The Whys Have It

  (Note: after writing this blog entry, I wrote and quickly, sloppily recorded this song)

  There's been a lifelong progression as to why the sacrifices in my life were being made.  When I was a kid, I kinda had these things sacrificed for me (I had no say in the matter and was punished every time I expressed any interest in not making these sacrifices meekly and without question):

-the 80s pretty much as a decade
-being part of Canadian culture and my age group

-trying to be fashionable or cool

-expressing myself by my hairstyle and clothing choices

-all forms of entertainment and pop culture (including the music, television and movies of the time)

-dating girls who didn't go to our church

-alcohol

-smoking

-gambling

-voting 

-slangy, fashionable, vulgar or overly colourful language

-emotional expression in most of its forms

-discontent, questioning, defiance, dissent 

-any Christian replacements for pop music or videos or the like 

  Now, that may not seem like much (and I've never learned what the appeal of smoking, gambling or voting is at all), but what making these sacrifices does is it leaves you cut off from the culture and world going on around you.  The question always was "Why is all of this being sacrificed?  You seem deeply unhappy and your life is extremely lonely, boring, empty, pointless and depressing.  So, why?"

  To begin with, the answers were as follows:

-because God requires this

-because you will be rewarded for these sacrifices when you get to heaven

-because our church is the only right one, and you need to live like this to be a part of the Only Right Church

-because God will only bless you (add success into your life) if you make these sacrifices

-because God does not bless people who don't make these sacrifices

-because good people make these sacrifices

-because you're better than "all of that stuff"

-because you can hold a position of responsibility and respect one day in your church if you do

  Well, it turns out that as far as I can tell, God didn't want all of that.  I think this neo-pharisee, nouveau puritan lifestyle was actually sinful, self-indulgent and excessive, and something I have to get over on earth, rather than being rewarded/reimbursed for in heaven.  All abstinences are by definition immoderate.  Our church was wrong about many things, including about them being The Only Right One.  Also, despite making these sacrifices, I was never really a part of that church, and many people who did not really make these sacrifices at all were and are part of it to this day.  Things have changed.  Also, they now hold positions of responsibility and respect sufficient to involve excommunicating my whole family for not supporting their authority to excommunicate others, then they can enjoy going home and having a beer in front of the TV.  I have met many good people who do not make sacrifices of these kinds.  They are generally more joyful and healthy.  I was not better than "that stuff."  I was a religious prick.  As the years have gone by, I've seen God bless screwups and sinners, addicts and assholes of every stripe but a religious one.  Jesus treated religious people completely differently from how he treated everyone else.  And God has not blessed any of that sacrifice-making.  He has asked me to repent of the piety of it.   It wasn't just all for nothing.  It was actually misguided, life-damaging and bad.   And it wasn't just the What.  The Whys were all wrong too, it turns out.  Often, that's more important.