Raven-Taylor-Hales Exclusives Survey - Part 2

The first question in this section asked:

In what ways (if any) did your Brethren upbringing make it hard for you to connect with nonBrethren people? 

People said a lot of things which seemed to add up to an interesting double-whammy of acting or seeming outwardly closed-mindedly superior, but feeling shame-filled, awkward and inferior inside:

• low self esteem very judgemental 
• Their statements that there is nothing good out there and that we are the chosen ones which caused me to be too judgemental  
• I still have difficulty (47 years later) as a woman, speaking up in a group gathering. I tend to panic in large gatherings
• Lack of trust; my own lack of self-confidence in things such as etiquette; my inherent judgmentalism; my complete inexperience of being self-sufficient; my complete lack of experience in 'real' unconditional friendship & love.  
• extremely difficult for years,
• sense of being superior judgmental attitudes about others  
• Every way. I was taught not to connect with them. There was fear of connecting with the outsiders.
• I have a hard time meeting people, people think I'm snobbish but I'm just quiet until I get to know you
• brainwashed phobias  
• I often judged people before I really got to know them
• A complete lack of empathy for other cultures and belief systems. It was impossible (initially) to initiate and maintain any form of conversation or interaction on a deeper level than basic niceties.  
• We were taught we were superior to anyone else 
• the singleminded belief that we were so much holier 
• I was (and still tend to be) overly critical of others that didn't "fit the mold" of typical brethren lifestyle. Unfortunately, this trait shuts you off from seeing all the beauty of others, identifying with their pain, knowing their humanity.  
• none 
• in the beginning, difficult to fit in with friends and feeling free to do so! Also, not knowing a lot of different types of music or songs  
• Very hard as your entire social circle is within the Brethren group. I was always at a disadvantage even when encountering other Christians, as I thought we had “the light”. Didn’t know much about sport or tv or pop culture so found relating to people at school hard and had no knowledge of other Churches (apart from what we were taught, that they were all in error), so found relating to other Christians difficult. Found it difficult to trust people as in the Brethren you were always looking over your should in case someone might find fault with what you were doing. Found work environment difficult as was not supposed to “join in” so did not make lasting friendships 
• Brethren socially inept.  
• Overcoming the constant guilt disposition has released me to connect better with nonExB The ExB culture was about saving your own skin to the point of false accusations about others 
• superiority complex  
• No contact with the outside , No telly or eating or mixing with anyone not in the brethren 
• * Socialising forbidden with non-members. * Punishment for breaking above rule. * Employment within Brethren businesses. * All-Brethren schools. * Contact forbidden with non-Brethren family.  
• the feeling of superiority and "exclusiveness" that stopped me appreciating people for what they are for a while. Peebs look on the outside and judge people by their looks 
•  lack of social skills 
• Difficult with non Christians but to think there were so many Godly people out there that we didn't know about  
• others didnt understand me very well and I tended to mix with other ex PB's or family of them 
•  limited knowledge of popular culture i.e TV & Films, Music etc. Also not being allowed to mix with others when growing up limited my social skills to begin with 
• Didn't know their songs  
• Did not know many and was not used to dealing with 'worldly' people 
•  Made me keep to myself 
• Distance
• It was a little awkward at times but most people are understanding and were happy to explain what I might not understand 
• Lack of an established network of friends and family 
• almost completely cut off, especially once home-schooled 
• People don't understand why you would stay in such an oppressive environment 
• We weren't allowed to mix, so there was always someone spying, ready to dob lol  
• We were not allowed to connect with non brethren but when we left we managed fairly well thanks to endless kindness and understanding of colleagues and neighbours 
• separation belief residual  

 

People responding about bible familiarity as text comments said things like:

• Yes, it did but I think my bible college experience AND becoming a pastor's wife added to it.  
• I learnt some parts of the Bible but most of the so called “teaching” was all about following the rules of men so didn’t learn what might have been beneficial. When we decided to leave I spent 6 months doing in depth research into the teachings, doctrines and actions of the Exclusive Brethren  and then comparing it all to what the Bible taught. I learnt more about Gods Word in those 6 months and the 6 months after we left, than I had learnt in the 30 odd years in the Brethren ! My wife and I sometimes say it's only by the grace of God we became Christians while in the Brethren as real actual bible teaching was very thin. We are constantly embarrassed at how little we know when comparing the teaching in our new evangelical church to what we received in the Brethren, especially so when we discuss the Bible with other Christians who seem to know far more than we. This itself has been a shock to us as we spent decades being told that other Christians and other Churches don’t have the “light”, how wrong the Brethren are ! 
• Maybe in some ways as i have a depth of revelational understanding that i cannot attribute to my own Bible reading or prayer times and i still have a solid memory of some Bible contexts through the hymns, including several from Alexander's Hymn books,  
• got more in the Baptists at Sunday School etc

 

Text box comments yielded the following:

• I didn't "leave" of my free will - I was shunned and rejected because I was a daughter to a man who always had bristled against Jim Taylor's teachings.  
• I left a year after becoming a Christian

 

Then I asked

Do You Have A Favourite Bible Verse?:

• Luke 9:23
• many
• John 3:16 - the whole world; not just a select few. It's wider and deeper than ever portrayed in an EB mindset.
• Joshua 1:9
• lots - John 3 v 16 - Gal 5.1 - The whole of Ephesians 4 - and many others
• Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved
• Many, not just 1 :) Psalm 139 is really special right now, Ps 37 has been, always love the Lord telling Job - "where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth, tell me if you know so much ..." and the responses of Jesus as recorded in the Gospels always empower, encourage &/or inspire me.
• Jesus wept
• Yes
• The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. Etc. etc. (Psalm 23)
• Micah 6:8 - He has shown you O man, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
• Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
• no
• n0
• God has plans for you Jer. 29 v11
• from the Book of Job: "Yet man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upwards" (Ch. 5:7)
• no
• yes
• Jeremiah 29 v 11
• judge not lest ye shall be judged
• NO
• Sure - Joel 2 v 32
• Absolutely not. Do not know any
• What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.
• Romans 8:28
• In the beginning God created the heavens & the earth
• John 3:16&17
• no
• i still like the verses on the Proverbs 31 woman
• Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you" saith the Lord - "plans for GOOD and NOT EVIL"!!!!!
• Psalm 43
• Yes. When I call answer me oh God of my righteousness, in pressure they has enlarged me, be gracious unto me and here my call
• Jesus wept. It helps me knowing that he too felt sad about lost loved ones.
• The Lord is My Shepherd I shall not want ....and I have not wanted for 37 years However I will never become part of any organised religion again.
• judge not beware least you entertain an angel unaware
• John 3, 16.
• Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Psalm 85:10
• love thy neighbour as thyself
• No