I've never had a young woman put me in handcuffs before. She was gentle. She was the border guard at the US-Canadian border.
When she put my name into her system, someone with my identical first and last names and birthdate who's always in trouble with the law, who lives in my area came up, and her screen hooted quietly with a "submarine diving" klaxon sound. Six border guards materialized from nowhere, hands on sidearms. I was cuffed and led across the lanes of cars into the Homeland (Fatherland) Security office.
They patted me down a few times rather vigourously, then took one hand out of the cuffs in order to cuff me to a bench set in concrete. I let them know of their error once they asked, and suggested that, as they always ask "Do you have any tattoos?" that the man they thought I was probably had tattoos, and I do not. They scurried out to their computer and came back in later saying this was true, and that "I" was also supposed to be about 6 inches taller.
Without removing my right arm from the cuffs, they got me to show them my right shoulder and shoulder blade (no easy feat) to see that there were no tattoos. There was a lengthy process afterward anyway. They guards were slightly amused and very apologetic, and joked around embarassedly with me. They also had to give me a Homeland Security "Your Border Experience Comment Card" to fill out like at MacDonald's, but with "Was the officer who detained you courteous and professional?" and "Did you feel you were detained because of racial profiling, or other reasons?"
I went to Best Buy, hoping to see the movie Once for sale, with thoughts of buying Stardust if it was cheap also. I didn't expect them to have Once, but when I walked into the store, the front "Christmas Display" table had the two films sitting side-by-side for $20 each. It's nice having Canadian money be worth the same as American.
Also, the Reese's Peanut Butter Commemorative Elvis Banana Creme cups that I didn't get to try in Graceland last July, and which, it turns out, they do not sell in Canada, were on sale in New York State, so I got some. Quite good, actually.
My folks had given me my Christmas presents right before I left. I got a "Dr. Seuss' WWII editorial cartoons" book, Jon Stewart's America (the "Teacher's Edition," corrected in red throughout by a college professor) and some stuff like that.
While in New York state, I ate at The Cracker Barrel (I had catfish again, and warm chocolate pecan pie, I'm afraid) and got my dad a Hee Haw DVD there. I got to my uncle the optometrist's (in New Jersey) late, but he still did an amazingly thorough job of making a slightly adjusted prescription to deal with nearsightedness and astigmatism properly. His professional patter reminded me of an extremely laid-back magician's ( "First there was one, but now there are two... now you should see a hot air balloon, but now it should be gone, now two, now just one...right now it's off-centre, tell me when the two are lined up perfectly" ) He also helped me pick out new glasses frames. I got ones with magnetic sunglass clip ons that look very Matrix-y. He can get contacts and glasses much more cheaply than McLensCrafters sells them for, so he's going to mail me some and I can PayPal him.
I also saw a cousin of mine who I rarely see and enjoyed, and was given the recipe for, some excellent ziti.
Then it was off to New York City, and Brooklyn. M and I stayed up 'till all hours showing each other YouTube stuff we and our friends did, and other stuff on there, and laughing and laughing. The "Jake E. Lee Shreds" video was a particular favourite.
When she put my name into her system, someone with my identical first and last names and birthdate who's always in trouble with the law, who lives in my area came up, and her screen hooted quietly with a "submarine diving" klaxon sound. Six border guards materialized from nowhere, hands on sidearms. I was cuffed and led across the lanes of cars into the Homeland (Fatherland) Security office.
They patted me down a few times rather vigourously, then took one hand out of the cuffs in order to cuff me to a bench set in concrete. I let them know of their error once they asked, and suggested that, as they always ask "Do you have any tattoos?" that the man they thought I was probably had tattoos, and I do not. They scurried out to their computer and came back in later saying this was true, and that "I" was also supposed to be about 6 inches taller.
Without removing my right arm from the cuffs, they got me to show them my right shoulder and shoulder blade (no easy feat) to see that there were no tattoos. There was a lengthy process afterward anyway. They guards were slightly amused and very apologetic, and joked around embarassedly with me. They also had to give me a Homeland Security "Your Border Experience Comment Card" to fill out like at MacDonald's, but with "Was the officer who detained you courteous and professional?" and "Did you feel you were detained because of racial profiling, or other reasons?"
I went to Best Buy, hoping to see the movie Once for sale, with thoughts of buying Stardust if it was cheap also. I didn't expect them to have Once, but when I walked into the store, the front "Christmas Display" table had the two films sitting side-by-side for $20 each. It's nice having Canadian money be worth the same as American.
Also, the Reese's Peanut Butter Commemorative Elvis Banana Creme cups that I didn't get to try in Graceland last July, and which, it turns out, they do not sell in Canada, were on sale in New York State, so I got some. Quite good, actually.
My folks had given me my Christmas presents right before I left. I got a "Dr. Seuss' WWII editorial cartoons" book, Jon Stewart's America (the "Teacher's Edition," corrected in red throughout by a college professor) and some stuff like that.
While in New York state, I ate at The Cracker Barrel (I had catfish again, and warm chocolate pecan pie, I'm afraid) and got my dad a Hee Haw DVD there. I got to my uncle the optometrist's (in New Jersey) late, but he still did an amazingly thorough job of making a slightly adjusted prescription to deal with nearsightedness and astigmatism properly. His professional patter reminded me of an extremely laid-back magician's ( "First there was one, but now there are two... now you should see a hot air balloon, but now it should be gone, now two, now just one...right now it's off-centre, tell me when the two are lined up perfectly" ) He also helped me pick out new glasses frames. I got ones with magnetic sunglass clip ons that look very Matrix-y. He can get contacts and glasses much more cheaply than McLensCrafters sells them for, so he's going to mail me some and I can PayPal him.
I also saw a cousin of mine who I rarely see and enjoyed, and was given the recipe for, some excellent ziti.
Then it was off to New York City, and Brooklyn. M and I stayed up 'till all hours showing each other YouTube stuff we and our friends did, and other stuff on there, and laughing and laughing. The "Jake E. Lee Shreds" video was a particular favourite.
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