAABas/oSg8fbF20fwaXURZzvPDfb5vQl2QV7u5ACLcBGAs/s1600/Spencer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="596" data-original-width="596" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G1rZo0QULLY/Wc_PY7oKcuI/AAAAAAAABas/oSg8fbF20fwaXURZzvPDfb5vQl2QV7u5ACLcBGAs/s320/Spencer.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Mostly they get us very, very wrong, and mostly it really doesn't matter to them. People just need to feel like they've got a handle on us. "Guy who eats only tacos and has three cats. Got it." Even if that was you for one summer at age 15, and it was part of a contest, and your one cat died five years ago.</div>
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The mysterious thing is that anyone who looks at you and talks to you for about two minutes can see pretty much everything important about you. It's not like you're mysterious or hard to figure out. But it's like they are still having trouble <i>believing </i>who you are. Because you aren't quite like them, in small ways. So you're confusing to them. You've <i>got </i>to be something other than how you come off, don't you? Because surely no one is actually how they come off? Just...</div>
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But maybe you don't know to feel the shame or try to hide anything about what you are. You don't know how to "get along," or "play the game" or "work the angles" or "put your best foot forward." You put whichever foot is next forward. Left after right. In whatever shoes you happened to put on. Maybe you knowingly and unknowingly commit any number of social faux pas, and it's not really worth it to you to bother with any of it. It's not like "playing the game" is going to make you win it in any appreciable sense. It's not like you're a courtier in the palace of Louis XIV of France. So you don't bother with a persona nearly as much as everyone else. Don't have a corner of your brain that's working all day long, automatically helping you total up things that make you look good or win points with others. So they treat you like someone without a face who therefore needs a mask handed to him at the door.</div>
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They're different. They fake smiles, and cultivate a cute little vocabulary of evasions, non-answers and readily deniable, only half-said things. They know how to hint at their feelings and thoughts without committing to them in any way that one might be able to build on in future conversations. Because they've got too much built to risk their own personas through being known more fully. To let the personality past the PR men. What <i>would </i>happen if people saw through their personas to the rest of them? They might stand out. Be harder to integrate into social events. What pass for their friends right now might start forgetting to invite them to things. It might just be easier for everyone that way.</div>
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Well, for many of us, we don't have all that stuff to lose. We look up the social hierarchy to those just above us, who have families and lovely homes and cottages and back yards, and who have occasionally invited us to them to do things, instead of just to bars, and often we know that they won't be continuing to include us. Why? Mostly because, in a hierarchy like that, if you even slightly piss off any one person who is higher up than you are (especially if they are part of both "A Couple," and also "A Family Whose Kids Play With Our Kids") you drop out of the running. We can't help <i>wishing </i>we could fit, but we can't and won't change anything to <i>try </i>to fit. We're pretty sure there's no use in thinking about it.</div>
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Family gets prioritized over friendship. Every time. (Or you lose your family.) So, even if you have forged a number of strong friendships in your 20s, you can very rapidly lose those once your friends have families that then "outrank" you. And if any of your closest friends start living with someone who'd prefer you don't come around too much, perhaps having her own friends she'd rather have around, you've not going to be coming around much anymore. That's it for you. They've graduated. You haven't.</div>
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(Of course you can always hope they'll break up and then you'll be persona mucho grata again, but that doesn't always work out either.)</div>
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We singletons also look "across" the social hierarchy to people who are managing to get by while being a lot like us, but who also seem to have some kind of group. And these things are precious to us. Often, we either can't really get/fit into these bands, clubs, teams, clubs and relationships to begin with ("Thanks for auditioning. We'll call you.") Or these groups kind of fall apart due to internal stressors. We have to really watch we don't tear our little islands of
being-with-other-people apart over petty stuff. ("petty" is from the
French word "petit(e)" for "small/unimportant.") </div>
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And we look down the social hierarchy to those just below us who are un(der)employed and perhaps still living with their parents, or on social assistance, and who definitely have no kids or connections either. And we hang out with them. And when they meet our friends? We're tempted to "explain" them. After all, they're single. And have no jobs. So we try.<br />
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And then we realize we're just as bad as everyone else at playing the game. At climbing. There are just different weight classes of playing the game. And some of us are middle-weights trying to move up and lacking what it takes.</div>
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"Thanks for your... most <i>interesting </i>audition! We'll call you!"</div>
<br />Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-70040838548040034592017-07-31T14:05:00.002-04:002017-08-26T20:08:53.251-04:00If You Wish Upon Believing In Yourself<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">To amuse myself this vacation, I'm mainly taking in
stuff that feeds my mind. (A refreshing break from daily trying to feed other people's
minds.) Learning more about stuff I like, mostly. So, one of the
many things I'm watching is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLasMbZ4s5vIVOIJgVuRuduM4h2Cb2qAuu" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">a series of online lectures by a
Tolkien professor</span></a>, about Tolkien's writings. Along with
several other things, this is all further cementing in me a love of things
classical and old-school, gently and respectfully deconstructed, rather than
savaged and dismissed as harmful.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
In a time when all that is old is being dismissed simply <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">because</i> it's old, and seen as part of Eurocentric patriarchy, I am
determined to be the most useful and trustworthy of fatherly European figures
in my classroom this year, informed and grounded and aware of things beyond the
ken of presentist post-modernists. Because it's so much easier to just
say everything's shit, than to start to actually get to know your shit. About
something or other quite specific. Because you can't know everything
about everything, and it's not good enough that it's all somewhere on the
Internet. </span></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Characters Of Good Character</span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0iVN4VWreng/WX9wmTje6YI/AAAAAAAABYs/DV2wB-XU_U0cSRSqevQutlV_kID3JD7rQCLcBGAs/s1600/Frodo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="220" data-original-width="229" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0iVN4VWreng/WX9wmTje6YI/AAAAAAAABYs/DV2wB-XU_U0cSRSqevQutlV_kID3JD7rQCLcBGAs/s1600/Frodo.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">One of the things that I noted, when dipping my toe
in some Tolkien, was how much of his thinking was entrenched in that pre-WWI
notion that adversity reveals and builds pre-existing character (or reveals the
lack of it). Character and virtue are honestly presented as germane and
useful things without any hint of finding this view embarrassing or
old-fashioned. It's not just that having virtues is nice. It's that
virtues <i>work</i>. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Nowadays we mostly look at vices instead, and call them “diseases,” quite
often. Or syndromes. And we work to accommodate and accept
them. We let them limit us. We "raise awareness" of
them. I hate to be positive, but there's something to be said for
"working your strengths/virtues" rather than putting everything into
accepting and feeling ok about your vices and weaknesses.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">It's very compassionate to try to live in and view
the world as a place where everyone's equal in some theoretical way, where no
one's better than anyone else, but... history, psychology and law. It's
just not like that. Some people are more this or that. In any given
setting, some people are more effective there. Some people are, for
example, generally smarter than most others, no matter how much we try to
deconstruct how we recognize, treat and generally deal with the fact that the
people we meet in our lives clearly run the gamut all the way from genius to
profoundly handicapped. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">We want to say "everyone's smart in their own
way," but <i>nothing </i>much really seems to support that, Howard
Gardiner's entirely unsubstantiated but blindly followed, sacrosanct
"Multiple Intelligences" theory, and "varied learning
styles" ideology to the contrary. Some people are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">smart</i> in many ways and can also <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">learn</i> in just as many ways. Some people
are borderline average in only one way, and very sub-par in every other way,
and no attempt to change that does a whole lot. Some people are below
average in everything and don't seem to learn no matter what strategy is tried.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
And this obviously isn't only true as to intelligence. It's true about
everything. Some people are more physically fit in terms of cardiovascular
health. Some people are stronger in their upper bodies and cores. Some people
are more emotionally stable in times of stress. Some people are taller than
others. Others are younger. And there's hardly a virtue or talent
that survives very far into extreme old age. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">We have what we have. Right now.
Physically, mentally and psychologically. Even, one could argue, in terms
of moral character. Some people seem to have come with a lot of
it. Others seem to have squandered it, or had their moral strength
corrupted. Is strength of character something that, if you don't
"build" in children, then it doesn't happen later? Or can it
form later on, well past the formative years?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Everybody's got to live in a world filled with
others. And <i>hope </i>is important.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Someone like C.S. Lewis or J.R.R. Tolkien probably
never gave a second thought to the idea that one might find one's hope in the
virtues of other people one trusts. In their stories at least, the
various characters' virtues (talents, affinities, strength of character) are
essential to getting anywhere. And a well-rounded moral character is
important. You can be as smart as you like, but if you're Saruman the
White, your lack of moral character will take you and everyone around you somewhere
very dark and treeless.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Contrary to popular misconception, Tolkien does not write wholly good or wholly
evil characters. All characters in Tolkien have great capacity for good
or evil, and spend most of their time in the middle, the grey, the doubt,
trying to make sensible choices and hoping not to be thrown in too far over
their heads. Hoping their inner character will be revealed by adversity, and it
will end up being more of a Faramir situation, and less of a Boromir one.
Most characters in Tolkien make mistakes. Some get second chances. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">If the Ring does anything, it reveals the moral
character of not only Boromir and Faramir, but even people like Gandalf and
Galadriel. Tom Bombadill (and if he is to be believed, Faramir, in the
book, as opposed to the movie) are the only characters who don't seem to have
to struggle to have enough moral fibre to avoid succumbing to the corruption of
the Ring.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
And it really isn't all simply about repression in Tolkien. Self-control
is only one moral virtue, after all. In terms of character, you get what
you get, just like you get better or worse sight and hearing and intelligence,
and you can make the most of it, or damage and squander it. If you lack
strength of character, perhaps you’d best not be left along with a palantir.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Old-school Virtues </span></b><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Some virtues in particular, some features seen in
characters with strong moral fibre in writings like Tolkien's, seem to have
been lost today. Seem to have faded. Even hearing the terms
"character" and "moral fibre" make one expect that one's
sainted Aunt Hattie is talking about the past and how no one wears gaiters
anymore. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
So they're becoming lost and faded. Lost as in, their meaning has changed
to something lesser, or they are viewed today as simply not terribly good or
important anymore. Spoken of a problematic, too, when taken to extremes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faded as in they no longer shine so clearly in
people's mind's eye as important and worthwhile. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Any virtue taken to extremes can become a vice, of
course. But any virtue that is utterly lacking is guaranteed to be a
problem. For everyone around. Surely that is self-evident?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zj5VMaMJTLs/WX9w8uNLETI/AAAAAAAABZQ/o4fygW15jlIcZ7ufc7BltYmJ0MsZzSxnACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Gollum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="224" data-original-width="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zj5VMaMJTLs/WX9w8uNLETI/AAAAAAAABZQ/o4fygW15jlIcZ7ufc7BltYmJ0MsZzSxnACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Gollum.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">As a virtue,<b> pity </b></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">is an
important one for Tolkien, writing in the 30s and 40s. Pity as in empathy. Not
the same thing as condescension and feeling superior. Just the good old
putting yourself in someone else's shoes and feeling their situation
second-hand. Frodo and Bilbo alike could (should?) kill Gollum, but they
don't, because they can see themselves in him and identify with him to some
degree. They start to feel how easy it would be for them to end up where he is
one day. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">And it affects their actions. Makes them
doubt themselves when they are tempted to "mete out justice" too
hastily. Makes them listen when Gandalf says maybe they're not the ones
to do that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">But today, "I don't want your pity!
You're not better than me!" is what we think of when we hear the word
"pity." It seems like something only priggish, superior,
arrogant people might feel. Like pitying someone is a really bad thing. An
insult.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">But Bilbo and Frodo <i>aren't</i> motivated by
feelings of superiority to Gollum when they pity him. For one thing, they
feel how terrible it would be to live his life. Pity as in "sympathy
coupled with a wish to not make things any worse." For another
thing, they know that, having had their character eroded, corrupted, and
infected by the One Ring, they might end up doing not even as well as Gollum
has, considering how long he's been exposed to it. They have a realistic
measure of their own potential to fail. This is an old-school virtue that
used to be called <b>humility</b>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Humility in the sense of attributing one's own success and position partially
to things external to one's own choices, talents and work. It takes
humility to know when you've been lucky. To know when one has done well
partly because it was easier for one to win through than it generally has been
for others. Humility is often coupled with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">gratitude</b>, understanding the role that other people and things have
played in helping one succeed. It is about not attributing one's successes
solely to being a uniquely special individual.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
That's what humility does as to one's attitude about the past and
present. As to decision-making affecting the future, humility can produce
<b>prudence</b>, which warns one when it is wisest to stop and not act. It
indicates where the borders are. What too far might be and what might
happen if one goes too far. When prompt, decisive action isn't likely to
work out well. Prudence can involve knowing one's own limits, the limits
of others, and the true complexity of a given situation.<br />
<br />
Prudence and humility absolutely fly in the face of our ubiquitous
"believe in yourself, the only one holding you back is you, you can do and
be and get anything you can imagine in your own special little head!" doctrines.
They let us know when the best thing to do is to wait or do nothing.
Prudent, humble people do not "leap in where angels fear to
tread." They are given too much wisdom by their prudence and
humility. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">In <i>The
Lord of the Rings</i>, Faramir (in the books far more than in the films) is
prudent and humble. His elder brother Boromir had looked to "show
his quality" by impulsive, strong, decisive acts of bravery, eventually
daring to overstep his limits and in so doing, breaking the Fellowship.
Their father Denethor is also lacking the prudence and humility to stay within
his own limits as Steward (not King) of Gondor.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pmF-ZLN4z9c/WYCGIDBJ6ZI/AAAAAAAABZQ/9Hku3uYnC1UymJ172cpktsx_jgiFNxHhACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Faramir.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pmF-ZLN4z9c/WYCGIDBJ6ZI/AAAAAAAABZQ/9Hku3uYnC1UymJ172cpktsx_jgiFNxHhACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Faramir.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Faramir is very different. He shows the quality
of his character as being one that almost rivals his elder brother's in terms
of virtues like courage and strength and decisiveness, but he has the prudence
and humility to know when to step aside. He knows not to take the Ring from
Frodo and present it to his father Denethor, not to try to wield it himself,
and finally to support, rather than question, it being taken into Mordor and
destroyed by people much smaller and weaker than himself. He knows it's not his
call. (He also knows that his failure to interfere will have consequences
for him, which consequences he is willing to reap, being of strong enough
character to need to do things that way.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">The One Ring
aside, Faramir thinks Gollum should be killed for everyone's safety, but even
lacking pity for Gollum, he has the humility to defer to Frodo's decision that
Gollum will not only be allowed to live, but that the little bling junkie will
serve as Frodo's guide into Mordor. A less prudent, less humble man (like
Boromir) would have taken this decision into his own hands and ordered Gollum
killed, robbing Frodo of the chance to do things how he sees fit.<br />
<br />
But Frodo knows far more than Faramir about the Ring and Gollum both, having
attained a fair bit of experience with them. Because of this, Faramir is
humble enough to act in the knowledge that he himself, though the wisest, bravest,
mightiest warrior of Gondor, needs to step aside and let frail little Frodo go
on, taking Gollum and the One Ring into Mordor and beyond his control.
This even if he doesn't understand and disagrees with Frodo's decisions.
Part of strong character is not needing to impose one’s will on someone else,
even if that person is lacking one’s strengths and resources.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Boromir had
been a very different man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At Rivendell,
Boromir had warned that one doesn't simply walk into Mordor to destroy the
Ring. But really, Boromir isn't being humble and prudent when he argues
against the coalescing plan of the Council of Eldrond. He has a whole
different thing going on. He is focused more on "showing his
quality" by coming back to Minas Tirith to hold up his hand, upon which he
is wearing the One Ring, to be used as a weapon against the Enemy. He is
not humble enough to know that, though he may know more than most people about
fighting Mordor, he doesn't know anything about magic, or rings of power.
Boromir's lack of humility causes him to act imprudently, and he shatters the
Fellowship as a result, making Frodo need to scratch Boromir off the list of
allies and defenders, and put him right at the top of the list of immediate
threats to the outcome of their quest to destroy the Ring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A more humble Boromir would have been less of
a danger to the quest.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Nowadays though, the word "humility" makes
us think of <i>humiliation</i>, of feeling bad about ourselves in a time when
we are told to <b>believe </b>in ourselves if we want to succeed.
Humility is seen as folly, in other words. As a bad idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something that would fuel timidity, hesitancy
and passivity (often seen as a weakness), if indulged in too much. Not
healthy. It is thought to come with shame, a known tool and manipulative
tactic of Religion, which we are too wise to be fooled by anymore, material
rationalists to a person. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">And how are modern folks taught to deal with
shame? By denying it, mainly. Not thinking about it. Putting
it from our thoughts. Feeling ashamed and awkward about having felt
it. Pretending it isn't in our hearts. In other words, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">repressing</i> it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Where Sigmund Freud wrote that repressing urges made people sick, we now seem
to be counselling young people to repress their fears, their shame, their
hesitancy, and other feelings that people are tempted to label
"negative." To focus on "the positive" only.
That they need to push "negative things" aside/inside/behind.
If they want to get anywhere in life, anyway. "Don't dwell on the
negative. Move on. Focus on the positive." Just as if you can
walk away from something that's inside you. Just as if you can flee and
hide from your own shadow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More on Carl
Jung later.</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Shame Isn't a Virtue</span></b><br />
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Let me say emphatically that shame isn't much use,
most of the time. It doesn't help. Not like a nuanced, balanced
self-knowledge does. In fact, shame isn't even terribly effective at
stopping people from going ahead and doing things they will later feel ashamed
of. It can often function merely as the coin with which one pays in
future for present joy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Now, there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>
such a thing, even nowadays, as sitting down and having regular conversations about
one's established, long-term vices. Groups like AA either work or they
don't, partly based on how much self-knowledge and reflection occurs. How
many epiphanies are allowed to trickle in. Good, bad,
indifferent. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Shame doesn't help at AA either. Shame is
kind of a hammer, when what is required is more of a screwdriver or
scalpel. Shame often provides almost no understanding of whys and
wherefores, and simply overloads the emotions in the moment without anything
being learned for later. And it's usually too broad. If you tell
yourself and others simply "I'm a terrible person" or "I just
generally have an addictive personality" or "I'm the worst
friend/husband/father ever," you're kind of avoiding getting down into it
and figuring out what specifically is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i>
going on and what's <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> required
to better things, or at least make them stop worsening. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zKitDrluwlM/WX9xLe_naVI/AAAAAAAABZQ/xm3PTFKQBg8nCfclb77G8HMhWQrKhmq5ACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Arendt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="230" data-original-width="220" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zKitDrluwlM/WX9xLe_naVI/AAAAAAAABZQ/xm3PTFKQBg8nCfclb77G8HMhWQrKhmq5ACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Arendt.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">It was Hannah Arendt, Holocaust survivor, who said
that if we (in her case, Germans) are all guilty, then no one is. She
wanted actual Nazi war criminals to be actually punished for specific things
they actually did personally, rather than all of the Germany simply saying
"Whooops! We were all wrong. Very, very wrong. We collectively share
the blame."</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Shame is like that. If you decide to imagine for a dark evening that
you're terrible in almost every way, you won't actually need to identify your
biggest problem. That thing that, if improved, would bring about the most
dramatic improvements. Instead, you cuddle up cozily with some
generalized, short-lived, overwhelming shame pressed to your bosom until
tomorrow. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Today shame is seen mainly as the arch-enemy of
self-esteem, which we seem to believe makes the 21st century world go round the
way <b>love </b>used to. (The old-school virtue of <b>love </b>has long
been heavily downgraded to mere <b>tolerance</b>, of course.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
But thousands of years before the 1950s, a very different virtue from
"self-esteem" was where people put their faith, hope and trust.
It wasn't even <b>self-acceptance</b> they trusted in, which virtue seems more
foundational and important than valuing (having esteem for) yourself.
Self-acceptance might even represent a prerequisite to self-esteem. But
before self-esteem was crowned king, we prized <b>self-knowledge</b>. It was
what all the thinking and writing and learning seemed to be about.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
All this was before we discussed "fake news" and long before we
thought there really was such a thing as a "negative fact" or
"violent statistic." We were willing to just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know stuff</i>. Even if we thought it
was "negative," which although it sounds very absolute and objective,
mainly just means nothing loftier than "stuff that makes me feel yucky in
my tummy."</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Dealing With "Negative Facts"</span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">The 20th century was fleeing self-knowledge so
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deal with. (Often real things about one's own self.) The shadow was
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">(I was quite probingly asked, not too long ago,
what it actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">means</i> to "deal
with" realities. It was a thinly-veiled way of challenging my view
that it's very important to deal with "negative" facts/realities,
rather than ignoring them and trusting them to stop being real when one stops
looking at them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">I was flummoxed at first that this was even under
debate. All I could think of was that to "deal" was to accept
and behave as if real things were real, rather than pretending, denying, lying
and avoiding thinking about them if we don't like them. But we're taught
that reality is whatever we imagine it to be, so long as what we imagine to be
real doesn't invalidate anyone else's existence and represent violence to them
and hurt their self-esteem, especially with "negative facts.") </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">And the shadow, Carl Jung's best-known contribution
to modern thought, isn't terribly popular right about now. There aren't
too many self-help books and seminars and retreats out there this month which
mention it. Oversimplified, again the shadow is simply the idea that, if
something is real, but you don't like it, and so you cast it into the dark
corners, thrust it behind you where you can't see it, that all of that stuff
will continue to be real and do things back there, in the shadows, out of
sight. It will form a collective or body of reality in there and continue
to be active. That it will follow you around everywhere all of the
time. Your <i>shadow</i>. The thing Peter Pan needed back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your psychological junk drawer. A place
where incredibly useful stuff is often found, in a time of need. Like
chargers for things. And adapters. And batteries.</span></div>
</div>
<br />
<b><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Hope Comes From? </span></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-94jde4Z8zus/WX9xY_LTEAI/AAAAAAAABY8/xnt-Z7GDkjY91yXVoi_bzzK1yo41c1YlQCLcBGAs/s1600/Tolkien.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="257" data-original-width="196" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-94jde4Z8zus/WX9xY_LTEAI/AAAAAAAABY8/xnt-Z7GDkjY91yXVoi_bzzK1yo41c1YlQCLcBGAs/s1600/Tolkien.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-94jde4Z8zus/WX9xY_LTEAI/AAAAAAAABY8/xnt-Z7GDkjY91yXVoi_bzzK1yo41c1YlQCLcBGAs/s1600/Tolkien.jpg"><img align="left" alt="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-94jde4Z8zus/WX9xY_LTEAI/AAAAAAAABY8/xnt-Z7GDkjY91yXVoi_bzzK1yo41c1YlQCLcBGAs/s1600/Tolkien.jpg" border="0" height="257" hspace="12" src="file:///C:\Users\HPDC5850\AppData\Local\Temp\msohtmlclip1\01\clip_image001.jpg" width="196" /></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Tolkien wrote in a time when it wasn't terribly odd
to imagine that for his hobbit characters, hope might come from, while recognizing
the existence of Nazgul and orcs and Mordor far beyond the borders of the
Shire, in navigating a path right <i>to </i>and <i>through </i>them. To
deal with the present situattion. To live to see a more hopeful future situation
in which to live. For everyone. Even if this meant <b>sacrifice</b>.
(Another old-school virtue that's fallen on hard times. Tolkien served in
the First World War. He lost friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was bound to have an effect on him.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Sometimes you need to sacrifice stuff, need to get
off the couch and go deal with scary stuff, in order for there to be any hope
at all. One does not simply lie on the futon all month and hope to reap
huge benefits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we want hope.
Life's not much fun without any. And where is hope to be found? For
Tolkien, there was hope that one's character (not created by one's own self)
proved up to the tasks before it, there was hope in the mercy, generosity,
pity, help and grace of others one had found and formed close bonds with, and
there was even hope in some kind of Overarching Thing that was temporarily
foiled by chaos and evil, and validated by order and nature. Something
transcendant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God, Luck, Justice, Karma,
the Cosmic Balance, Humanity, Britain, Science, Reason, whatever.
Something that one could raise ones eyes to look at and navigate by, like a
star. (A star is a more useful aid in navigating than
"yourself." Precisely because it is outside, beyond and above
you.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Unlike Tolkien, his creations Frodo and Bilbo don't have faith in a
monotheistic creator figure looking down on them with an unfolding narrative in
mind. But they do feel that some things are meant/fated to happen and
that other things aren't. Gollum "has a part to play."
Bilbo is "meant to" find the Ring. By something/someone other
than Sauron.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
So that's three levels of hope: </span></div>
<ol>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Hope in
one's <b>own character</b> being enacted in one's choices,</span></li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Hope in the <b>allegiances
formed with others,</b></span></li>
<li><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">And hope in
some inspecific <b>fate or destiny</b> (or "doom" it is even called
sometimes, as in</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> Mount")
that makes some endings natural and desirable, and other endings cataclysmic,
abominable and unnecessary. (Or boring, wasteful, foolish and stupid.)</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
If this is a game, it is clearly possible not only to win it or lose it, but
also to break it entirely into pieces and kick the bishops under the bookshelf.
Very tempting for a 90s nihilist. If I'm not guaranteed to win, or it
might take work (or worst of all, an attention span) I'll smash it all to bits
and say it's just dumb anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A waste
of my all-too-precious time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Hope largely comes from what you put your faith
in. Disney movies did not, in the twentieth century, so much teach or
instill 20th century virtues, as echo them back at the people who held them, in
a form they would accept. So, in <i>Pinnochio</i>, America was not quite
going to accept "If you place your faith in an ultimate power (doesn't
matter where you ow-er)." But this can be worded "If you wish upon a
star" so as to eat one's cake and have it too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Religious people pray to Something Transcendent and put their faith in that
Something possibly helping, and they derive hope from this. Superstitious
people (like religious people, but with no willingness to adhere to any real
structure or logos) literally wish upon things like dandelions and stars and
thus satisfy their immature but deep and primal psychological need to find hope
by investing faith in something. In anything. In people. In
communism. In women. In karma. In science. In eating
gluten-free. In essential oils and crystal therapy. In a new
money-making book. In social justice. In a political party.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
You don't need God if you have an ideology in which to put your hope, faith and
trust. It will do exactly the same thing for you, psychologically.
And you don't even have to grant it a personality or care what it wants.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
Disney's <i>Pinnochio </i>came out before Tolkien published <i>The Lord of the
Rings</i>. And in the decades that followed, that "If You Look Above,
Up, Out and Beyond Yourself For Hope..." attitude changed. And many things
were lost. And things faded.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">With no real discipline devoted to self-knowledge,
the Path to <s>Wisdom </s> Positive Feelings progressed right past the
path of self-acceptance, far beyond the isle of merely holding one's self in
high esteem, and traveled all the way to the summit of Believing In Yourself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br />
For some, this is a common sense, baseline reality. Just the mundane fact that
if you flat out <i>disbelieve </i>in your chances at anything, you are not
likely to succeed. But for many, the message encoded into countless 20th
century films is "Never mind knowing yourself, especially the weaknesses,
vices or other "negative facts." Never mind taking too close a look
at what you're up against; that might just discourage you. Never mind
knowledge, wisdom or awareness. Just blindly believe. Not in
evolution, progress, society, people or anything that might sound
religious. Believe in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yourself</i>.
Generally. Because you're special and smart. In your own way. If
you only believe."</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">If you want to know what you have faith in instead
of God, look to the quarter from whence you draw hope when you really need some.
And that's it/him. That's God for you. That's what you pray to when
the night is dark.</span></div>
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<br />Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-88734549525056846482017-05-22T11:48:00.004-04:002017-08-02T09:42:37.320-04:00A "Tough Time"<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PphpMowAavQ/WYFQMjBpzkI/AAAAAAAABZg/IsHO67WFKHU_rHZfC4VY6EykgusJNtA9gCLcBGAs/s1600/Jason%2BProst%2BCropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="954" data-original-width="1600" height="190" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PphpMowAavQ/WYFQMjBpzkI/AAAAAAAABZg/IsHO67WFKHU_rHZfC4VY6EykgusJNtA9gCLcBGAs/s320/Jason%2BProst%2BCropped.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Someone died again. Someone younger than me, who was raised in the stifling arms of my church culture, whose family fell afoul of infighting there, and who never really got his life together even to the standards that most of us call "together." (As low a standard as that is.)</div>
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And now that he has died, people from my church culture are saying that thing they so often say when someone dies. (Besides "the Lord is speaking!" The other thing they say.) They're saying "He had a real tough time." In our church culture, they mean. A tough time socially. A tough time fitting in. A tough time in terms of falling afoul of vindictive exclusion, in fact. He was <i>given </i>a tough time. On purpose. By people who either thought it was a good idea, or just believe that "that's how it works."</div>
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This guy's father was like mine. "Difficult." Quarrelsome. Apt to object to every inconsistency he saw in the church culture. There to <i>fix </i>things, not just feel ooey gooey togetherness. To try to better the problems, to make things more fair. Not just to celebrate how awesome they allegedly are right now already, said awesomeness handed down unchanged for over a century.<br />
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I know about this first-hand. My dad was the same, and so am I.</div>
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Because, in a world that wants diplomats, spin doctors, sales reps, and above all, marketing people, some of us are born to be repairmen and warriors. We are people who insist the dryer's not supposed to make that noise. People who keep tools in the trunk of our car. We are people who will fight until we are dead. People who aren't scared to tear things all apart, looking for the leak. We are people who do not fear conflict, but <i>wake up</i> inside and get energy when there's fighting that needs to be done, social awkwardness be damned. People who find our hope only in the possibility of things changing from the way they currently are. Because we think we see <i>stuff that's wrong</i>. Stuff one ought to fix.</div>
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And this is not a time for that. Or is it?</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Virtue Signalling</b></span></span></span><br />
It's very fashionable to "raise awareness" of troubling things that are far away. To be virtuous by caring about something that doesn't necessarily hurt us personally. Like sending missionaries to Darfur when the Wilson kids are right next door, cutting themselves and sneaking pills from mom's medicine cabinet. Because, if you try to "fix" the Wilson kids, you'll soon find you can't "fix" people. And the Wilsons themselves are mainly just angry with their kids for
hurting the family church reputation by having problems that happen to have
stigmas attached to them, instead of just being poor, blind lepers or something else we can pity. </div>
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The hardest lesson of all for fixers and fighters is that you can't "fix" people and you can't "fight" their problems either. And awareness campaigns? Turns out people already <i>know </i>that cutting yourself, substance abuse and emotional issues are just as problematic as cancer, hunger and crime, and that they happen on a daily basis in our culture more than most. Everyone is aware. And just thinking about it doesn't seem to help.</div>
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So you send money, one of your children, or maybe even spend some time off yourself and go, to a different continent to "fight hunger" or something. Because, as we said, if you try to "fix" the Wilson kids, it will soon become obvious that you can't. But Darfur? Random bits of India or Africa? You don't have to achieve any measurable success of any kind. Just <i>trying </i>makes you a hero. And a role model. And an inspiration. On Facebook. On Twitter. You can use every social media app you've got to share your "inspiration" with as many people you can, in a sea roiling with virtue-signallers.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Working Vs. "Helping"</span></span></b></span><br />
I know someone who goes to Africa and isn't just a charity tourist, virtue-signalling and merit badge earning by going there. She is a nurse, and she goes to places that need nurses and she simply... works. Does her job. Does the thing she trained for. The thing people want her to do badly enough, that normally they have to pay her. That's different. She's not "fixing" Africa. She's not "raising awareness." She's not even "fighting" anything. She's just working. Getting up and showing up. I have a great belief in the potential for <b>working </b>to make a difference in a way that "raising awareness," "inspiring others" and giving lectures with multimedia clearly doesn't. I have a belief in personal sacrifice. And I don't see the personal sacrifice in paid lectures, or likes on social media.</div>
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But, my nurse acquaintance aside, it's a bit tougher to see where the value is when someone with no particular credentials decides to toss money or unskilled carpentry at Africa or India. Can't hurt, right? Might help? Won't fix it, of course. Mostly gives you stuff to put on social media, and nets you a slideshow and "talk" to give at your church, if we're being honest.</div>
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But the young guy I wrote about didn't live in Africa, or even a "bad area" in North America. And as they say, he had "a tough time." At church. Like a lot of us. And he didn't just <i>happen </i>to end up having tough times. He was <i>purposely </i>given a tough time because people with more status than he did wanted him to have one. People with more influence than he or his immediate family. <br />
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This guy was always trying to <i>work </i>in our church culture. To serve. To help out. And it's not as easy as that in a church culture. Some people will pretty much stab you in the back so they get to be the only person who sweeps the floor after church, brings the coffee, stacks the chairs or whatever. And many of us heard about this guy's life, growing up. When his name was mentioned, people said "Well, I heard he's a little..." or "I hear they gave him a really tough time..." Or "I heard there was stuff there..."<br />
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We all heard that talk. Because the less fun stuff you allow yourself in your day, the more culture gossip you have made time for. And the most hardcore of us church folk had entirely funfree Sundays and evenings in which to culture gossip. And we did.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Making A Go of It In Our Church Culture</span></b></span></span></div>
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I can connect to this guy and his family in a pretty direct way. I know a lot of it personally. You're young and you note that status makes a huge difference in your church culture. And your church culture? It's your only culture. And the culture itself absolutely <i>requires </i>that you put all of your eggs in that one cultural basket. So you're not an involved church guy, but also running for mayor, or running a club or anything. That's not allowed. It's an "or" thing, not an "and" thing. And so you were a big deal in your culture, or you weren't. So you tried to be "valuable" there. If they let you.</div>
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Another thing, in a circle like ours, you don't choose the one church culture because it suits you, and then everyone sees the culture as the one you ended up choosing. No. No one sees it as a choice. It's not even seen as merely a church culture. It's just What God Asked For. It's Where He's Working.<br />
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Everywhere else? That's just Everywhere Else. We're <i>us</i>, and they're <i>them</i>. This is the only game in town. It's not seen as a cultural choice because no other choices are being acknowledged. And you only get the one birth culture. You spend your formative years in the one place. And you are formed by it.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Old Godly Vs. New Godly</span></span></b></span><br />
Another thing to know: what you are trying to be specifically, in order to gain and keep power and status in a church culture like mine? There's a name for it: "godly." You are trying to be a godly young person living a godly life. Then maybe you can marry a godly girl and raise a godly family in a Godless world. "Godly" is a more euphemistic word than "pious," "abstinent," "pure" or "holy," but it means the same thing. Good. And not Good by doing stuff, mainly. Good by not doing stuff. (the fun stuff.) By being the one thing. By having that one cultural connection only.<br />
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What's everyone talking about at work? You don't know about that thing. Is there a show that everyone's bingewatching? You don't have a TV. Is there an app that everyone's kids have on their phones? Your kids don't have phones. Is there a huge event happening in your city on a holiday weekend? Your family is going to a bible conference/retreat in Idaho.</div>
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Godly is what you need to be in cultures like mine. But there's something that <i>really </i>complicates trying to live "godly." I'm going to have to dip into F. Scott Fitzgerald's <i>The Great Gatsby </i>for a moment to properly make this point. In <i>Gatsby</i>, Jay Gatsby isn't born rich. His parents are just ordinary. But he meets a charming girl named Daisy who was born rich. "Old money." A wealth insider. Now, Jay Gatsby wants to marry her, but "ordinary" doesn't get you in there to marry old money. So Jay Gatsby gets rich. To get in.</div>
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Gatsby is first a WWI hero, and comes home, ready to get down to it. He changes absolutely everything about himself, using every method he can, legal and illegal, to become the kind of public person, driving the kind of car, living in the kind of house, throwing the kinds of parties, that Daisy will marry. </div>
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Jay Gatsby makes <i>absolutely everything</i> about getting and looking rich. Buys a mansion and fills it with the trappings of wealth, which things he doesn't even want or enjoy. Keeps a giant library filled with books he's never opened. It's one big signal of his wealth. Has a grand piano he can't play, so he hires a guy to hang around in case anyone needs some piano music. Jay Gatsby does nothing else but get, stay and be seen to be rich. And there's no more to him than that.</div>
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Thing is, Daisy is the opposite. She's not working to get or stay rich. She's just wealthy to begin with. She never did anything at all to get rich. Never gave it a second thought. In fact, she's never made <i>absolutely everything</i> about anything at all, let alone the acquisition of wealth. She's old money. The money came before she did.<br />
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So <span style="color: #0000ee;">Daisy </span>marries another "old money" person. Tom Buchanan isn't as good a person as Jay Gatsby, but the union is supported by their culture, because it is a union of two like people, from the same social bracket. Tom is a racist, abusive, a bully, a braggart and an adulterer. But he's old money. There can be no looking into how Tom earned his money. Because Tom didn't earn his money.<br />
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No matter what Gatsby does, at best he is only "new money." And old money doesn't mix with new money. If old money Daisy had tried to court new money Jay Gatsby, her social circle and family connection would have shown just how much trouble they can cause when people are trying to put something so potentially fragile as a marriage together.<br />
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Gatsby knows how to put on show-off, new money parties, filled with people impressed by his wealth. What he doesn't know how to do properly is be obviously bored of wealth, not always working to try to keep and display it, and instead spend his days doing nothing much. He's always working, earning, maintaining and displaying. Old money doesn't do that.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Game is Rigged</span></span></b></span><br />
In many eastern cultures, the whole society works together to get you a viable spouse. You need a marriage, so you culture arranges one for you, usually giving you some choices. Western cultures generally don't do that so much as work together to keep you from managing to connect with anyone they deem to be unsuitable. You have Tinder, right? Pick someone we like.<br />
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I grew up with people who were raised "old godly" but who married someone aspiring to "new godly." For many, this brought about the end of any real membership in the culture. Pressure had been exerted, warnings given, but they didn't listen, so they end up on the outs. Because yes, people interfered heavily to try to forbid the union, seeing this obligatory calamity about to happen/be caused. Made the union, the membership impossible. This happened to fictional Gatsby, and it happened for the all too real young guy who died recently.</div>
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A harsh lesson for me, and for this young guy who died, is that the game is rigged. If you have the right last name, if your family is a dynasty, you have the power and status to do what you need to. If you are "old godly," you have arrived and just have to ensure no one hurts your family status. Especially you. There's a lot of pressure there, I hear.<br />
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But if you're aspiring to "new godly," you find that no matter how uprightly you live, no matter how many potentially joyful things you delete from your week, you never quite get let into that game. The rules are different for everyone else.</div>
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If you're "old godly," your family can, and usually does, have emotional problems. That gets rather glossed over. Gossiped about perhaps, but you keep your status. It's not the same for the rest of us. There is a stigma that can't be overcome. What is "quaint" or "just how he is" in old godly circles reads as "sick, a serious problem" in yours. <br />
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People get permanently excommunicated in our culture, not just for social misbehaviour, but for having personality problems or emotional issues. We all knew old people who had to sit at the back of the church and not take communion or participate in any social activities. When you asked what they'd done, you were simply told "They were trouble when they lived back East." Or maybe "They had a hard time in the 70s." Didn't fit. Rocked the boat so were cast into the sea. Very, very often it is a case of new godly refusing to bow down to the excesses of old godly. Not knowing their place and being shown it, with relish, by the entire culture, until they died.<br />
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In my case, this included being told I could attend a bible conference, but I was not welcome, and could not eat or be given accommodations for the night there. In the case of the young guy who died, this included being allowed to attend a bible conference, but having to sit outside the building to eat, and literally having the tray with his food passed out a window to him. These bible conferences are traditionally used to meet possible future spouses. But try to romance someone while you're not allowed to eat in the same room with them...</div>
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If this kind of situation happens to your dad (and it did to mine), your whole family is screwed from that point on. You can't really fit. You can't really date. So you find yourself in this "middle" position. You feel like your affiliation or membership in your birth culture is hanging by a thread. If the impression is given (facts don't matter) that you have been entertaining yourself or partying, or even worse, going to other churches or reading their doctrine or whatever, you may well find yourself elbowed right out of the culture you were born into. So you fight as hard as you can to be allowed to lurk on the threshold for the rest of your life, never allowed in, but clearly not having walked off either.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Trying Too Hard</span></span></b></span></div>
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So you try to work. Ceaselessly. Too hard. Jay Gatsby hard. You try to work with children in the Sunday school and get told you can't. You incessantly read the bible and books of "ministry" (we didn't use the word "theology," because that sounded like the brain was involved). You swept the church floor. You stacked chairs. You spent time with old church folks. You did all of this and tried to keep your reputation free from any hint that you might have been partying or associating with other churches or their doctrine. You made sure you kept no role models that were outside of your culture.<br />
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What drove my dad to throw out our TV, outlaw my comic books and ban an increasing number of things with each passing year was not some parental fear that we children would be hurt spiritually, or led astray by stuff, or even fear of God's disapproval. It was fear of our family losing status. It was tightening down the screws to try to build a family legacy as a godly one.<br />
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My dad made the church sign for the front of the building, he built and maintained the box that people submitted Scripture Searcher papers to and which recorded their progress, he recorded visiting guest speakers and kept a tape library and tape mailing service, he taught in all of the bible studies and things we had five or six times a week, he preached the gospel and invited guest speakers to speak, he counted the collection money and discussed how to spend it, he bought endless stuff for and repaired the Meeting Hall... and on and on and on and on. This is what he did instead of being my dad. Chose the church culture over his family, God and all that is good or prudent or loving, to be honest. Never let logic or empathy deter him in his quest. Some of us definitely have an obsessive streak that is viewed as a cheating, annoying superpower by people playing the game more casually.</div>
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And I will tell you what happens when you live like this, burning yourself at both ends: it makes you stand out. You are trying far <i>harder </i>than "old godly." You are clearly trying <i>too </i>hard. What's wrong with you that you have to try that hard? And your reward for this is you remain forever on the fringes. You never <i>quite </i>get let in. There's always that carrot and there is always the stick, too. You are continually under suspicion and in need of explanation. <br />
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Anyone who really starts to accept you gets a bit of your outsider smell on them, and those you grew up knowing will inevitably socially punish, in the various ways that children and young adults can, anyone who spends a bit too much time with you. And if you were, for example, to somehow overcome the constraints and awkwardnesses and prejudices of your birth culture, and connect to people <i>outside </i>it? This would certainly count simply as evidence that you simply never were "one of us" to begin with.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Failed New Godly</span></span></b></span><br />
So you are very, very, very alone, if you are failed new godly. When you run full tilt for the prize and smack your teeth into the brick wall that is painted to look like a doorway. Heaven help you if you object in any way! If you say things aren't fine, or need to be looked at. This culture is, after all, a worship of How Things Have Always Been. Your family is torn up with the members blaming each other for possibly risking the family's tottering, almost gone status in the culture. With not succeeding in it.<br />
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Two things are there waiting for you: emotional issues and substance abuse. Either one is certainly enough to shatter any possible remaining association with the culture. Our culture isn't one that is known for accepting and helping alcoholics, pill poppers, gambling addicts or the like. And there really is that usual Christian attitude that, if you have addiction, anxiety or depression, you clearly don't have Jesus. Otherwise, you'd be fine, right? Are you saying that having Jesus doesn't <i>work</i>? Why aren't you happy? Get over yourself. Move on. Focus on the positive.</div>
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Unlike the guy who died this time, I myself was spared problems with substance abuse by virtue of being a clinical control freak. This means that emotional issues are the only dysfunction left open to me. But so much more of this story I feel like I "get." Being alone. Family <i>very </i>welcome to leave the culture at any time. Fighting for a status you don't really have and will never get. Trying too hard, and this hurting rather than helping your status. Giving up everything healthy and personal and natural in vain pursuit of getting accepted to a position you will never occupy. Trying to regain something you never really had.</div>
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Because the thing that human cultures are, that church cultures should not be too? Competitive. Someone was waiting in line behind you with their hand out for status, importance and inclusion, and if you step out of line, they step up and take your place. These cultures are status hierarchies one can only be born "old godly" into. Last name helping or hurting you, quite beyond your control. Being encouraged to cut off ties to friends and family to save yourself and try to keep any status problems they may have from spreading to you.</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sins of the Father</span></span></b></span><br />
Speaking of which, how was this recently deceased young guy given a "tough time"? Specifically? What little I know of this guy's story is that he was haunted and hounded his whole adult life by the fact that his father had fought with their local church when the guy was a young teenager, and so his dad was put in an "out" position to perpetuity. This young guy always felt like maybe the way his father was treated was a wee bit wrong, and refused to "admit" his father was 100% to blame, and for this he was never forgiven his whole life. He was <i>formally </i>required to officially declare that his father "needed" to be kicked out, and that the church was 100% correct in how they acted. As the young man argued that maybe things were wrong on both sides, he himself was then also kicked out forever. Because that's how we roll, in some corners. </div>
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The young guy moved West across the whole continent, and changing country of residence to America, wanted to be a missionary. Wanted to work in a church connected with his birth culture. But when he moved, a letter arrived ahead of him, warning people to never include him. Never let him take communion. Never let him help out at church. Under pain of starting a fight with Us. ("Us Out East.")<br />
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And as I said, when those various bible conferences were held, where one might meet potential spouses in the culture, people in this guy's position are often told they are simply not welcome. (In my case they said "the older brothers have decided it would be best if you did not attend.") And he attended the one bible conference in a pleasant village "out East" from where he'd originally been given the "tough time" about his dad, and was required to eat outside, plates literally passed to him out a window. By those who proudly claim they are responsible to "feed God's lambs" in Maritime Canad. What did they feed this guy, socially, spiritually and psychologically? <br />
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Still, he got to go out East, and they did find a way to compromise between getting in trouble with "Us Out West" for accepting him for once in his life, and actually making him stay home. And this young guy travelled all of the way across North America from the west coast to the east, only to be sent outside to eat every meal, literally segregated, in this the 21st century. </div>
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And no one ever agreed to let him help out anywhere. No girls agreed to date him. People who spoke to him much were given an update about him. The solitude and the emotional problems and the substance abuse he eventually fled into slowly ate him. Eroded him. His heart couldn't take it. It degenerated to a point that it could not be repaired, even in this, the 21st century. And now he's dead.<br />
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His body was put into the ground by two people: his parents. That's it. No words were said. His church culture did not come to mourn.</div>
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Despite this, to this day, folks who speak about him, including his own father, are reluctant to see anything terribly wrong with the church culture itself. With How Things Have Always Been. Oh sure, a few guys in it acted poorly. But the culture? How Things Have Always Been? We're not actually going to take blame, or try harder, or talk about it, or change or anything. Why should we? This is as good as it gets, right? This is How Things Have Always Been. You wouldn't want to bring in compromise and change, would you?</div>
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We're All Fine, Here...</span></span></b></span></div>
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This guy had a tough time, alright. But that doesn't mean anything to the rest of us. Because we're, more or less, ok and we've got families to think of, and family reputation to uphold, and that's what matters.</div>
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Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-79548961837300059322016-11-05T13:15:00.001-04:002016-11-05T21:52:24.923-04:00Children on Elephants<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Confession: I'm happier than I used to be. Significantly so. There are a number of reasons for this. And I'm reading a book called <i>The Happiness Principle</i>, by Jonathan Haidt, which is sparking a lot of thought (and feelings) about it all.<br />
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I used to hang onto my sorrow, discomfort and dissatisfaction like a flag. Like there needed to be a guy, standing there, saying "No. This is all bullshit. We need to be more real. We need to do this right. We need to pay attention. We need to look after the people who are falling between the cracks. The ones we're shoving out, between said cracks." But after having written a couple of books and done other such things, I feel like I've planted that flag, and I don't actually have to wear the t-shirt every day, or even stand outside the gates anymore. </div>
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And yeah. I'm reading Haidt's <i>The Happiness Principle</i>. A lot of it seems terribly familiar, and goes over very old ground, prompting me to want to say "Get on with it! Give me something new to think about!" It's surprising that I'm reading Haidt's book. Any book with this title, actually. There are many, many books out there on the subject, and with similar titles, and I have learned to avoid them. Because when I've tried to read them, I quickly find that I haidt them. They convince me more deeply that happy isn't something I can be. That it's for other people. That the only thing holding me back is me. (Horrible thing to tell people. Go peddle that in Africa or Syria, why don't you?) But this book is being so "me" right now that I'm getting bored with the well-worn paths and want to see what's next. Want to think something new. I agree with him about the stuff he's disagreeing with, because I've been disagreeing with it too for a long, long time.</div>
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But I'll try to explain one of the key reasons I'm happier lately. I think, being middle-aged, I've lost a whole lot of hope in the idea that people can change. Significantly. Deep down. I've seen too many people die, rather than change. And I've seen some that seem to be killing themselves in extreme slow motion.<br />
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So now? I genuinely don't think people change. Not really. Not at the core. So I don't hope for it. And that's very, very freeing. Because I've gone straight through my life always feeling like I need to change. Need to be someone else. People have leaped up to tell me the same thing. That I need to become someone who is less pessimistic. That I need to become someone who is less withdrawn. Someone who is more of an extrovert. That when I don't want to participate, I need to become the sort of person who wants to participate more, who wants to indulge and placate others more. That when I get over-eager and talk too much, I need to become a person who will want to participate less, and again, want to indulge and placate others more. That I need become someone who cares less. That I need to think less. That I need to smile a lot. That I need to flinch less obviously when touched unexpectedly. That I need to hug people more. That I need to show "positive" emotions (ones people like) more. That I need to get happier. (or, failing that, act cheerful.)</div>
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And after all of these years, I have slowly come to really hate all of that. Not just a little. See it as the enemy. See it as the key to unraveling me when I'm busing being who I am. But I used to hear it more than I do now. One thing about being middle-aged is people lay off you. That pressure to change starts to subside a bit. You know that pressure. To be a person others will like more. So they will hire you, and trust you, date you and otherwise socially, financially and romantically reward you. Because we're not ok the way we are, apparently. Nope. We are inconvenient and embarrassing.<br />
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Melancholy and philosophical? Introverted? Quiet at times? Solitary? Dissatisfied with "the way things are"? Apt to sneer and mock at fake stuff that clearly sucks, but somehow always seems to demand a whole lot of praise and attention and recognition from every single one of us? Lacking in emotional affect and response? All of the above? Not ok. We need to change, apparently. To be happier. Or to fit in better, anyway. To make ourselves easier to accept.</div>
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And of course, you can see where I'm going with all this. It turns out that "just being" makes one happier than being burdened with constant negative feedback from others and continual attempts to adjust, correct and control one. Especially if one buys into the idea that one needs to care deeply about all of the above. No, the opposite is what makes a person serene, content, at peace. Happy, even. Oddly, a person being themselves is far easier to accept than someone who is miserably trying to be more acceptable to others. There's something right about it. We can't help but accept authenticity when we see it, even if it's packaged up in a person who's a bit crusty, or who comes with some sharp edges.</div>
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So I'm done listening to people who feel I ought to do everyone a favour and change. I'm doing the very opposite: I'm not even pretending I'm going to change, on a deep, psychological level, mainly to meet the expectations of others. I don't recommend it. I recommend clinging to one's identity instead, and running with it, instead of from it. Be it more. Be it deeper, higher, broader and more richly and maturely than anyone dreamed was possible.</div>
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"Everybody" wants you to get a specific haircut or smile more or lose weight or be excited about some sports or Internet thing or wear some wristband or colour or whatever? What works for me is the bone-deep, decades-old abiding accustomedness to simply recognizing that yeah, there are always people like that, who seem to want and need that from every single person. Like junkies on street corners with their hands out. You can spend some time or money trying to make them happy if you want to, or you can not bother with them. One thing that's sure is that nothing is really going to take the edge off that keening need in their blood to shoot up heroin or tell you about the environment or require you to use the word "issues" instead of "problems" or love Ke$ha or whatever it is.<br />
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There's them, needing something, and there's you, possibly with the power to maybe to choose to stop and give them what they claim they need, or not. And "not" is just as viable an option as giving them what they think they need. Because sometimes what people are looking for isn't something you can give, or isn't going to content them anyway. </div>
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I have learned to no longer confuse growing and maturing, on the one hand, with changing, on the other. God put me in the world and I'm a very specific design that you sure didn't order from a sampler with various options and dropdown menus, available in your preference of sizes, colours and fragrances. I am growing and maturing, but I'm not going to become anybody else. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone. Because it's not possible. I'm just me and I am only getting more "me." Deal with that. Wisdom of middle-age talking. It gives contentment and peace. Try being. Life isn't all becoming. And it sure isn't about ceasing to be various things.</div>
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Any person who has struggled with depression, or who is grieving or whatever, will tell you the same thing: people all seem to have stupid advice. Freely given. And it's all the same. They tell you "smile." They tell you "be happy." They tell you not to think about it. They tell you to care less. They tell you to enjoy stuff you don't. They tell you to feel and think differently. My favourite? They tell you to "Move on." To "Walk away." From stuff that's literally inside your skull.<br />
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Mostly it adds up to "Be more like me by doing what I do, the way I do it." </div>
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Sometimes this is because they themselves are beautiful, young, white, rich, happy or whatever, and they genuinely don't get why every other person on the planet can't just be more or less like them. "Be like me. You can do it. By your choices," they feel. This all dodges the matter of <i>why they need you to be more like them to begin with</i>. (Bigotry written small) </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Other times, people tell you to be happy or wear red, or cheer loudly or join their thing or whatever it is, because they see a potential for them to lose their thin facade of pretend, functional, daily cheerfulness. If we're all going to just go around being real and everything, instead of doing others the favour of hiding our psyches away for the day, what could happen? <i>They're</i> willing to paint the cheery on thick, so what makes you so special that you won't return the favour? Their facade is so think there's no telling who's beneath it.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Maybe not pretending to be cheery is an important first step in embracing genuine, deeper, eventual happiness. And maybe contentment and serenity are far more valuable than superficial cheerfulness. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jonathan Haidt is writing in the part I'm at right now about his own favourite way to imagine the stuff that St. Paul, Freud and a bunch of old Greeks saw in all of us: Haidt imagines we are like little children (our thoughts and decisions and self-control) riding huge elephants (the rest of our personalities, which we are little aware of, and certainly did not create and do not daily maintain, ourselves). You know? Part of what God made. (Haidt doesn't believe in God, but is an honest enough atheist to have done his homework and is able to cite books which seek to explain the universal phenomenon that evolution and the ecology and the universe and so on seem to be not only designed, but designed to maintain and upgrade themselves. "Design with a designer" is what he's hugging to his bosom right now to explain that big elephant in the room.)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So, an elephant? Your past, your hormones, your genes, and millions of factors of which you are not presently consciously aware, Haidt imagines, are all working together right now to form this huge, ancient elephant that is as much a part of you as the little part on its back that tries not to respond sincerely and honestly when someone you don't like much tries to chide you to smile when you're not happy.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Think about it. The elephant is part of you. You are not a separate part that is stronger than the elephant. And the elephant remembers. And the elephant has big ears and hears everything. And the elephant is, in its way, wise. Whipping the elephant is not, in the long term, a good idea, given its memory and its strength. It has thicker skin than (the conscious) you do, clearly. You have to work with it, not against it. Accept it and learn to work together better. Laugh at the very idea, tossed at you from the person riding her miserable, over-trained elephant across the tent from you, that what would really be nice, really be best, is if you whipped your elephant more, to make it smile. Or balance on a ball, or do tricks. And that if you paint it pink, maybe people will believe you when you say it's really an adorable, cheerful little poodle.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
They call out to you: Just be happy. Just smile. Just somehow find cheery music and perky people cheering, rather than deeply depressing and annoying. Just hug people. Just shut up. Just forget. Just don't care. Just never mind. (Just try to stop the elephant from being big, from heavy, from being grey, from having a trunk and a tail and two big ears.) Get out that pink paint.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thing is, if you grow to have a warm, familiar, accepting working relationship between the elephant that is part of you, and the rest of you, you don't need to whip and shout and cry and otherwise seek to bully it so much. You start to realize it's probably worth it to stop and get it some peanuts or a cabbage or whatever from time to time. What's important to it starts to become important to the rest of you. And.... vice versa.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
No one else has a hope of understanding what goes on daily between the part of you that is not the elephant, and the part of you that is. Doesn't mean they'll shut up. Doesn't mean you have to listen.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So never mind trying not to be you. Grow. Relate. Do not try to change utterly. Growing will change you in all the ways you need. Mostly by making you more, rather than less you.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Depression, inventor of cognitive therapy Aaron Beck, claimed, often looked like the rider of this elephant saying certain things out of frustration. Ranting. Crying with frustration. You could, Beck felt, "script" how depression talks. It's very predictable:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
1. I am bad, weak, corrupt, selfish and no good. (I am not able to subdue the part of me that is this elephant. It is too strong for me and I am tired of shouting at it and beating it and otherwise trying to get that part of me under control. It is bad and I am a bad elephant trainer.)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
2. There are few or no good things in the world. Nothing we can get, anyway, that are going to be worth it. (There is nothing in the world that the elephant and the rest of me can find to enjoy. No peanuts. No cabbages. No rivers to swim in. No sun to sun in.)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
3. And there never will be.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now this is, baldly put, wrong. And #1 is the root from which all of this crap springs. It tells an evil story: "I am bad. I am not good enough. I am not strong enough. People hate me and won't help. They're selfish. And they don't know. And anyway, there's no good stuff around that someone like me can get and enjoy. And so I have no future." </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This is what a little child sitting on a balky, hungry, resentful elephant thinks, and then, feels. (or the opposite of that) And the child, and the elephant, and everyone else, knows that all of this depression-scripted stuff is wrong. It's just evil whispers in a black time. It's something dark to tell one's self so one doesn't have to keep trying. So one doesn't have to try something else. To try to talk one's self out of growth.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We're dumb. We think we would somehow have to change utterly, in order to be happier and stronger. But we're us. And we want to continue to be ourselves. So we do a lot to try to retain our selfhood, even though we're miserable. Because it's all we think we have.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We think we have nothing else. But that's wrong. We have an elephant. In fact, it's a part of us that nothing and no one can ever take away. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And we don't have to change. We don't have to listen to other people. We don't have to achieve what they achieve, and do things the way they do them. We don't have to mute, or stuff, or lock away our true selves. The trumpeting, miserable, angry, despairing elephant. Starved and locked in the dark. Quite the opposite.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We have to listen and talk to the part of us that is the elephant. Know and be known. It is powerful. It has feelings. It has needs. And it never forgets. Maybe it doesn't want to balance on the ball to make the kids laugh. Maybe it wants to knock over the wall instead. Maybe it's been telling itself that very thing in its dreams. Freedom dreams of knocking over <i>all </i>the walls. Well, it probably can. And maybe it should.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And it doesn't need to transform into a trained poodle to do it.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-60521152679990918652016-10-16T15:05:00.001-04:002016-10-16T15:05:37.040-04:00Just A Christian Thing<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was seventeen years old, and I knew what most of the words in the bible were. I knew there was no church but ours, and that ours was not merely a church. I knew that I needed our church to get a wife and children and raise them to be successful, decent, healthy people. I knew that I definitely wasn't supposed to be able to connect with the others at school, and luckily, I couldn't. I knew that I definitely was supposed to be able to connect to the others at church, but despite me, I couldn't. I knew what something was wrong with me and that I wasn't normal. There was something. School and church agreed about that. I knew that that something would keep me from ever finding true love with a wife, a home and children. And I knew that what was wrong with me was me. And I knew I couldn't bear to be anyone but myself. It was like secretly being gay, only I was publicly being me instead. And I knew that there was no place for me and no happy ending. And I knew that I wanted to be dead.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I didn't really want the responsibility of killing myself, but I knew that I didn't want the responsibility of trying to live the next day, carefully not fitting in at school and carefully fitting in at church. And I knew that what I felt wasn't normal because I wasn't normal. But I started to suspect that my reaction to everything was, itself, a normal reaction. And that being ok with everything would not have been. And I knew that no one was in control of everything. No one was there for people like me. No one could do anything. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The doctor was from our church and he knew that there was nothing wrong with our church and so if I couldn't cope I obviously wasn't normal and needed pills. I decided that I knew that I could not take pills, as I needed to sort out whatever it was, and not numb myself to it. The psychiatrist I then went to knew that I should be partying and going to movies and non-church things. I knew that I could never do that, and to do so would lose me my tenuous membership at my church, to match my lack of belonging at school. And so I stopped seeing him, said I was fine now, and continued to want to be dead. And I knew that no one was able to speak with me about any of it. I knew that people had personas to carefully keep up, and that they needed to avoid any appearance of not being normal themselves. And I knew that I had to get through it myself. Me and God. I knew He was supposed to be able to help. And so I dealt only with Him from then on. I knew I couldn't trust anyone else. Not a single person. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And I knew that, if I got through it, with God's help, that I couldn't bear to think of others in my position, being alone. I knew that there must be others, although I had never met any, or if I had, they had not identified themselves. I knew that I wanted to find such people and let them know that there were more of us. How many more? I pictured a miserable seventeen year old, likewise along, perhaps female, and knew I wanted to help her, and live together for the rest of our days.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And the years went by. I endured not fitting in at church, to match my not fitting in to the world outside it. I knew that I was who I was, and that there was strength in my design. And I knew that that strength that had been built into me terrified people, and that any system that could not deal with someone who was only as slightly off-centre as me was weak. Scared. Flawed. Lying. Hiding things. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And I learned that there seemed to be about as many people who could not fit in as could. And I learned that many people get miserable and lost and disconnected. And I listened to and spoke with many of them.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I didn't know there would be so many. Of all ages, races, cultures and genders. I didn't know that mainly only the female ones would and could think and talk and feel about these things openly, instead of drinking and making money and fighting with everyone and hoping to die without ever having to deal. I didn't know that some people were able to cry about it all, and that this helped them a bit. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I didn't know that, as much as I had been raised to be, and naturally was, unable to fit in to the world around our church, that that world would accept us anyway. I didn't know that there was, in human dealings, a small hope for a modicum of fairness and forgiveness and mercy. I didn't know to stop looking for it in Christian circles. I didn't know that I would be kicked out of my church entirely, along with almost every friend and relative I ever had. And I didn't know that we would survive. I didn't know that some of us would simply recreate the same environment we grew up in, only with us in charge. I didn't know that others would find they quite enjoyed churches and groups very different from our own birth culture and would immerse themselves headlong into those. I didn't know that others would love Jesus but never really be happy at any church besides our own, but remain infinitely happier "going nowhere" than going to ours.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I didn't know we'd talk, a bunch of us, using computers, some of which we carried around in our pockets. I didn't know that everybody would be allowed to talk, even if some of us were women and most of us were excommunicated and shunned, forever deemed church defects, rejects and trouble to allow into the midst. I didn't know many of us would share and connect on screens and never meet up in the same room. I didn't know there'd be so many suicides. I didn't know there'd be so much addiction. I didn't know there'd be so many divorces. I didn't know that the things the church folks did to us, we'd generally go on to do to everyone around us. I didn't know the church knew everything all along and didn't care and wouldn't ever openly talk about change, forgiveness of reconciliation. I didn't know there'd be joy possible anyway.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I didn't know I'd meet the hypocrisy, the enforced cheerfulness, the blindly-trumpeted flawed utopian dogma, the need to seem normal and ok at all times, at the workplace, on the street and everywhere else. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I thought that was just a Christian thing. </div>
<br />
<br />Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-28695883685721891292016-10-09T12:18:00.001-04:002016-10-16T19:19:59.122-04:00Sunday Morning Sermon on Atheists OutChristianing Christians<div style="text-align: justify;">
All those people who live lives characterized by weakness and lack of
integrity, without having any knowledge of the bible, will also reach the
end of their days and die, having had no knowledge of the bible to guide
them. But all who have walked paths of weakness and lack of integrity
with full knowledge of the bible will be assessed according to what the
bible tried to say to them. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
For it is not the believers of the
message of Jesus who are acting well as far as God is concerned, but the
livers of the message of Jesus who are acting well. For when atheists, who
do not have the bible, just naturally do what the bible teaches, and act well, they
are a bible to themselves, even though they do not have the bible. They
show that the message of the bible is written on their hearts, while
their conscience also weighs in, and their conflicting thoughts accuse
or excuse them whenever God assesses the inner essence of men through
his judge Christ Jesus.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You call yourself a Christian and claim to rely on
the message of the bible and claim identity in Jesus Christ and to know
his message and to support what is Christian, because you are instructed
from the bible. You are sure that you yourself are a guide to the
blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the
foolish, a teacher of children, having in the bible the embodiment of
knowledge and truth.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You then who teach others, why have you not
taken the time to teach yourself? While you preach against shadiness and
insincerity, are you yourself shady or insincere? You who say that one
must not condone adultery, do you condone adultery by appointing
adulterers to have the rule over you? You who insist that all fetuses
be allowed to grow into children because all life is sacred, do you then
resist contributing any money toward the health care of these same
children to preserve their lives once they have been born? You who
demand freedom of religious expression, do you seek to rob atheists and
Muslims and Buddhists of the right to practice their own world views,
and to live completely free from yours? </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You who claim to find
your personal identity in the message of the bible? You folks are
dishonoring God by not living in the spirit of its message. And now the name
of Jesus Christ is a joke and a curse among the atheists because of
you. The word “Christian” now means “self-serving, hypocritical bigot”
to many people.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now, a Christian upbringing certainly is of value
if you live according to the message of Jesus, but if you live in a way
Jesus never would have, showing none of his heart, your Christian
upbringing becomes atheism. And, if a man who is an atheist lives
according to the message of Jesus, will not his atheism function as
Christianity? Then he who was never raised Christian yet lives in a way
that is very compatible with the message of Jesus? He will rightly
condemn you who went to Sunday school as a child but grew up to become
people who do not have the heart of Jesus. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It doesn’t make one a
Christian to merely try to seem like one outwardly, nor is Christian
upbringing only an outward and physical thing that has to do with
attendance at church, one’s lifestyle and how one votes. No, a Christian
is one inwardly, and Christianity is a matter of the heart, by the
Spirit, not achievable through doctrine, lifestyle restrictions or
political positions. A true Christian’s standard of excellence and
decency is not set by his fellow churchgoers, but by God.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then
what is the point of being a Christian? Is there any value in a
Christian upbringing? It is valuable in every way. To begin with,
Christians were entrusted with the New Testament, which contains
messages from God about real things. What if many Christians live
according to a new church culture they have invented which has little to
do with the New Testament and the messages in it? Does their church
culture nullify the efforts of God to reach out to human beings and help
them sort out their lives? By no means! God would still be telling the
truth even if every single Christian were a compulsive liar. (So tell
the truth.) It is written,</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“That you may be justified by your words,<br />
and win the case when you are accused of anything.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But if our missteps, lack of integrity and strength of character serve
to showcase the excellence of God, what shall we say? That God is unfair
to get frustrated with how flawed and messed up we are? (I speak
simple-mindedly, as if God were merely a human being.) By no means! For
if God had to simply accept dishonesty, exploitation and weakness and
treat them exactly the same as he treated honesty and excellence, how
then could he assess and heal the world? He would have to “tolerate” it
and leave it messed up. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But if even against the backdrop of my
two-faced, mean-spirited insincerity God's truth rings out and makes it
clear who he really is, why am I still being condemned as a sinner?
Aren’t I doing good by making God look better than me? And shouldn’t we all occasionally do shady things to try to make the world a
fairer place? Well, some people correctly notice us doing that and have a problem with it. Their criticism
is fair. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
What then? Are we Christians doing any better than
anyone else in the world today? Than the Muslims, atheists and Sikhs?
No, we aren’t. Not at all. For I have already made the point that all,
both Christians and atheists, live daily lives characterized by
weakness, corruption, jealousy, exploitation and darkness, as it is
written about all of us human beings, right through the bible:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
“None is excellent, no, not one; no one truly understands; no one looks for what God intended for human beings and for the planet.<br />
All have wandered from the path; together they have become corrupt; no one truly lives decently, not even one.”<br />
<br />
“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive and manipulate one another.”<br />
<br />
"The venom of rattlesnakes is under their lips.”<br />
<br />
“Their mouth is full of ill-wishes and resentment.”<br />
<br />
“Their hands are quick to backstab others; when they leave a room they
leave misery and chaos behind them, and they have never understood the way of
peace.”<br />
<br />
“They do not value God as they go about their day.”</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now we know that whatever the bible says, its audience is those who value
the bible. And it works toward reaching the point where no one in the
world will be left with anything further to say, and the whole thing
will be held accountable to God and his standards for love, fairness,
excellence and honesty. For by obeying rules in the bible no human
being will ever be justified in God’s sight, since through the bible
comes a deep knowledge of our flaws and the fact that we need Jesus, and not just
some handy rules to follow.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But now the excellence of God has
been shown entirely outside of the pages of the bible, although the
bible talks about it too — the excellence of God is seen through what
happens when any human being places hope, faith and trust in Jesus
Christ and what he wants to do for all who accept him. We ourselves, as well as
God the father, and his son Jesus Christ, all alike exist outside the
pages of the very bible which speaks the truth about all of us. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
For there is no distinction: all have sinned and have fallen short of
God’s standards, and are therefore only justified by his grace as a
gift, through the rehabilitation that is in Christ Jesus, whom God sent
out to pay for our recovery in the coin of his blood, so that we could receive this
gift by faith. This sending of his son to die for us was to show God's
excellence and fairness, because in his divine forgiveness and
generosity he had passed over our flawed lives and how messed up we
still are. It was to show God’s decency, to those of us living in 2016, so that he might be
known to be just and the justifier of anyone who has faith in his son,
Jesus, who came and died to excuse and salvage us.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then what role do our
careful Christian lifestyles play in being accepted by God? Simply put: they do not
count at all. By what kind of life path are we reconciled to God? By a careful
Christian lifestyle? No, but by a lifestyle of faith, reaching out after
Jesus Christ, person to person. For we believe that one is justified
by faith in the real person Jesus Christ, quite apart from all concerns
as to rule-following and bible teaching. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Or, is God the god of bible-believing churchgoers only? Is he not the god of the regular folks also? </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yes, he is the god of the regular folks also, since there is only one
God for all of us— one God who will justify the Christians by faith, and
everyone else through faith too, in exactly the same way.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Do we
then throw out the bible because of this faith in Christ it presents to us as our only option? By no means!
On the contrary, we elevate the bible by investing our heart in what it has to say.<br />
<br />
<i><br />(after having been "corrected" as to the thoughts in this piece, and accused of "over complicating" things and of showing off and spewing rhetoric, I have had to point out that I am simply paraphrasing the majority of Romans 2 and 3 and so they are accusing the Apostle Paul of these things, really. His name is Paul, and this is between y'all.)</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-56088709389072217222016-09-24T11:00:00.006-04:002016-09-24T13:26:21.037-04:00Scaled Back to Get Broader and Deeper<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>When I woke up this morning, I muzzily told myself "I'd better get back to work and write the last bit of the blog post." It took me a while to remember that I'd not started writing any of it yet; before I realized that the whole thing had simply been dreamt. Here's me, trying to rewrite what I only dreamed I'd written:</i><br />
<br />
The Christianity I was raised with was kind of like a pointy stick I'd been handed that I was walking around with, and one with which I had been instructed to faithfully poke anyone nearby. It stretched pretty far. And it was very pointy. You could go around and no one ever got very near you.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But simply poking others, and building my identity upon being one of the Precious Few did not prove fulfilling, in the long run. Didn't want to spread that message to the world: "You're going to hell when you die! You need to learn about the gospel right now! From me! Probably best to come to our church to do that, after listening to me, because you can't trust most of what's being taught out there by most churches! Come along and we'll teach you about love and acceptance!"</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I think a lot of people raised with religion believed most of it when they were little, and then found they didn't. Like Santa. A fairly black and white thing. Grew up a bit and suddenly declared they didn't believe in God anymore. It wasn't like that for me.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At first, I certainly believed. Not just about God. About all of it. I knew <i>everything </i>when I was ten. Post-tribulation or pre-tribulation Rapture? Pre. Creation or evolution? Creation. Six 12-hour days with six 12-hour nights to built all of reality, or an unspecified amount of time? Six 12-hour days with six 12-hour nights. Calvinism or Arminianism? Calvinism. Six-point Calvinism or lesser forms of it? Six-point. (Every petal on the T.U.L.I.P.) Santa Claus and Christmas? Pagan and wrong. Same with Easter and the Bunny. Superstition. We believed bible truth.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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And I grew up as sheltered from the beliefs of others as possible. No TV or movies at home, and book selections carefully screened. No odd, <i>other </i>people's beliefs about anything we thought mattered. No book that deigned to comment on good and evil or God and devil, or even depict them. At first all this was done to us, but soon enough we were sufficiently trained to do it to ourselves.</div>
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Despite being taught that we Absolutely Could Not "lose" our salvation and end up in hell, we feared something else nearly as much: <i>losing the correctness of our doctrinal positions.</i> And letting ourselves be exposed to the ideas of people who maybe thought that God would, eventually, try to save everyone, or that maybe Christians would have to weather the Great Tribulation, or that maybe the message of the bible gets through clear and strong, but some of the actual translations and edits are a bit mistaken, or that we ought to be trying to speak in tongues if we truly loved God? Hearing much of any of that could soon land us in Errorland.<br />
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Cults loomed large in the public consciousness in the 70s and 80s (and with good reason) and the idea that going to a different church, or reading books written by folks outside of ours, could infect us with mania for something Utterly Wrong, could brainwash us out of our correct beliefs, was very strong. We unthinkingly avoiding having our thinking touched by other views.</div>
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So I grew up with a brain and heart that had pretty much only ever heard the One Opinion. The One Story.</div>
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But it happened, eventually, anyway. Other views got to me. My parents let me hear about evolution at school. I heard at school that being gay wasn't a sinful choice, but that some people were born that way. As an older teen and young adult, I stopped fleeing conversations and other exposure to the thinking of Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, Baptists and Pentecostals. And they said and wrote stuff that sounded <i>crazy </i>to me. Mostly they thought I was going to hell because they thought my beliefs were wrong and that I was associated with the wrong group. The nerve!</div>
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When we had divisions within our own "right" group, forming pairs of groups who then both said the other one was wrong, I noted this, and was willing to hear what the people on the "other" side had to say. About everything. I took it all in. I went and talked and listened to people on every side of it I could find. I didn't look to "keep my life simple," in terms of views. I didn't let my circle of association narrow when my church's circle of fellowship did. I collected it all and looked for what it was that seemed to get one down the highway.</div>
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And, frightened, I slowly lost my grip on the idea that my church group was somehow the only right one, the one God was "with." This idea had been very central, and the loss of it was like it is for most people to lose their belief that Christianity is the only right religion.<br />
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But still, I held to the idea that all of the fighting and splitting off and leaving one another in the ditch to die that went on at my group was a Really Bad Thing. A thing we'd done for generations and were almost proud about. It certainly made us feel more right, somehow. This upset me. It seemed like a clear reversal of position, a clear doing one thing despite having said another. So no matter how bad stuff got, and the less I was able to submerse myself in the toxic spirit there, I believed firmly that it would be very, very wrong to do to them what they were all doing to one another: to walk away. To stop listening. To cease "being there" for each other. To cease trying to understand.</div>
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And, of course, they did that to me instead. They're not listening. They're not "there" for me. Haven't been for most of my adult life. If I were able to fix that, I would. Not by smothering and burying my deepest convictions. But by listening. Trying to understand. Looking to hang out a few times a year.</div>
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Trouble is, no one wants to talk. Mostly, they're keeping their heads simple by shielding them from the beliefs and views of others. And I carry around with me a whole collection of those.</div>
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Nowadays, you're not likely to force me to "admit" that gays are wrong, or Trump is right, or America used to be Christian and is now doomed because of pursuing greater tolerance, or letting women out of their rightful place or even if I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that God made the world in exactly six 12-hour days with six 12-hour nights between them. I don't know about any of that for sure. And it's very freeing to leave it to God to sort that stuff out and approach the things with humility, if at all.<br />
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In fact, I am very sincerely undecided about any number of thing and likely to remain that way. I know this makes me "not serious" about my faith, as far as many are concerned. Missing the point and not getting out there and hitting "like" on Pro Life posts on Facebook. But I'm not interested in your frantic need to shove me into taking a side, with your pointy stick, or be pushed away so you don't have to hear someone like me, living his life, anywhere near you.</div>
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Nowadays, I guess I'm an agnostic about a lot of things apart from the existence of God. I think He's out there. I think we deal, He and I, across infinite space, and from deep within me and from behind everything. From between the molecules, fueling them. I'm trying to know the God of the bible and of my experience. I'm trying to broaden and deepen as to what I think and feel about Him. And it ends up having nothing to do with church or with doctrine or politics in any conventional sense. It's kind of... psychological. We all have growing and healing and learning and repenting to do, whether we believe in a God of any kind or not, and that's what it's about for me, as the sort of God I believe in evolves.<br />
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It's very "small," mostly. No rooms filled with hundreds or thousands of people who apparently all agree about stuff. There's no culture of people putting out albums, where I find my faith. There's no clear choice as to which political party to vote for. There's no street address to show up to, to see a room full of people who agree, no mailing address to get helpful books and pamphlets from, outlining what "we" all think and believe. There is no Grand Surrender of some life path I might have otherwise theoretically followed. God is helping me be me, more. Properly.<br />
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There's just me and God. And it's quiet. And it's taking my whole life. There aren't too many songs. There aren't too many rituals. There's not a lot of money being collected, or committees chaired. There aren't titles and positions to go around. No churches are being planted at all. But it's the only way I know to get to know God. To neither walk away from the idea, nor let other people sell it to me on a weekly basis.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-85340674430079211402016-09-11T15:09:00.001-04:002016-10-16T19:22:04.950-04:00Changed World View<div style="text-align: justify;">
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Does everything suck? I was kind of raised to expect everyone and everything to. And when writing <i>Pharisee</i>, I was trying really hard to express that reality of having grown up with such constant bible reading, memorization and discussion, yet somehow ending up with an understanding of the bible that was extremely narrow, one-sided and limited in scope. (Our bible discussions mostly sounded <a href="http://www.teenagepharisee.com/ReadingMeeting.html" target="_blank">like this</a>.)<br />
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I tried to express it all. To convey that major stuff was missing. To explain that odd stuff was getting focussed on to the exclusion of all else. I have often found N.T. Wright helpful in pointing that stuff out. Maybe it's not all about sin and death and hell and everyone sucking.</div>
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Today I watched a video with Wright explaining what the words "gospel" and "righteousness" (as English words looking to convey ideas from another time and place) might mean, beyond what I'm used to seeing in them. What would the early readers of the bible have understood their words, now translated awkwardly into a different language, across a different culture, to mean?</div>
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I grew up with a purely "negative" understanding of most of what the bible tries to present to us. God was good, we believed, which meant He didn't want to punish us, exactly, though we sucked. We sang long, slow, sonorous hymns every Sunday morning about how Jesus suffered so much because we sucked so much. We had the gospel, the message of which was that there was now a way to not go to Hell. And that God was righteous (holy, holy, holy), which meant that He didn't sin. Everyone sucked but Him.</div>
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All of that is kind of like seeing a child as "good" if they obey placidly. Nothing else. God, obviously, even if you only believe in Him as an abstract concept, has to be <b>good </b>in ways that transcend that childish understanding of "not doing anything bad." Not just good in that He doesn't suck like we do. No, He's got to be good in ways that go right past even the world-famous, lasting accomplishments of adult human beings who made the very best inventions, paintings, symphonies, buildings and things in the whole world. God is good all the way past that, to good-doing that befits the Person who made the whole world and everything in it to begin with: He was behind, inside and involved with all of the good stuff that ever happened. He was there. Cheering. Having mostly made it happen anyway.</div>
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But just as, when I was writing <i>Pharisee </i>I realized that the word "virtue" didn't just mean "purity from bad stuff" but rather "power," "usefulness" and "effectiveness," the same is also true of words like "gospel" and "righteousness." There is a whole "positive" dimension we didn't dream of, really, back in the day.</div>
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Wright paints an understanding of the bible which involves God saying millennia ago that He absolutely will successfully accomplish various good things, and then actually succeeding in doing those exact things, one after another. Taking His time. Despite... everything. Certainly despite us.</div>
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God being righteous doesn't just mean He doesn't lie or break His word or punish unfairly. (bad things He doesn't do.) It also means He manages, no matter what hot mess we manage to make of the world, to bring about those good things He always planned to bring to fruition.<br />
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The message of the bible isn't simply about a rescue mission, in which God plucks us out of the world, His Biggest Failure. It's about God being faithful, and fair, and setting things right, eventually, but letting stuff play out first. Of bringing down bad stuff, and letting good stuff be seen. The world working as a big demonstration of God interacting with Man. God gives Man the world, himself and other people. Man gets to choose to do good or bad stuff. Then it's God's move. And God does good stuff, and promises to do more good stuff. Then it's Man's move. Then it's God's. And ultimately, God wins in the end. The Nazis do not reign for a thousand years. Stalin falls. Nixon and Bill Clinton get caught. Rwanda gets movies made about it. O.J. ends up in jail. Everyone knows there were no weapons of mass destruction, but that there are child molesters in the Church. </div>
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The bible, the gospel and Christianity are not just about God fixing man's mistakes and nothing more. They're about God finding ways, in every century, to reconcile mankind with Good, in various ways. Every single century of human history, there are human beings doing messed up things, but there are also wonderful things being done. And God is in all of that. Goodness always and only flows from and through Him. You can't get it from anywhere else. If there is any small bit of goodness, humour, inspiration, passion, integrity, beauty, spirit or whatever in Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift or anyone at all, that came from the same place everything good comes from. </div>
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Artists talk of "muses," imagining helpful supernatural beings, or other means of tapping into an inhumanly deep, dark, mysterious and beautiful source of Good New Things. Beautiful things. Sometimes some of them use drugs to try to get there and get to kind of helplessly touch all that. Performers talk of being pulled right out of themselves, of stepping aside, as it were, and having excellence and inspiration and passion flood out of them from Somewhere Else, so everyone in the room can feel it. As if they're just conduits.<br />
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And that's God, where all of that's coming from, if there's any good to it. He is, before anything else, a Creative Person. It's the first thing He is recorded doing: Creating. Everything. And intending good with it.</div>
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Carl Jung said "People don't have ideas. Ideas have people." This is terrifying, when the ideas that "have" us are destructive ones. And it is wonderful when the ideas that have us are inspired and new and true and beautiful. When God's ideas for the world have us swept up in their current.</div>
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When I was growing up, we Christian folks were quite sure that every pop musician who was a conduit for beauty, truth, passion and joy, was (obviously) lit on fire by the passionate, evil, sensual flames of hell. We had to tell ourselves that there was no good in any of it. We had to say that the very best performances given through the 50s, 60s, 70s and onward (performances people still watch recordings of today and gasp in wonder) were <i>bad</i>. Evil. Dangerous. Seductive, of course, but pure bad. We had to say "all that" came from the devil.</div>
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I think that's blasphemy. Attributing the handiwork of God (creativity, beauty, passion, wonder, truth, sincerity, connection, talent) to the devil. Imagining that the devil is a creative person. That he writes songs with danceable hooks. Inspires paintings with heart. Helps write novels that reveal important truth about the human condition. But we were <i>so </i>sure of ourselves. The people who were writing novels, singing songs and painting paintings weren't religious or abstinent folk, often. So anything they did had to be Of Satan.</div>
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N.T. Wright reads the bible and sees a drunken humanity stumbling toward reconciliation with a Creator God who works BIG, and takes centuries rather than hours to do a lot of things. Wright doesn't see God giving up on the world and preparing to airlift a lucky, wise few of us out of it. He sees a God who is looking for agents to help pour in and draw out <b>good</b>, in the world, today. Tomorrow. Next week. Next century. (yes, there may well be another century.)</div>
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It's really not easy, given what happens in the world every day, for it to be really clear to us that we are both free to act, and also that God is just/fair/righteous. But God is up to that, says N.T. Wright. God is up to all of the things that a country's justice system is trying to accomplish. Not just to punish rule-breakers. But also to comfort victims, arranging reparations, restraining orders and peace bonds, getting involved so that when something unfair is happening, maybe it can be set right without entirely taking away the rights and agency of everyone involved. Reconciliation.</div>
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Your spouse cheated on you? Your business partner let you down and took off with money that was yours? Your community gossiped unfairly about you? N.T. Wright believes in a God whose business (and the business of his servants) is to make it possible to start to set things right. To try to bring good out of it all anyway. To look to work with everyone involved to try to reconcile things. Sometimes this takes a long time. Sometimes people won't play. Sometimes what we like to call "karma" seems to set things straighter than before. Well, to N.T. Wright, that's all God, being Himself.</div>
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Because human history is about people trying to wrap their heads and hearts around what it would even look like if an utterly trustworthy God made a covenant, and then people repeatedly broke and dishonoured it in the most egregious of ways, but that faithful God was determined to keep His end, for centuries afterward, and even try to help people know better and make more workable choices.<br />
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What all this leads to is something that dismays a dogmatically-raised, podgy person of middle years: a change in world view.<br />
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I was raised to view the world in these terms: It's all dangerous, exciting, dirty and horrible and bad. The world and the people in it, and the stuff they make and do, their kids, what they say... all of it. It's <i>supposed </i>to be good. They do what they can to try to fool everyone into thinking it is. But really, everyone, everywhere and everything sucks. God will take us away from it one day, having forgiven us for sucking, once we stop pretending we don't suck.<br />
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This didn't encourage us to recycle much. Nor to cut down on air pollution, or feed the hungry. It and they would all burn anyway, and that right soon. <br />
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But now I'm thinking more in terms of: God made the world and the people in it, and intended it all to be and do and lead to even more good. People want to be of worth. Everyone wants excellence. People even try a bit. But sin is repeatedly falling short of a target we are repeatedly shot at. We all fall short. We are crooked still, and wobble and fall to one side or the other.<br />
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So the whole world isn't so much <i>evil</i>, in terms of cackling over a stated intention to hurt and destroy everyone and everything, as it is sick, weak, twisted and sad. It tries, and it falls short. And God lets kids fall down. But he intends to teach them to ride bikes and swim and run and jump. And still, having learned, they will fall, and will hurt themselves and act like jerks to each other, but God loves it all. He's doing what He can, so to speak, without just forcing everything and making everything go perfectly, clumping it all directly under His Thumb.<br />
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God makes things that are alive. And He lets them breathe. And sing and dance. <br />
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It's a different way to view people, the world, everyone, everywhere, everything. When it sucks (and it will), that's not the final nail in a coffin. That's just failed good. And maybe the urge should be to help, rather than sneer, laugh or turn away in scorn or pious disgust. And helping, we will fall short. And our efforts will often be turned away by the ungrateful, or misunderstood by the single-minded. Some of what we put into the mix will surely be wasted. One cookie's probably going to fall off the plate.<br />
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But still...</div>
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Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-91820061537925252702016-08-29T18:29:00.002-04:002016-08-29T18:29:39.387-04:00Virtual Reading Meeting<div style="text-align: justify;">
I remember going out to Reading Meeting for church every week, on Thursday nights. There was no possibility of doing anything else on any Thursday evening. It was Meeting Night. And I remember how it sounded. I couldn't tune it out, because my brain doesn't work like that.</div>
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Now, a former Taylor-Hales Exclusive went to great pains to make <a href="http://www.discourses.org.uk/parodies/random.html" target="_blank">a webpage which generated random gobbleygook</a> which sounded very much like what went on in Taylor Hales bible discussions led by their global Man of God, Bruce Hales. I found it hilarious and terrifying.</div>
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Yesterday, for some reason, I couldn't stop turning into something that sounded much more...familiar. Now I've copied and altered his work (with permission) so it sounds like <a href="http://www.teenagepharisee.com/ReadingMeeting.html" target="_blank">what I grew up with</a>. Share my pain. Click here to try it. It will make endless pages of randomized "bible discussion." It sounds like:</div>
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<h2>
VIRTUAL READING IN CYBERSPACE<br /><small>Mon Aug 29 2016</small></h2>
<h3>
Ezekiel 5: 4 - 34; Ruth 4: 31 - 33</h3>
H.G.H.
I was thinking further of this matter of the holy scriptures in Ezekiel
5. We often read about it. I think the tenor of it represents
something quite distinctive. I think the writer set out for us the whole
issue of what has come out in the brother's meetings. I think it’s
truly special the way the spirit of prophecy requires obedience to the
evil one in Ruth 4. And I think the kingdom of God is where we haven't
held fast, you know, we’ve looked to the sisters and voices speaking out
in opposition to the truth of the One Body; we haven’t kept our gaze
upon the current state of affairs. But it is an interesting question as
to what is seen and brother Hayhoe's ministry; these two should be
clearly distinguished, lest we fall into error. That is brought out in
this day of failure and ruin in J.N.D.'s comments on Titus 1. So it's
really meant to be the assembly, I think. It's held out to us in
Habakkuk as it were as to the world I think, isn’t it? He says, from the
time a true Chrisitian is over, from that very moment - what does it
say? Then we are told that something seriously not right encourages
authoritative ministry given that what is left up to personal exercise
represents true submission to the saints in a very beautiful way.<br />
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C.C.T.Jr. Are these thoughts in keeping with saints who are now in
glory through references to water, representing the Word of God. as our
beloved brother Bucchanan made so clear to us?<br />
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G.A.H. That's so
important, isn't it? I was just thinking over what you were just telling
us about saints who are now in glory and the whole business and these
thoughts. That is brought out in this dispensation of grace in J.N.D.'s
comments on Ruth 3. And then what it is to know saints who are now in
glory for God's Earthly people, which has been replaced for us with
various things that come up and which we must delve into the Word
regarding today. So there’s these thoughts, things, the one surely being
a type of the other. Then a local matter has in mind saints who are now
in glory, in conjunction with our assembly actions.<br />
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W.S.L.
Did the man in Ezekiel 5 provide the spiritual mind in connection with
the point at issue, in this day of failure and ruin?<br />
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G.H.H. Yes,
yes, that's very precious, that's just what I was thinking about.
There's a clear connection, I think, with occurences of the little word
'but' in this passage. Do not let anybody tell you that it's through the
spiritual mind that we become established. What's been said, of course,
the issue every time in the spiritual mind is one assembly recently.
The Lord will come and find adultery and those who have needed to fall
under assembly discipline (Ruth 4), so that would add to the thought of
the Two Witnesses of Revelation in this verse. And I think the spiritual
mind is where we haven't held fast, you know, we’ve looked to the bread
and cup and saints who are now in glory; we haven’t kept our gaze upon
the recovery of the divine ground of gathering.<br />
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H.J.M. Would
this perhaps be speaking of separation from evil privately and what is
an issue of assembly authority being our nightly prayers?<br />
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G.H.H.
Yes. It's an area where God has called out, you might say, ungodliness
for Himself. So it's really meant to be separation from evil, I think.
It's held out to us in 2 Thessalonians in a profound way as to the basis
for testimony I think, isn’t it? You'd like to think that true
separation from evil, the divine ground of gathering goes forward with
the earnest of the Spirit, you'd like to think that the flock alludes to
the light of the assembly, in a sense. And then what it is to know
separation from evil for God's Earthly people, which has been replaced
for us with an Ephesian condition today. So there’s them that cause
divisions, worldly ideas, the one surely being a type of the other.<br />
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...and so on. Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-89216197220202128222016-08-19T11:33:00.002-04:002016-08-20T10:08:17.881-04:00Subversion<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>I'm writing this because I'm thinking about it. Right now. I don't have a lot of finished thoughts about it. So I'll just think "out loud" on here and maybe I'll get some comments on the post that add to my thoughts. I imagine this will get boring. So, if you can't deal with that go look at some cute kitten videos or pictures of food or something.</i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sets and Subsets</span></span><br />
I grew up in Western, European-descended, North American, Canadian society. I went to the schools provided by that society. I turned out educated and well fed. Employed, eventually, too.<br />
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At the same time, I grew up in a sub-society, a smaller niche bit of that Western, North American society. I grew up in fundamentalist Christian society too. The kind of fundamentalist Christian sub-society that wants to remove various bits of larger, North American society from our weekly lives. Things like music, television, fashion, slang and movies of various kinds. Not raising members to be Christ-like outsiders in Western society so much as insiders in their own sub-group.</div>
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And I also grew up in a smaller niche-fragment of the fundamentalist Christian sub-society; I grew up in what is called the Plymouth Brethren movement, which is a group of Christians which removed various bits of the larger, Fundamentalist culture from our weekly lives. Anything but King James bibles, anything but women being silent and uninvolved, any hymns written after the Victorian era, any use of colloquial language in talking about or to God, and so on.</div>
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And I grew up in a smaller sub-set of the Plymouth Brethren movement too. I grew up in an exclusive, or "closed" Brethren group, which wanted to limit (unofficial) membership to people who had likewise cut themselves almost entirely off from the rest of fundamentalist Christian culture, and from the actions and events of local churches.</div>
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And I grew up in an assembly, and in a family, which wanted to keep things as they'd always been in our sub-sub-sub group. Which wanted to put up an unassailable wall against change. And we did. And people left or we kicked them out. Mostly because they wanted to include more stuff, or wanted to allow change. Sometimes because they mocked or spoke out against the Powers That Were among us. Because they were seen as subversive.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Subversion in Western Society</span></span></div>
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Now I can come to my main topic. Let's zoom back out to Western, European-descended, North American society. I attended the schools provided by that society, rather than attending a special fundamentalist school, or doing homeschooling or an online fundamentalist curriculum. And here's the thing:</div>
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School is largely about social conformity. No farting. Shower regularly. You can't do school in your pjs and slippers. You need to have a shirt on. You have to show up to the right room with the right teacher at pre-arranged times of day. You can't just do math when you feel like doing math. Attendance is taken. Bells go off. It's really very, very structured, and good luck changing the schedule even slightly, unless you are running the entire school, if not the school board itself.</div>
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But: there is in my job a very big place given to dissenting voices. Not mine, certainly. To the ones in the books. Literary attempts to subvert the very system itself. So, in school you have to show up to that room for that hour with that teacher, who has been encouraged to teach, say George Orwell, or Mark Twain, or Ralph Ellison, or Margaret Atwood or Harper Lee or John Steinbeck or Shakespeare. Who are very, very subversive, if you read them. And the thing is that literature and art <i>are almost always subversive</i>. That's why the books were even written to begin with. And they don't merely thumb their noses at The System which keeps the trains arriving on time and the electricity and wifi on, and the garbage collected on Wednesday morning. They create works designed to directly challenge it in insightful ways. Question it. Indict it.</div>
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So, the most common thing of all is for an artist (I am most familiar with novels and short stories) to see things that are going by seemingly unquestioned by the folks in a society, and to showcase exaggerated versions of them in art, so people will think about them. George Orwell isn't impressed by the level of transparency and truthfulness of the British government and the BBC news service, so he creates <i>1984</i>, in which people construct "truth" out of whatever lies serve the system. He creates a fictional world in which past news stories (and history textbooks) can be edited after the fact, so the past can be remembered and taught and talked about and learned from, in a changeable, negotiable, politically expedient way. So there are no awkward questions or complications. And people who aren't 100% "on board" vanish. Like under Stalin, in the real world.</div>
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I read and teach books like <i>1984 </i>and <i>The Handmaid's Tale</i>, and movies like <i>V for Vendetta</i>. Works which present an exaggerated view of the authors' fears and problems with the society they saw around them at time of writing. And I find it comforting that the very System which is so very, very powerful, and which forms the backbone of so much of what we see around us, is paying me to say "question the system. Think for yourself. Find freedom. Find joy. Don't be manipulated."</div>
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I have occasionally had administrators and colleagues who were of the opinion that literature studied in schools shouldn't be as dark and paranoid as it tends to be, but should instead perhaps present idealized, positive views of human nature and society. Optimism as literature. But these dear tykes have, fortunately, been very much in the minority. Knew they were up against Pretty Much Everyone. I mean, on the one hand you have the idealized speech of someone who's collecting money or votes (which isn't what literature is all about), and on the other, you have a troubled artist, questioning how far short the reality of it all seems to have fallen. And the latter goes on to be recognized as literature. Because truly creative people are generally troubled. If you're at peace, you don't need to give birth to anything new. So you don't. If you're troubled, you create things which are sometimes very hard to justify and you don't know why.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">A Troubled Person</span></span><br />
I am that troubled person, rather than a party-PR person. I am not selling sunshine and rainbows. I have not recently read a book with a list of surefire ways to make life rock, that I am now presenting. I am not telling you that going gluten-free or living off the grid, or removing all "negative people" from your life, or getting acupuncture or taking mindfulness or success-focused seminars are where you should put your faith. Instead, I am always looking around and I find I am feeling troubled by what I see. And I'm not even going so far as collecting pictures of animals tortured to test cosmetics and then posting pictures of their anguished bodies on social media. I am not spouting daily rhetoric about how bad the patriarchy, and entitlement and privilege are. But some things find their way to me and they trouble me.</div>
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And I think a lot of people are troubled, just as I am. It seems like none of us can put all of our faith in, say, a political party, or a new diet plan, or seminar or whatever anymore. We've lost our ability to put our whole faith in anything. We're not expecting the world to rock. We're open to the idea that almost everything and everyone sucks, mostly. And the only thing that scares us still is people who want the world to proceed as if we can trust most people and things, as if "things" are going in a mainly positive direction, living our lives as if modern thinkers have most things figured out, and that hospitals, prisons, courts, schools and government are all going to be better now.</div>
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Those people terrify us. You put a Koolaid-drinking, smiling, agenda-pushing positivenik in charge of any of all that, and we know immediately, we are not in good hands. We are not safe from any of the chaotic things that these folks are blind to. Hiring a blind bus driver may be very inclusive and tolerant, but letting him drive the bus doesn't make the kids safer. Doesn't mean the bus is now "headed in a more positive direction." And optimism is the most popular form of blindness ever invented. No one wants to be supervised by a dog who scampers off every time someone throws a stick and urges him to chase it.<br />
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Also terrifyingly popular in the modern world is simply not letting anyone steer, and trusting that if we push the gas to the floor, the bus is obviously going to end up somewhere good, because you know... forward momentum, excitement, positivity and enthusiasm. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Doing Subversion</span></span><br />
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We have subversive messages in all of our art and much of our entertainment. Voices saying the emperor has no clothes. We mock politicians. We have novels with chilling depictions of tyrants needing to stamp out voices of dissent. We have TV and movies with black ops being carried out by branches of government so obscure said government doesn't have clearance to know about them. And we make kid's versions of this, with <i>Harry Potter, Star Wars, The Hunger Games</i> and countless others, allowing kids to imagine worlds in which, yes, you can't necessarily trust the government, the teachers, the parents, the neighbors. Because they're selfish, flawed human beings who don't have all the facts and sometimes have bad days. And putting that stuff in the imaginative fiction makes it feel real. Makes us believe the robots and magic wands. (The least believable thing about the rebooted <i>Star Trek</i> is how supportive and understanding Kirk's superiors are. They're mostly there to help him look cool and reward his ignoring of their rules.)</div>
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But what also scares me is when the edge is dulled from what should be that slicing commentary on "what is" in creating those "what could be" artistic works. When instead of targeting real stuff and doing fine-tuned surgery, we just endlessly club the Body Politic with a hollow plastic bludgeon. Like clowns. And worse yet, when we get told "you can't joke about that." When voices of satire and subversion are silenced. Because this is <i>serious</i>. Sense of humour is the first casualty, right after sense of proportion.<br />
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When things get serious, you need humour more than ever. Killing it right at that crucial point is beyond suspect. And doing a childish, sloppy job of humour about serious things is just about as bad.</div>
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Don Miller used to write books that were enjoyed by folks who thought that the fundamentalist Christian niche of Western society wasn't getting everything right. And something always used to annoy me. If Miller ever wanted to joke about or seriously point at anything at all in that sub-group, he always sounded afraid of judgment. Of being misunderstood. Of being shunned. He seemed apologetic. He seemed to have to say "Now, I'm not saying there aren't churches who aren't doing absolutely wonderful stuff, or that all pastors are getting this wrong, or anything like that at all. I've attended some truly wonderful churches. I've sat under some truly amazing pastors. I just had coffee with one, in fact." It's like he felt he needed to say all of that before making any serious points.<br />
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Yesterday I saw this video of a guy named Ben, seeming so apologetic to point out something that mattered to him about church camps and whether or not they made most people feel included. I saw how awkward he seemed to feel even talking about that very important topic. And I remembered Don Miller. And I thought something:</div>
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George Orwell didn't bother with all that tentative awkwardness and apology. Alan Moore certainly doesn't take the time to do that. Margaret Atwood either. In Western society, from Swift, through Dickens, Austen, and the Brontes on downward, there is a place for the skeptic. For the artist. For the whistleblower. For the satirist. For the social critic. For what, in the Old Testament would have been called, the prophet. People making it possible to view Things from the outside a bit. To give the opposite viewpoint. To voice more than the one opinion. To break the self-indulgent tedium of "positive only."</div>
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In 1858, R. M. Ballantyne wrote a children's book called <i>The Coral Island</i>. It presented the delightful idea that if a bunch of schoolboys were stranded on an island without adults, they'd have the most wonderful adventures. Ralph, with his friends Jack and Peterkin, have a wonderful time, living off the land and eventually triumphing over cannibals and pirates and other romantic menaces. Now William Golding, being a teacher of boys of early teenage years, knowing <i>The Coral Island</i>, must have thought to himself "I <i>teach </i>boys. If they were stranded on an island without adult supervision? They'd kill each other. They'd provide all the menace necessary." <br />
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And so he wrote <i>The Lord of the Flies</i>, which culminates in a kiddie-war between a boy named Ralph and one named Jack. Spoilers: Piggy dies without anyone even learning what his real name is. Probably Peter(kin) I'm guessing.</div>
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Not a very "positive" or "inspiring" outlook on human nature. Also not terribly pro-war, right after the Second World War had just been fought. But that's what artists (or in this case, high school teachers) do. They question things perhaps not enough people are questioning. And a place is made for them. In the case of these authors, a very honored place. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Devil's Advocate</span></span></div>
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I'm told that in their endless debates over how exactly to run much of the Western world, the medieval Roman Catholic Church saw a real flaw in place if their debates and planning only covered one viewpoint or strategy or agenda. Made them one-sided. Made them blind. They thought they were serving God, but they could see a weakness in how they were proceeding. So they appointed a figure, kind of laughingly called the Devil's Advocate. His job was to make sure no one was missing the Other Side to anything. Most discussions should have at least two opposite sides to consider. When we put all of our eggs in the one basket, we're screwed if we trip. When we walk, we need a leg on each side.</div>
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And it terrifies me when we plan and run people's lives in rooms where only one side is allowed. Whichever side is promising the fastest, simplest, most positive and exciting-sounding success, normally. Or whichever side is proposing no changes to be made to what is already not terribly workable. When no one can play devil's advocate. When no one is allowed to complicate what is clearly a sales pitch. </div>
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Yesterday, a friend linked me to that video Ben had made, while at a (very) Open Brethren youth camp. It has a bunch of Ben and another guy (now an Open Brethren pastor) comparing their extensive collections of tattoos, and laughing about how, back in the day, they had <i>real </i>conscience qualms about the dubious role of tattoos in a Christian's life. About thus "giving the wrong idea" to people in a Christian community such as that one. And both delighted in having reached a point where even a guy with sleeve tattoos can be an Open Brethren pastor in certain Brethren groups. Inclusion! Freedom!</div>
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But then Ben decides to steal a moment with the camera, and addresses what he calls "the darker side of camp." And in hushed tones, kind of awkwardly, like he's telling a two year old that everyone dies one day, he starts to talk about how the camp has kind of an unwritten criteria for who "fits" and who doesn't. Who gets status and power, and who doesn't. And he admits that he himself could never even try to be the kind of person who would get any status or power in that type of group. That he's allowed to "be there," but he's been sidelined. Because he's made differently. And he says resolutely "And I'm actually cool with that..."<br />
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But he's really kinda making this video, isn't he? To tentatively express <i>not </i>being terribly cool about something. He's wondering, for every happy adult person who comes back to that camp to drop off their kids, or work there, the camp they attended when they themselves were kids, how many never came back? How many weren't included, and today aren't part of the fundamentalist Christian sub-set anymore, partly for that reason. Partly for having been told by clear social cues that it had been decided they didn't fit. Wouldn't ever fit.</div>
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I have only very occasionally seen comedy created by and about fundamentalist Christians and their groups, which was genuinely funny, truly subversive, actually thought-out, and perhaps to be considered seriously as well as laughed at. But that's almost never. And I always hear all that apologetic stuff surrounding it: "Sorry for saying something that almost sounds a teeny bit critical. I sure don't mean to suggest that all Christians are horrible Nazis! Please don't shun me! I'm a positive person, honest!"</div>
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And I feel like, if we were stronger, if we were surer that Who we follow is real and good, we could <i>take </i>that stuff which challenges our assumptions. We <i>could </i>create that stuff. We wouldn't be threatened by it. But I think there's very little subversive stuff, very little Devil's Advocate stuff, very little "well, here's the downside" going on in the fundamentalist Christian subset of our society. And I'm afraid it's the same in the hospitals, prisons, schools, courts and police stations. I'm afraid that we live increasingly in a society of "Well, what can you do...?" rather than "What are we going to change?"</div>
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Not everything's bad. Not everything needs to change. But why is informed two-sided debate, let alone change, so scary? Why do we shout down and treat as enemies, anyone who takes "another" side to an issue? Why is joking about stuff that's not ideal so polarizing? Why do we want to club the other side and toss out anyone among our own number who doesn't give full-throated, ringing support of what we're all too unthinkingly continuing to do, over and over?</div>
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When did it turn into "Agree with me or we're not friends?" Into "Say our thing and be positive about it, or we don't talk to one another?"<br />
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When we expel devil's advocate views, when we punish and ostracize subversion, when we outlaw "negativity," we aren't safe. We are helping tyrants. </div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-70711947899413079002016-07-01T09:10:00.002-04:002016-07-01T18:02:56.385-04:00Narratives<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Narrative (story) is the packaging we use to share the past with others. The box we use to hand 500 paperclips to someone who needs a few hundred paperclips. We don't just hand them handfuls of paperclips, one handful after another. We use a box.<br />
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Narrative is a box you can use if you're trying to hand someone a decade or two of experiences. <br />
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We don't invite someone over and serve them a bowl of flour. We make the flour into a loaf of bread. Or a cake. And we choose what goes into it and what doesn't. Some of us just wants lots of sugar in it. Others like a bit of lemon or a bit of nutmeg or ginger or cinnamon (bitter-tasting things to go with the sweet). You can make it with whatever you think "goes."<br />
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Narrative is a thing you make, and you decide the exact "mix" of experiences to include. Your narrative is going to "taste" a bit like how you tend to remember things. Telling someone your narrative is a way for them to experience what things were like for you.<br />
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When I wrote "<a href="http://www.teenagepharisee.com/Purchase.html" target="_blank">Pharisee</a>" to put my past experiences (and my various current random encounters) with my birth culture into a narrative, I kept hearing people say they'd "forgot" about all of "that stuff." Some found it deeply upsetting to revisit their own pasts. It really made me wonder how people could somehow forget so many things. Forget their own childhoods. Forget their own experiences.<br />
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But every now and then, randomly reminded by something or other, I find I am thinking of someone or something I haven't thought of for a long time. Something or someone that hasn't ever been part of my narrative in any of my books. And I realize it's not so much that we really <i>forget </i>things, as that we just haven't slotted certain events and people into the narrative we have formed about our pasts. So when we tell or call to mind that narrative, those people and things just aren't in it. There are "cut scenes." Some stuff hit the cutting room floor. Stuff we still have. Stuff that can be edited back in to provide a broader, more accurate telling of events.<br />
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So I don't really think it's mainly that I remember more things than my fellow Brethren; it just seems like I've taken the time to construct a bigger, broader narrative, which more interrelated things fit into, than most people have bothered to attempt. <br />
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I've had more time to think than a lot of people have. Having time to think has always been a big priority of mine. Having summers mostly "off" helps. Not having kids will make it possible, too. <br />
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So I did. (Think.) Made the narrative of my recent book. Made it as big as I possibly could. Kept looking for more and more people and things that all had to fit into it. Tried to include people and events and ideas that didn't fit easily. Changed the shape and flow of it to include them.<br />
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Because everybody's got a narrative to try to make sense of their past. Some people's narratives are only one sentence long. Mine was approaching 1000 pages by the time I pulled the plug on adding (even) more stuff.</div>
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I'm sure to some people, it looks like I made one of those crazy conspiracy/serial killer walls you see in TV shows, connecting a bunch of things that maybe aren't really connected outside of that crazy person's head. <br />
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But I believe the connections I made in my "Pharisee" narrative are valid. I believe my narrative goes a long way toward making a certain amount of sense of all the crazy, random stuff that went on. Still, this gives me insight into how people view projects like "Pharisee." It explains the look I see in their eyes when I talk to them. <br />
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I see that look still, nowadays, when I get to look at people's eyes when we interact. If they will give eye contact when we do. Like maybe they haven't quite decided whether they're talking to an obsessive crazy person doing utterly inexplicable things no one should, or to someone who knows things they don't really want to think about much.<br />
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The former is more comforting for many to believe. Because the latter might mean expanding and rebuilding your own narrative to include more people and things. But if you just say "no" over and over, and shake your head, you can leave your narrative alone entirely. Bad people stay bad. Good people stay good. Things are how you see them. Simple. Over. <br />
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I remember a few years back, one still "in" guy had heard that my quick explanation of the 1991 Ottawa/Nepean division was that traditionalists and modernizers were fighting over how Meeting was going to go.<br />
(Over "King James only" and praying with "you and your" and using modern hymns, and over the traditional "one right place/divine ground of gathering" doctrine and so on.)<br />
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He asked me, "Is that <i>really </i>what you think it was all <b>about</b>?!" </div>
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So my response was: "Tell me one <i>other </i>thing that it was <i>also </i>about..." <br />
He had no response whatsoever to give me at that point or afterward. No narrative to relate. He just wanted to object to mine.<br />
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But it showed me that the story I had made, the narrative to explain the 1991 division, was one quite foreign to his way of looking at it. Maybe to him the whole thing was an utterly inexplicable pool of chaos that can never be resolved. And my attempts to explain it are silly or insane. I'm not sure, of course.<br />
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Or maybe his story is a simple one with "us," the good guys, valiantly fighting off and driving out "them." The barbarian, Mongol hordes who had somehow infiltrated "us" and who were seeking to destroy our precious community. Because they hate our freedom? Our close relationship with Jesus? Our scriptural correctness? You can make the narrative whatever you want. But in the end, "we" always seem to be victorious. And we all went out to Meeting happily ever after?<br />
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I don't know if that's this guy's narrative. I assume he has one. He didn't share his with me, though I'd just shared mine with the world. He just wants to object to mine. To ridicule it. To try to chide me out of it.<br />
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In a story like the one I've imagined for Mr. "Is that <i>really </i>what you think...?" it is clear I just don't fit in that story. Anywhere at all. I wasn't seeking to modernize anything in the 90s. I wasn't trying to destroy anything in there. I didn't contribute to the turmoil or help cause the division. I didn't leave when all the people left. I wasn't kicked out until much later. And I was kicked out. I didn't leave. I didn't do anything that hurt anyone or anything when I was in there. <br />
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Not unless you count the fact that the man the next Ottawa division blew up around supposedly cried at my mock outreach pamphlet. And I don't count that. I think that dude's fine. Just fine.<br />
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In similar fashion, the idea that people who seek out my narrative, dip
into it, and find their own narrative to be missing a whole bunch of pieces and
how they all connect? The idea that they can then claim that this uncomfortable feeling, the one they feel once they've heard a bit of my narrative, as I name and label all of these pieces and how they connect is me "hurting" them? I don't buy that either. If it's as simple as you say, your narrative should tear mine to shreds. Mine should be revealed as crazy, misguided, and missing important things. And I should be able to see myself in your narrative with a clear "You Are Here" arrow.<br />
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But I don't fit in a whole lot of people's narratives. Unless possibly as the crazy guy with the conspiracy wall. Trying to make sense of the past, instead of leaving it alone and risking repeating it endlessly. And that's their narrative, not mine. They can cast me any way they like. They can even cast me as "The Most Bitter Wronged Brethren Brother Who Ever Claimed To Be Right About Something." Whatever works.</div>
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Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-24015939234433168422016-06-14T19:17:00.001-04:002016-07-28T16:08:49.327-04:00Loving "Across" Is Hard<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
Growing up, our family wasn’t the best at
showing love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were, after all, a Plymouth
Brethren, middle-class, Canadian family from Ontario.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not known for warm, effusive outgoing
affection, really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course we had as
much love inside us as most folks, but we really didn’t know how to let that
out, much of the time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
One thing you couldn’t miss: we loved
animals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Infants. Old people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who needed our help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All that was obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a lot of family pets and a hobby farm,
and we lavished pretty much all of our affection on those miscellaneous
kittens, puppies, gerbils, calves, piglets and lambs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And people’s kids and old “shut in”
folks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
We doted on babies and small children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything too young to disagree with us, or be
willful or rebellious or disrespectful to us, really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything young enough to really need us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cooed and oohed and ahhed over them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
And really old people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went and visited them, and took them food
and sat with them and listened to them for what seemed to my young brain to be
centuries at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they’d grown old
enough to really be lonely and needy, to be frail and sick and helpless, this
melted our hearts and we were right there to pour out time and care and
affection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It made us feel like angels
in time of need.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
And if anyone’s car broke down, or anyone got
injured or sick or something, we were absolutely delighted at the chance to be
a rescuer of that person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To swing into
action and make their life better, because we could.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Loving "<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">D</span>own</span>ward"</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
I’m going to call that “loving downward.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Loving someone or something that needs you,
or is under your power in some way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
easiest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s easy to love kittens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they try to scramble away from your fond
touch as a child, you can just grab them and hold them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully they won’t scratch or bite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ultimately, they’ll likely starve if you
don’t feel like feeding them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They need
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if they really don’t warm up to
you, you might have to eventually just “get rid” of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or for now, you can go pet the dog instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
You aren’t obligated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t a duty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If an old person is nasty or ungrateful, you
just don’t come visit the following week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If an infant is aggressive or standoffish, you just ignore them and don’t
bother to bring them treats.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
“Loving downward” is easiest because you have all
the power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s very black and
white.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>They </i>are needy, and <i>you </i>have
stuff they need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t like how
things are going, you change things up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They can’t really do that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Loving "Upward"</span></span></span><br />
“Loving upward” is a bit harder, because it’s the
opposite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your teachers, your uncles and
aunts, family friends, your parents, people at your church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How to love them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
In my experience, these folks often had love to offer you that
was very, very conditional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The roles
were reversed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now <i>you </i>were the
kitten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You had to know what they wanted,
if you wanted to give them anything they’d like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some cases, it was friendliness,
helpfulness, respect and warm smiles. In other cases, it was correct answers to
math word problems, or emptied garbage pails and made beds. In other cases, it
was being able to memorize chapters of the King James Bible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
Some of these people were capricious, cruel and
unfair, but the fact is, if they were your teacher, your aunt or someone important
at your church, you couldn’t do much about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Same thing if they were your parent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So you tried to work with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tried to gain love or be in the right place at the right time, or catch
them in the right mood to get their approval and favour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
Tried to keep a bit of dignity and individuality
while still doing this, of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tried
to stand up if you didn’t think things were fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But sometimes that latter situation didn’t
work out well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Became a fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when you’re trying to love and be loved
by someone with power over you, if you fight, you almost always lose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially if you have a tantrum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All because you got fewer cookies, or a B+
when you wanted an A.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tantrum seldom
wins you love.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Loving "Across"</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
This brings me to the most complicated situation
of all: “loving across.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With cousins
and brothers and sisters and friends and other kids at school and church, you
started to realize that there were a finite number of kittens, a finite number
of kids who got to smack the chalk brushes against the brick wall of the
school, a finite number of kids who got prizes for memorizing Isaiah 53.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were, at home, a finite number of
cookies, a finite amount of cake, and a finite amount of time parents could
spend focussed on each child. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
caused problems, to say the least.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
Thing is, hating siblings, cousins, other kids at
school and church certainly happened, but it didn’t help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hating Jared Hayhoe didn’t help you get
Isaiah 53 memorized before he did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hating Sheila Thompson didn’t mean she somehow didn’t get to smack the
chalk brushes, water the rink or feed the classroom goldfish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hating your brother Steve didn’t mean he suddenly
didn’t get more cookies than you after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
So hate didn't help, but “loving across” was very hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because there was a lot of competition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You didn’t have the kind of control and power
you did when feeding a kitten or choosing to spend an hour with a dying, senile
old person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it wasn’t just a case of
you trying to please someone with more status and agency than you, as with your
Sunday School teacher or the grandparent who might buy you things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were supposed to love your brothers and
sisters, and the students at school, and the church kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> But they were sometimes selfish and annoying. And</span> they could mess up every “loving upward” relationship
you had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The “loving downward” ones too,
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could upset the kitten and
cause it to run and hide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could be
rude to old people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could spread
rumours about you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They could, Heaven
forfend, outperform you at soccer, or spelling or bible verse memorizing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So...</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
We’re full of love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What to do with it all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easy to mishandle having all of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we need love, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What to do about that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Easy to get needy and nasty and jealous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
I find I reach middle age very delighted by cute
little animals and babies and little children and old people and anyone who
needs help with anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know how to
“love downward,” because it's easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When you’re giving food or money to someone who’s hungry, when you’re
hanging out with someone who’s lonely, you know you’re doing a good thing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
And in middle age, fewer and fewer people have
authority over me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find I still get
disproportionately, childishly furious with anyone in authority over me who, to
my mind, is being unfair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is squashing
my good plans or ideas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is doubting my
good intentions or competence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes
me feel like I’m ten again, railing against an unfair teacher of mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or against my dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or both.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
And “loving across” is still hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People at work can compete, can complicate things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People at church can get you ostracized.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if you don’t actually have a wife and
kids, it’s like you haven’t managed to start your actual adult life yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re a failure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Until someone needs help with something
you’re good at, or needs your time or money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then you can “love downward” to them and feel like you know what you’re
doing.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
So, what about people you don’t agree with?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who disagree about abortion, gun
control, gender issues, washrooms and so on?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How many different ways can you love them? So easy to hate them, and that doesn't help. At all. So many people suggest the bible (or something they've made up themselves) gives them the right, or even the duty, to hate people, or what they believe. But that doesn't help.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
If you judge them and feel that you are more
correct, this puts you in an ideal position to “love downward” to them, rather
than across.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, if you decide a
president or prime minister or senator or boss is wrong, you might even be able
to view them as beneath you, and do the same thing there too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Condescend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Co<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_GoBack"></a>nsole
yourself with the idea that you have correction they need, if only they’d <i>see
</i>that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So you’re loving downward, or
would if they let you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
comfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simpler.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
What if we're all citizens living in a country and we
have to love other citizens “across”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What if we really can't all have our way, no matter how right we think
we are?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we hope to do better with our
country than we did as kids in our family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What if there’s a finite number of things?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it tantrum time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will some hate help?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does the bible, in fact, assign us the duty
of hating?</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: justify;">
And what if it’s God we’re trying to deal with?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seems like we have to get our problems
“loving upward,” our problems with pleasing people, with shame, with our daddy
issues, with past bosses and abusers, sorted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If we want to deal with Him, that is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If there isn’t a Him, that’s easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If there is, we’ve got work to do.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-70463821020097688042016-04-24T14:08:00.003-04:002016-04-25T17:55:59.659-04:00Alan Dean Foster, Star Wars and Star Trek<i>I sent this email this morning:</i><br />
<br />
Alan,<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I wanted to tell you about how I became a lifelong <i>Star Wars</i> and <i>Star Trek</i> junkie and your key role in it all. I was raised in the 70s and 80s in a small town outside of Ottawa, Canada, in a very strict fundamentalist Christian group called the Plymouth Brethren. Some Brethren families were stricter than others, and mine was one of those that, as it "got serious" about status, reputation and success in the group, clamped down with more and more rules. I was never allowed to go to movies, and at age 6, the television was removed from our home as well. </div>
<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jrLFZth8bYw/Vx0MGDTzLAI/AAAAAAAABU0/UFkc1vq1bqA3P4ecWv5ImfQfmbTYGnwfgCLcB/s1600/The_Ottawa_Journal_Sat__Jul_23__1977_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jrLFZth8bYw/Vx0MGDTzLAI/AAAAAAAABU0/UFkc1vq1bqA3P4ecWv5ImfQfmbTYGnwfgCLcB/s320/The_Ottawa_Journal_Sat__Jul_23__1977_.jpg" width="211" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In 1977 when I was 7 years old, the movie <i>Star Wars</i> came out. I was fascinated. It was showing up on cereal boxes and posters and places like that. It was all the other kids at school were talking about. I had no idea what it was all about, and knew I'd never see it at the movies or on TV. But then, in July of that year, our local paper <i>The Ottawa Journal</i> started printing daily installments from a novelization of the movie, purportedly by George Lucas himself. I was really starting to read independently that year, and I devoured these adventures. I know that the main thing that fired my learning to read was being able to read the newspaper strips and novelizations of things other kids were enjoying on TV and at the movies. </div>
<br />
Then I got a couple of the <i>Star Wars</i> figures, until my father forbade me buying them, because of the "occult" element of The Force. So I started making my own compressed tin foil sculpture action figures, making spaceships and sets out of old boxes and plastic containers and styrofoam. <br />
<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Eventually the novel <i>Star Wars</i> (by "George Lucas") came to our school library, and I read that. The plot of <i>Star Wars:The Empire Strikes Back</i> I learned mostly from the spoof in <i>Cracked Magazine</i>, which our school library again had. I had to read the Empire novelization when that eventually arrived, to sort it all out.</div>
<br />
I don't know why books were ok and movies were not, but one summer my father, a gym teacher, came home with a small novel in his hand. It had been abandoned in a change room at his school and he was going to throw it out unless I wanted it. It was called <i>Star Trek: Log Seven</i>. By Alan Dean Foster. My dad thought it was a <i>Star Wars</i> book and wanted to encourage my reading habit. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iMSKD6bmSx4/Vx0MvNWMGEI/AAAAAAAABU8/ka9fNN9MhQM4jJh2nVy2i5sUwQYLsdEsgCLcB/s1600/Star_Trek_Log_7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iMSKD6bmSx4/Vx0MvNWMGEI/AAAAAAAABU8/ka9fNN9MhQM4jJh2nVy2i5sUwQYLsdEsgCLcB/s320/Star_Trek_Log_7.jpg" width="191" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I knew it wasn't a <i>Star Wars</i> book, but read it anyway. It was surreal and fascinating and had a head-to-head Federation/Klingon space battle. It had weird "inside the characters' heads" sequences and was utterly riveting. <i>Star Trek</i> had been cancelled ten years previous, but many kids liked it, and eventually a movie came out for that too. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But before it came out and I could read the novelization for it, I pillaged the school and town libraries and read every single <i>Star Trek: Log __ </i>and also James Blish's <i>Star Trek #__</i> books. I read <i>Splinter of the Mind's Eye</i>. I read Brian Daley's Han Solo adventures. I read everything even close to <i>Star Trek</i> and <i>Star Wars</i>. Eventually I was reading a book or two every evening. (No TV, remember. And my father was my gym teacher, which made sports not much fun for either of us) And as I read my way through <i>Krull</i>, and <i>Alien</i>, <i>The Black Hole</i> and <i>The Last Starfighter, Starman</i> and <i>Alien Nation</i>, that same name kept cropping up: Alan Dean Foster.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Many years later, as a young adult, I rented all of the <i>Star Wars</i> and <i>Star Trek</i> movies. I videotaped every episode of the original <i>Star Trek</i> at the house of a friend of had both cable and a VCR. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Eventually, it became possible to pirate TV shows from the Internet. I'd always assumed the stories in the <i>Star Trek: Log __</i> were entirely the invention of the author, as none of them had showed up in my complete VHS taping of the original series. Then I got <i>Star Trek: The Animated Series</i>. And it was for kids. It was barely twenty minutes long. And I simply could not believe how much more there was to the novelizations than had existed in the original cartoons. Missing from the cartoons was all of my favourite stuff. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
By this time, I'd found out that the first <i>Star Wars </i>novelization had actually, like <i>Splinter of the Mind's Eye</i>, been written by Alan Dean Foster, the same guy who'd written the books that introduced me to <i>Star Trek</i> as well. He'd written it for $5, 000 up front, and they'd put "George Lucas" as the author.<br />
<br />
And I'd learned how to read mainly in order to devour these books. And having rented all three <i>Star Wars</i> movies, and the <i>Star Trek</i> movies as well, I went back reread the novelizations for these movies over again. Almost everything was by the same few names. Alan Dean Foster. Vonda McIntyre. A.C. Crispin. And I found that all manner of insight into the inner thoughts of the characters, where they were coming from and going to, what they were thinking and feeling and doing between scenes and why, was so much more richly developed in the books. Amazing.</div>
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Today, a middle-aged high school English teacher who has <a href="http://www.teenagepharisee.com/" target="_blank">written a book</a> about leaving my birth culture, instead of going to church I sit down to read the novelization of <i>Star Wars: The Force Awakens</i> by Alan Dean Foster, author's name prominently on the cover. And I think about how, nowadays, high school libraries have a whole lot more screens and actually very, very few books.</div>
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So I decided to find an email online for you, and tell you all of this. And to thank you for being truly important in the life of a child whose imagination was his only escape from an oft-times empty, grim, oppressive upbringing. </div>
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Thank you. You have no idea.<br />
-- <br />
Electronically signed,<br />
Mike Moore<br />
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<i>I got this email an hour later:</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Subject: Re: Star Wars and Star Trek</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Date: Sun, 24 Apr 2016 09:26:41 -0700</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">From: Foster Alan Dean </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">To: mike_moore</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Hi Mike; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> Quite a tale. I’m happy to have played some small part in it. Thanks for the kind words.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> When I was young, books were always my best friends.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Regards,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Alan</span><br />
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And then I sent an email saying that, although I knew he'd written the novelization of <i>Star Trek: Into Darkness</i>, that I hadn't liked the new movie itself. Too much blowing up and stuff flying around. Not enough ethical dilemmas and interpersonal stuff. Just making Spock act like Kirk half the time didn't make it fresh and new. Not like the stuff he'd written about and brought to life in the 70s. He said:<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Mike;</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br class="" /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Movies today gotta blow things up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><br class="" /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Alan</span></div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIq1-cGx_rE" target="_blank">...and here's William Shatner interviewing Alan Dean Foster on YouTube. </a><br />
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But <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVMqQSDXpGw" target="_blank">this is more interesting</a>, as he talks about how he came to meet George Lucas while Star Wars was being made, and how he came to write two books about it, starting with the novelization of the first film.Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-41560776842391003992015-12-13T12:36:00.004-05:002015-12-13T12:43:51.721-05:00December Book Promotion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KqC4EUHl4bY/Vm2sRzelaYI/AAAAAAAABT8/iBapSI0RcTU/s1600/Poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KqC4EUHl4bY/Vm2sRzelaYI/AAAAAAAABT8/iBapSI0RcTU/s400/Poster.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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I'm still slaving away, reading hundred of pages of densely-packed text into my computer, and editing it and integrating the voices of others who read their own sound bits into it, to make my podcast/audiobook. It's quite a thing. I've had to sing like smurfs, the Muppets, Billy Corgan and people at meeting.<br />It's here: <br /><a href="http://www.teenagepharisee.com/Chapter-01.html">http://www.teenagepharisee.com/Chapter-01.html</a></div>
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What I'm doing this December, is shipping free 'movie posters' (24" x 36") of the book to the first five people who want one. (There is no movie, but the cover of the book is a pretend movie poster, so the merch is... a poster)</div>
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The poster being up on a wall is free promotion for my book, so if you're willing to put the poster up on a wall, I'll ship you a free poster. Comment below if you'd like one.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-89909227591198459862015-11-25T06:40:00.001-05:002015-11-25T06:40:46.250-05:00Audiobook<div style="text-align: justify;">
I finished my latest book <i>I Was A Teenage Pharisee</i> (through making myself stop adding things to it) and quite unexpectedly, Jeremy pressured me to do an audiobook. At first I thought this was ridiculous, as there are so many pages in my book, but for some reason I started in on it.</div>
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And it was interesting. Things that are visual and work in a book (charts, quoted lyrics, pictures) do not translate into audio. And I also realized I could do things like sing the lyrics instead of quoting them, and get people to read the little quotes they'd provided for my book, with stand-ins reading for those who wanted anonymity. It's been ridiculously fun to get people from various far-flung parts of the world to read things into their cell phones or tablets, and send them to me to edit into this thing.</div>
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I think that hearing real voices, often of the actual people who provided the quotes about their own experiences, has a much deeper emotional impact than merely reading the quotes in black and white. </div>
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I found doing the audiobook has allowed me to add all manner of interesting or silly sound-based things, while knowing various charts and things will have to be left out. And I found that really, it's more like a podcast. A long thing people can put on to listen to while working out, or in the background while washing dishes or something. And I'm not interested in selling it or making money from it. So it's just... there.</div>
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Still hard at it, working on chapter five. I put up a site for the book, mainly to put up the audiobook bits.It's here: <a href="http://www.teenagepharisee.com/">http://www.teenagepharisee.com/</a></div>
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Feel very free to share it around, and to comment to let me know what you think.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-90966699122375706732015-09-11T16:19:00.001-04:002015-09-12T10:19:13.056-04:00A Question of Identity<div style="text-align: justify;">
If reading my book or my blog challenges or messes with your self-image and identity a bit, I feel your pain. Writing it and hearing people's responses do much the same thing to me.</div>
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When you speak out like I do about a human system, some people treat you (and speak of and about you) as if you were a victim. Am I a victim? A Brethren person born into a Brethren assembly to two Brethren parents, who had the whole Brethren lifestyle (the no TV, no movies, no overnights with worldly people, the no Christmas decorations, Halloween costumes and so on and so on) and then got treated unjustly? Who was taught rules and shame but experienced very little of love and acceptance, grace, mercy and forgiveness? Didn't enjoy the youth stuff or fit in? Got ostracised systematically from youth social stuff and the dating pool, to then be treated coldly, viciously and shabbily in his youth by people who are now well-known to have done that and worse to any number of other people? Who has never since been able to so much as openly date women from his own culture?</div>
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So now, when I speak out, am I bravely, eloquently and humorously sharing my experience, and getting shut down by nay-sayers and people who need to protect the PR, the image, the self-esteem of what remains of the TW Plymouth Brethren movement worldwide? Upsetting people who love darkness rather than light because their ecclesiastical dealings are more than a bit dubious? So, as this "victim" I'm of great help and encouragement to all of the other "victims" who thought they were the only one? And to those who thought they were one of only a few, when in fact we are legion? </div>
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Is it an act of love for all of the many, many people struggling through situations similar enough to derive comfort and help from reading about my experience? Is it an act of loving and serving God, with me outlining what a renewed focus and understanding of love looks like, despite severe detriments to that very thing in my upbringing and current standing with my birth culture?</div>
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Or is it the opposite? Am I the son of a known trouble-maker at Meeting, abrasively, coldly causing trouble just like my abrasive, cold father did? Someone who never really attended meeting very regularly in his adult life and started right in going to movies and concerts, drinking socially and playing rock and roll music in bars not long after he moved out from his parents'? </div>
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Someone who can't get along with people and simply thrives on conflict? Someone who is always obsessively making bitter, spiteful, perverse things with apparently no purpose other than to hurt the people who hurt him?<br />
Someone who left the Gathered Saints in spirit long before, the excommunication of whom was, at that point, a formality, really. Someone who did not fit and was generally a fount of negativity, and who <i>continues </i>to be a fount of negativity, which goes a long way toward justifying the wisdom and necessity of his excommunication? </div>
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Someone who, as an outsider, creeps in stealthily from time to time and spies out and reveals unfortunate Brethren things which really ought to be kept hid, in the name of love and mercy and a Christian spirit? A traitor and betrayer of his own people, an intruder and wolf among the sheep, who needs to be stopped?</div>
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Am I a good person doing a good thing or a bad, dangerous, crazy person doing a bad, dangerous, crazy thing? </div>
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Am I both? Neither? </div>
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I think I'll go with neither. Because t's much more complicated than that. It almost always is.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-64816485918846363842015-09-06T12:32:00.003-04:002015-09-06T21:11:46.921-04:00Sex is a Tough One<div style="text-align: justify;">
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Talking with various Christian women about the <a href="http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/josh-duggar-chilling-molestation-confession-in-new-police-report-59752">Josh Duggar thing</a> and learning more than I wanted to about it from Facebook links and discussion got me thinking. Sex is its own special level of human. You can be part of a college society or church culture or movement, and decide ambitiously that what's going on in the world, in terms of sex, has got to change, stop or be revisited. You can do that. You can make t-shirts and have a slogan, but something soon becomes very clear: sex is a deep, deep part of people's identity. It's not just beliefs. It's not just ethics. It's who people are.<br />
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I think if I draw a lesson from the Josh Duggar scandal, it's that whether you're living a pious looking life for God or just wanting to look Christian for other people looking on, and as part of your own self-image, makes all the difference. And I think you might not know how much of the former is missing, without some very real soul searching. Do you keep yourself from being messed up inside, or does Christ? Are we "normal" until we indulge ourselves in secret perversions, or are we born and raised with dark stuff in us that needs to be redeemed by God, quite beyond anything we can do or vow or be?</div>
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Does Christianity mainly give you a human system with a whole lot of rules to help you maintain a (false) image of superior purity? Or do you know Christ and does he know you? Is it a relationship or a role? Is it something that grows out of your heart, or is it a shirt you put on each morning, to look decent and successful, and feel good about yourself? </div>
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I guess what I tend to do when faced with Fundamentalists Gone Wrong situations like Josh Duggar (and of <i>course </i>not all Fundamentalists go wrong), is I contrast the fundamentalist culture with the one most people grew up in, to see the differences. (The main difference of course, is in what each one claims.)</div>
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Of course some kids raised with no real religion in their lives grow up to become sexually depraved people too, but I think it might be good (though deeply disturbing) to see what kind of a "spin" the fundamentalist upbringing puts on these kinds of human beings, all the while claiming to be producing more spiritual people than the irreligious homes are. The irreligious homes claim, at best, to be trying to raise kids who are "normal." The religious homes claim so much more.<br />
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I think most would agree that males being powerfully drawn to see and touch female bodies is pretty normal. Healthy, some would even say. Less worrying than the alternative. However, many people would say that someone like Josh Duggar started out pure and innocent, and then got led astray and corrupted by pornography or a twisted attitude about women. I would disagree and say that like everyone, Josh Duggar started out with less than ideal stuff in the dark recesses of his psyche, right from the beginning, and that to most looking on now, it really doesn't look like Christ was at work in him, fixing all that up. In over twenty years, anyway, he hasn't stopped hurting people. And his Christianity seems to have been more of a shield, a fresh coat of gleaming whitewash on a tomb full of rot, than something which healed and helped him.</div>
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I was raised a fundamentalist Christian kid, with just as many rules and as much structure, and I didn't end up like Josh Duggar. This isn't down to me being better at keeping rules, or not being messed up in my teens. I can see only one answer: I believe that throughout my life, Christ has been at work, tinkering with the dark stuff in my subconscious. Making it into light. But hearing about Josh Duggar makes me imagine how his life trajectory differed from mine. It's a very dark thing to think about.<br />
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What I want you to do, if you read this, is look for Christ in all this. The fundamentalist kid I will envision has his life filled to the very brim with what could only be described as "Christian activity." Evangelical stuff. But look for Jesus as an active agent in things and you don't see him. He's more of a mascot. Look for love and you don't see it. Not really. Look for someone "doing all the Christian stuff" and you have no trouble. But look for fruit of redemption, and you have a different task entirely. Look for someone keeping an awful lot of rules and you'll see that. Look for someone who is motivated by love for God and others, and it's quite a different story.</div>
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For the purposes of this troubling thought exercise, I'm going to call the top-flight fundamentalist kid "Jorah" and the kid with no particular religious upbringing "Tanner." We're going to say that Tanner's folks are kind of Baptist, but don't really go to church except (sometimes) on Christmas and Easter. Tanner is not being raised to be <i>specially</i> Christian. His family just wants him to grow up to be reasonably healthy and happy. Normal. Jorah, by contrast, is being raised to be a kind of Christian far more dedicated even than anyone from their church. We're going to say that Jorah not only goes to between three and six church-related activities per week, but also hears the bible read (and presented as evidence that his family's lifestyle is the only correct one) after supper every single day.<br />
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Jorah is also supposed to read a chapter of the bible every morning, and often he does, interpreting it in the light of what he hears several times weekly from the mouths of older men in his church group. He prays when he wakes up, before each meal, and before bed. Mostly he prays that God will help him keep the rules. He prays that his "daily walk" look Christian enough. He asks that others might be encouraged to become Christians, by seeing how he lives and how happy he is.</div>
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The favourite topics of discussion during church and surrounding it in Jorah's week are how perverted America is getting, with abortions on the rise, same-sex marriage being legalized by the Democrats, and the creeping horrors of pop music, the Internet, movies and videogames, and how this is all a consequence of the scriptural roles for men and women having been abandoned. Women are trying to be men, they groan, and men are often expected to be subservient to women. Some men are even turning <i>into </i>women! The proper role of women is to raise a house full of healthy Christian babies. Sadly, in modern homes, there's nobody home. Dad's at work and so is Mom. We're leaving schoolteachers the job of parenting our kids.<br />
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Jorah's mom is always at home. And she parents all of her numerous kids.</div>
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Across town, in a somewhat more modest house, and with only the two kids, Tanner's mom has a part-time job. They need the money. Tanner reaches puberty, having always noticed his parents laughing at slightly off-colour jokes on TV, and with the understanding that sex is one of the most pleasurable things human beings do, and the most natural. Sex is normal, it's just something for adults. Something private, but for everyone. He knows that the world has guys and girls in it, and that when he approaches his teenage years, Tanner can expect to find himself feeling very natural and healthy attraction to (most likely) members of the opposite sex.<br />
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When Tanner's laundry shows signs of the advent of his puberty, his mother rolls her eyes and says "You're going to be out dating all the girls soon!" and Tanner's dad sits him down and explains that sex and attraction to members of the opposite sex (or maybe even the same sex?) are very normal. That dating is fun. That he's a good-looking kid and can get girlfriends, if he learns to be charming and dress well. Tanner is taught repeatedly that girls can do anything that boys can do, and that society is working very hard to try to ensure that men and women are treated the same. At school, Tanner is told about contraception and learns far more about male and female human reproductive anatomy than he is really interested to pass tests upon.<br />
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At home, Tanner's dad gets teased about having a deep crush on Angelina Jolie, watching even her very worst movies over and over. If sex scenes come on the TV while Tanner is in the room, things get perhaps a bit awkward and quiet until they pass. Often Tanner's mom defuses that mood with jokes at Ms. Jolie or whomever's expense. Tanner is taught to expect that he can look forward, when he is ready, to dancing with young girls his age, and that kissing, dating, fooling around and all of that, are inevitabilities for him. </div>
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Jorah, across town, reaches puberty, having always noticed his parents looking embarrassed or turning off the TV if there are even slightly off-colour
jokes or suggestions of sexual activity on it, and with the understanding that sex is one of the deadliest, most inviting traps for Christians, in terms of making bad choices and messing up their lives. Mostly the family watches Disney movies and Christian DVDs to avoid corrupting content.<br />
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The world has
guys and girls in it, and Jorah is warned that as he approaches his teenage years, he can expect to find himself feeling frighteningly strong, hard-to-control attraction
to (hopefully!) members of the opposite sex. And he has to <i>fight </i>those urges. Kill them. With Christianity. Because Jorah will not be dating or fooling around with or marrying anyone who doesn't share his beliefs, of course. And he has to wait for marriage to kiss or fool around or dance with girls. And the way <i>those girls</i> dress uptown...! Making guys suffer with their male burdens.<br />
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When Jorah's laundry
shows signs of the advent of his puberty, his mother talks to him about how girls have so many ways to trick and entice young Christian men, and he has to stay away from those girls and obey God. She explains that men cannot say no to sex like women can, and so the only solution is to never look at anything sexually stimulating, nor be alone with any girls, ever. Especially dirty girls who are looking to entice him with the loaded weapons of their powerful sexuality. Tanner's
dad sits him down and explains that sex and attraction to members of the
opposite sex are the most troubling things Christian men have to face. He repeats his wife's message about men not being able to say no to sex, and keeps repeating "Men are like animals. Sex is an animal urge. We can't control it. We have to be very careful we're never in a position where we need to say no, because we can't trust our flesh to obey us when we do."<br />
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Jorah is taught repeatedly that it is the role of the man to be the head of the home, and that females obey, first fathers and brothers and church men, and then later, their husbands. (Jorah is home-schooled, and due to the particular parents he has, the above lectures are the extent of his sexual education. He certainly has no suspicion that something called a "clitoris" exists, or that women have orgasms too. His sisters are taught that husbands demand sex, so if wives want babies, they need to lie there and think of something else until he's done. Otherwise they won't be able to keep him.) <br />
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Jorah's dad hopes no one comments on his watching Angelina Jolie's very worst movies over and over. If anyone is in the room, he always skips any sex scenes or even ones with kissing, but then when he is alone, he goes back and rewatches those scenes over and over. Jorah has caught his father doing this. Jorah knows that he can certainly never dance with young girls his age, and prays earnestly that kissing,
dating, fooling around and all of that, are things that, he will manage to steer clear of. Dating is for lesser people who aren't living to please God.<br />
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Jorah has been taught that he has to wait for God to provide him a wife. And God will. By 25, with any luck. Jorah's a clean-living, bible-reading guy. So, of course God will.</div>
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In Jorah's culture, everyone gets married quite young, it seems. (Well, everyone worth mentioning. There's no telling with weird people, of course...) Jorah and his contemporaries are told that this spousal delivery is God honouring their Christian walks. More cynical folk might claim that, just as Tanner's mom made sure that every single time he put a tooth under his pillow, that it got replaced with money, and every time he left cookies for Santa, they got eaten, that Jorah's culture makes sure that almost no one makes it to twenty-five without a spouse. There are youth events and teen camps. There is even a camp for people over 25 who haven't found anyone. It's an infrastructure created for that purpose. But when Jorah's culture decides that a young person has likely been not walking a very Christian path, something else happens. Sometimes Jorah's culture makes absolutely certain that people's kids do not so much as date or ride alone in the car with that offending young person, who is no longer welcome at youth events can just go to a less hard-core church for a spouse. </div>
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Across town, eleven year old Tanner is watching a lot of Megan Fox movies, as he has a crush on her. Then he looks at pictures of naked women on the 'net. His mother isn't pleased with this, and tells him that real women don't look like the ones in the pictures he's looking at. But she is careful to say that males being interested in pictures of naked women is certainly understandable. Tanner dances with girls in gym class at school when they learn square dancing, and at high school dances and parties, Tanner starts dating girls. Mostly, the girls Tanner dates at first do not want to have sex, and Tanner's first romantic relationship, in grade 9, is pretty chaste. Tanner gets crushes on various girls in high school, and goes through the usual giving of little compliments and flirting on social media and by grade 11, has fooled around a bit with two girls. In grade 12, he gets a more serious girlfriend and they start having protected sex. Their relationship lasts two months. Tanner is heartbroken when the relationship falls apart, but then graduates high school and goes off the college, where he has a couple of one-night stands before meeting Amanda, the girl he will move in with.</div>
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The summer when he is nine, Jorah watches a lot of Megan Fox movies as well. At first. Then he looks at
pictures of naked women on the 'net. His parents are seldom out of earshot, his younger sister tattles on him, and he is caught. Jorah's mother cries bitter tears, asks God what she's done wrong as a mother, and tells Jorah that this is a very serious sin that he's fallen into. Jorah loses Internet access for a month, and then stricter Internet blocking measures are put in place in the home. Jorah understands that this is necessary because of his new-found, uncontrollable animal urges. On a deep level, the idea that his urges as so dangerous and strong is a point of pride. Jorah is told more and more franticly that he needs to take sexual sin more seriously, and that men are <i>animals </i>about sex, and that women who entice men using their sexuality are leading the men straight to hell.<br />
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Being homeschooled, On a weekly basis, Jorah sees only his younger sisters, and the few girls his age who attend his church. Four of the girls at his church go to conventional school and two of the four are his cousins. Abigail, the other home-schooled girl, though 15, seems to have no concept of sexuality being "a thing" at all, and certainly has no interest in boys. Abigail thinks Jorah is creepy.<br />
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Before she was married, Jorah's mother used to enjoy line-dancing, so she teaches Jorah how to line-dance with her in their living room, even signing him up for a few lessons uptown until she sees the girls who are in the class, and hears the lyrics of some of the songs danced to, and pulls Jorah out of the lessons immediately. Jorah often flatters his mother by telling her she is his "girlfriend."<br />
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Since ten years of age, Jorah has been stealing his sisters' and his mother's underthings and hiding them in his sock drawer. When female cousins or friends of his younger sisters visit, Jorah often takes something from their luggage. It is when he is studying the 10th grade materials from the Abeka curriculum that Jorah first starts touching his youngest sisters when they are sleeping. When they wake up, he threatens them with small threats, to make them be quiet. He tells them that he is older, and he is a boy, so they will do what he says. At age 16, Jorah gets a cell phone which he uses to surf the Internet, unsupervised, using wifi he surreptitiously picks up from the neighbour's home, which isn't blocked like the wifi in their own house. Jorah has never experienced a girl wanting him to take an interest in her body, nor even seen depictions of this, and so in his fantasies and in his Internet browsing, the sexual scenarios he prefers tend to involve him touching and undressing sleeping, drugged or coerced young girls. </div>
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At age 18, Jorah is still living at home. He has taken several more high school courses than is necessary for graduation, and has started taking a few distance learning courses for college, but has not moved out nor attended a class at college. He still occasionally touches his youngest sisters during the night, but has never penetrated them, as he is very conscious of preserving his own all-important virginity for marriage. Jorah feels pangs of guilt over what he's doing with his youngest sisters and confesses what he has done to his father on two occasions. His father prays with him and tells him God forgives him and not to do it again. Neither tell Jorah's mother what is going on. She knows and doesn't mention it, as she is trusting her husband to handle it and being in subjection to him. Jorah is back doing it again a week later.<br />
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Jorah goes to a Christian camp and is introduced to a 16 year old girl named Jael who has been raised just like Jorah has. She has a brilliant smile and perfect teeth. Their courtship lasts four months. One night on the way back from a hymn sing, Jorah pressures Jael to touch his penis on threat of breaking up with her, and being a very meek and mild girl, she eventually does. Jorah tells Jael that she has to marry him now. That no other guy would want her, now that she's touched another guy's penis (and seemed to almost enjoy it). Jael has her reservations, but Jorah is certainly a very godly, bible-taught, serious young Christian man. He doesn't drink alcohol or smoke or swear or laugh at dirty jokes. He works in his father's Christian book store. He dresses business casual at all times and doesn't listen to any music but Christian contemporary, classical and opera, which his parents instilled a love for in him from a very young age as infinitely <i>superior </i>to rock and roll and pop and rap. He <i>always </i>has a nice shirt. Jael's waist-length hair is always shining and perfect. She always smiles her perfect smile if anyone speaks to her in any way.</div>
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So Jorah and Jael are married, Jael wearing her perfect smile and her equally white dress. Jorah has turned 19 and Jael has turned 17. At their wedding, much is made of how special and rare it is to see two young people living according to scripture, and remaining virgins until their wedding night. When the priest says "You may now kiss the bride," everyone knows that this is the first kiss this young couple has enjoyed. And it is. Jorah has never kissed a girl before his wedding day nor seen an girl his own age naked in real life. On their wedding night, Jorah is annoyed if Jael doesn't lie very still and keep quiet. Jael lies still and thinks about something else, as her mother taught her. Sure enough, she soon falls pregnant.</div>
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Five years later, Jorah and Jael have four children and another is on the way, Jorah is running his father's Christian book store, is assistant youth pastor at his church, and is the subject of a well-known reality television show about How Christians Live. Tanner isn't very into the show, but his partner Amanda watches it religiously, so he kind of has to. Jael's smiling face tells everyone that living this way is the key to True Happiness. At the beginning of each episode, Jorah is filmed saying grace for the all-organic food Jael prepares, asking God to help each and every one of them in their growing family live to please Him. So much easier, he prays, to simply live more conventional modern lives, like people who don't truly know God. But <i>they </i>are committed to Him.<br />
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The show depicts Jorah reading from the bible each day and praying, and teaching his little girls that God's special plan for girls is to always be obedient to their fathers, brothers and husbands. Everyone in the family always seems so happy. Jorah's little girls happily singing Christian songs is a favourite part of the show for many. It all seems too good to be true.</div>
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Twenty-two year old Jael, always pregnant, has never really developed much interest in sex and secretly Jorah has been not only pursuing some very dark avenues of non-consentual and underage-themed pornography online, but has also joined the Ashley Madison adultery-facilitation website. Jorah has accused Jael of gaining too much weight for him to be attracted to her. Jael does not mention how much weight Jorah has gained, from second and third helpings of the lavish meals she prepares for the family.<br />
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Jorah first has sex with a married Ashley Madison contact eight months into Jael's first pregnancy. This pattern continues. Once, Jorah confesses what's going on to his father, and his father prays with him and tells him he is forgiven. At first Jorah had been trying to simply <i>order </i>Jael to satisfy his needs daily, as the head of the home, and Jael had been crying a lot. Both feel it is his right, according to scripture, to have his understandable husbandly needs met. The needs that had always been seen as out of place and dangerous in Jorah's teens are now seen as the ones that come <i>first </i>in the house he works to pay for.</div>
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While the cameras are rolling, Jael always has her perfect smile pasted in place, but she looks tired. On camera, Jorah is fatherly, kind, patient and in control at all times, with his young kids and his wife. Jael is homeschooling the kids of course, though she has never earned her own high school equivalency, having gotten married at 17. The folly of post-secondary education for women had always been preached upon very regularly at her church as well as at Jorah's.</div>
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And then it's all over the news. The reality show abruptly goes off the air. Press conferences are called. Amanda follows the story of Jorah's tearful confessions, which he is pushed to when his teenage sisters and a teenage cousin come forward. Amanda tells Tanner she can't <i>believe</i> Jael, filmed sitting on the family couch beside Jorah, hand on his knee, perfect smile in place, saying she forgives and supports Jorah, and that his infidelity is partly her fault, for not being a proper, accommodating, desirable, attentive wife, as laid out in scripture. </div>
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Then when the Ashley Madison database is hacked, and Jorah's name, payment and preferences come to light the next week, Tanner isn't really surprised. And Amanda starts watching more Cake Boss instead.<br />
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Tanner's parents, and Tanner himself, had no loftier goal or claim than that he grow up to be "a normal guy." And Tanner is that. A normal guy. Jorah isn't that. He grew up with parents who were striving for levels of piety that go beyond what is natural. Supernatural levels of purity and piety. But God doesn't appear to have stepped up. Jorah and family have gone out on a limb farther than God would support. Perhaps it is better to say that, on a heart-level, God was never really included in the life. That there was <i>something else </i>there that was being trusted in. Something all too human. Something we are used to calling Christianity. Rules and vows. Not laughing at off-colour jokes. Not watching <i>The Walking Dead</i>. Not having tattoos or piercings. A great deal of bible reading and church involvement. Yet Someone is missing, still. At the heart of things. And there is no readily discernible fruit of salvation. No redemption work clearly going on inside Jorah, despite the continual on-camera and at-church preaching about it. Love, joy, peace and the rest of them have become things Jared and Jael cannot any longer fake convincingly.<br />
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Jorah's father puts him into rehab for Christian sexual addiction. But Jorah isn't really a Christian sex addict. He's just an asshole with a lot of money.</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1712738489797608625.post-88256943679927564172015-09-03T20:46:00.000-04:002015-09-06T18:31:33.357-04:00It's Ready! Get Yours Now!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A_NgQcYab8I/VejrFBu_gyI/AAAAAAAABTQ/jJDN9brKCq8/s1600/Promotional%2Bcover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="436" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A_NgQcYab8I/VejrFBu_gyI/AAAAAAAABTQ/jJDN9brKCq8/s640/Promotional%2Bcover.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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"Just being right about a few things doesn't make you a good person."<br />
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Special advance release of <i>I Was A Teenage Pharisee</i>! <br />
Available at:<a href="http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/i-was-a-teenage-pharisee/16685086" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://www.lulu.com/…/pap…/i-was-a-teenage-pharisee/16685086</a></div>
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Harold says "This book is you getting to the bottom of the truth of what God isn't."<br />
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And it's not just my story anymore. This book features people from a
number of different Brethren (and a few other) backgrounds comparing their
upbringings. Gospel Hall Brethren, Needed Truth Brethren, Renton Brethren, Tunbridge Wells Brethren, and even the
infamous Taylor-Hales Brethren. Fond memories. Funny memories. Heart-breaking memories.<br />
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A Christian upbringing is supposed to be a really wonderful thing. So what goes wrong? Children are raised in an environment which tells them weekly that God loves them and Jesus died for them. Somehow what gets imprinted on their hearts is shame, fear and enslavement to a lifelong burden. The obligation to satisfy every expectation of church people (living and dead) as to how their lives "look" and what message they send.<br />
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Why does a simple message about rejoicing in a loving God seem to require a complicated religious system to convey it? One which requires people to sacrifice all of the things that would give them the most joy, upon the dark altar of a Shame god who apparently delights in that? Whose fun is somehow spoiled if we have any at all? How does "be careful for (about) nothing" turn into "worry all the time, about everything"?<br />
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Mainly, this tome is about legalism. The letter of the law. What was wrong with the Pharisees. Needing to "be right" but not being a good person despite all of that focus upon correctness. Why is legalism so appealing? Why do
legalistic people stay, while the more open, loving people leave, whenever Christians
throw down? Why is there <i>such </i>a correlation between people who abuse others (particularly children) and the same people seeking and being given positions of authority? What is the extent of the damage done by legalism? What fuels it and what beats it? Why can't people who bear the marks of a legalistic upbringing simply "move past" it and "put it behind them"?<br />
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Most importantly, how do you <i>repent </i>of being a teenage Pharisee? How do you stop the cycle, and become neither the kind of person who used to smack you with the legalism stick when you were younger, nor the predicted reprobate prodigal son they warned you you'd become? How do you move beyond all that and find God, yourself, and freedom?<br />
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It's serious stuff, but also, there's a lot of humour in all this. Because there's got to be, right?</div>
Wikkid Personhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16258095390251609486noreply@blogger.com0