Results from Taylor-Hales Exclusive Brethren Leaving Survey

I found it fascinating to "hear from" my own people last Christmas via survey as to why they left Brethren culture (either in their attitudes, or by attending elsewhere), and so when I started encountering people online from that scarier Brethren culture, that group which is led by a single, worldwide, "infallible" Man of God, the Raven-Taylor-Hales Exclusive Brethren, currently calling themselves the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church, I decided to poll them as well.

   I ponied up the money to make SurveyMonkey do a survey with more than ten questions, and I tried to ask questions that would paint a picture of what it's like for them.

    Now, I think it's important exactly when people left that movement, as it has gone through dramatic changes over the decades.  For example, people who (like most who answered my survey) left that movement several regime changes ago, and before cell phones and the Internet complicated the insulation/isolation/separation matter, would certainly have a different experience than people are having nowadays.
   Also, there was a scandal in 1970 in Aberdeen, Scotland, involving the group's global Man of God (like a pope, rather) being allegedly found in bed, drunk, unclothed with someone else's nearly naked wife, at a bible conference.  Unsurprisingly, most of those who answered my survey seem to have left because of, or in the aftermath of this incident. One respondent was part of the Renton Brethren, which appear to be a split-off from the Taylor-Hales, as a result of Aberdeen, which sounds as strict and controlling as the original movement.  On Facebook discussions, there was some resistance to the inclusion of "a Renton" in discussions of what it had been like to have been Exclusive Brethren.

   I had 44 respondents in a week, one of whom didn't actually fill out any of the survey, and one of whom was really doing it simply to object to there being a survey of this kind at all.

Leaving

Of the respondents who told me how long they'd been gone, only four had left more recently than seven years ago.  The vast majority of these people left in the 60s or 70s, when things were considerably less strict than they soon got afterward, several specifically citing the Aberdeen incident.

   As to how old respondents were when they left/were kicked out, the list was almost equally split between people who left in their teens and early twenties, and people who left in middle age.  19 respondents said they left/were kicked out by twenty years of age.

   As to whether they left due to negative things inside the culture, vs. positive things outside the culture which they felt they needed to leave in order to explore, the numbers broke down like this (you can click this graph to make it a bit bigger):

 

Respondents who filled in the text box in this area said things like:

• Because Jim Taylor hated our family and how many times we rubbed against his edicts. He called the local 'leaders' and specifically mentioned that my dad needed to get put out. 
• i did stupid stuff which meant i had to leave  
• didnt want to be living a lie. 
• my parents & family were shut-up then withdrawn from (ex-communicated from fellowship) there were attempts by the ExB to kidnap my younger sister and I and return us 'to the fold' but GOD had a better plan :)  
• kicked out onto the streets when I had reached 18 years old 
• It was about the time of Aberdeen and I got fed up with them trying to muck rake things in peoples lives, especially mine. 
• 1970 issue with Jim Taylor 
• wanted to be honestly myself instead of the pretense I was inside 
• Parents were kicked out so we were lucky 
• Forced out (excommunicated)  
• Withdrawn from against my will. 
• I was "withdrawn from", i.e. kicked out  
• Clear sense that things happening were unChristian and against all the teachings of our Lord Jesus. 
• just wanted to see what the outside was like. 

The Outside

For Raven-Taylor-Hales Brethren, leaving (either in one's attitude, or physically, which is pretty much the same thing for them) means the whole world, with clubs, Mcdonalds, Christmas, live music and televisions, movies and team sports, suddenly opens up.  One can choose one's own hairstyle and fashion.  Many respondents are clearly female, as they mention being able to wear trousers or have trimmed or styled hair for the first time.  I asked:

What are some of the things that you chose to add to your new life first?  

Respondents answered things like:

• socializing with non-EB people, movies 
• Learning as much as I can about the world around me, to better understand 'critical thinking' into my process of decision making, making friends that didn't fit the typical "acceptable" criteria of EBs, enjoying the arts (entertainment, music, literature) with freedom and gusto. 
• cut hair, see a movie, have freedom, have more freedom..... choose WHO I wanted to be in a relationship with....! 
• In no particular order 1. Joined a proper Bible based evangelical Christian Church much to our relief 2. Bought a TV 3. Started buying proper Christian teaching books 4. Started learning about actual real Church history 5. Started the process of deprogramming from all the harmful toxic teaching 6. Joined in fellowship, worship and communion with other Christians, a truly amazing feeling of breaking the chains of bondage 7. Quickly realized how much we had been lied to and deceived by the false teaching in the Renton Exclusive Brethren 8. Got re baptised at our request in a bona fide believers baptism (as we now recognise our infant baptism, disguised by Brethren as “household baptism”, with no profession of faith as my wife and I were obviously babies at the time) was unscriptural and we wanted to make a fresh commitment as believers in Christ 
• Holidays (Christmas, Easter etc.) Staying in semi-detached house. Eating with friends and neighbours
• camping on the beach, make up, jewellery, wearing pants 
• new found freedom, eg: TV was very exciting & I really liked to wear jeans & shorts - discovering people outside of the ExB loved Jesus too and were not all hell-bound evil freaks - I accepted the Lord Jesus as my Saviour 2 years after leaving ExB (age 11) and started reading a Bible for the first time in my life . . . !!!!!!! - staying at school and eating with the other kids at lunch time - growing hair back where scarves and clips were making bald patches on my head - music - for some reason, even as a young teen, I really loved Queen & Freddy Mercury, David Bowie, Abba and many of the New Romantics one hit wonders of the 1980's :) 
• stereo, yoga (which meant buying pants) taking family to first movie and restaurant, necklace, holiday to non-EB places, public library 
• Got into bad company, sent to Borstal (youth detention facility), not what I really chose but more of a consequence , But have moved on and now have a lovely wife and two marvellous sons and a granddaughter . 
• * Socialising/new friends * Travelling * Further education * Media (TV, radio, etc.)  
• going to concerts, parties, movies, making new friends, beach, church 
• wearing trousers, new friends, marriage 
• socialising, eating and drinking without separation, sleeping in 
• tv!  
• Realising there were other Christians outside 
• smoking, tv/radio, relationship 
• tv, radio, movies, sport, wearing slacks 
• eating with other people, having other people as friends, watching TV, seeing films 
• Nightlife, Music, Sport 
• Sports (cross-country skiing), Movies, Socializing at the local bar (yeah!) 
• Skiing, Running, Travelling abroad, Horse riding, Hang gliding, Gliding, Ice skating, Cycle touring, Kayaking 
• - bars - girlfriend - computers-internet - cell phone - travel vacation 
• Going to football matches, Partying 
• Travel. Boyfriend! Eating out  
• Television, record player, radio 
• Holidays  
• 1. Christian Church 2. Family & Friends that had left or been excommunicated years prior 3. Travel 
• Travel, New friends, Education, Sport, Enlightenment 
• university 
• Finding a DECENT church & then joining choir. Kids involved in youth group & sports and activities at school. Joining a Bible study.  
• movies, tv, computers
• TV. Radio. Jeans & shorts (I'm female). Eating at a restaurant. Joining a club (musical comedy theatre).  
• Friends we choose ourselves, Television & music, Working where and for who we chose, Travelling, Wearing clothes of our choice, Cutting my hair, Wearing make up, Own a pet, Go to the beach, Own a boat, Stay in a hotel, Eat in a Restaurant. Should I go on ? 
• freedom  
• Bought a motorbike, Holidays, Break from church 
• Continued and finished college. Got married to a Catholic 
• forming friend connections via a church dance, singing in public forum 
• Music, Movies, Genuine friends 
• Hair style, reconnect with family members who were out 

Next I asked 

What things (if any) did you try, but then decide they weren’t really "for you"? 

I got answers like:

• smoking a cigarette. tried weed once many years after I had left 
• church  
• I was taken by older siblings and friends to a Pentecostal Charismatic Bikey Worship group which freaked me out so much, I couldn't stop crying for a long time after . . . I totally love freedom in the Holy Spirit now - I was given my first cigarette at age 12 - hate what smoking does to our physical bodies now! - attempted to have short hair, but like it long now and only wear scarves when painting or need hair up for labour intensive tasks :) - I got some body piercing but now regret it, darn holes !!!! - tried marijuana, but hate that stuff and have since case managed people with drug induced psychosis caused by smoking that toxic weed!! - I took a 'walk on the wild side' became a prodigal, running from God, attempting to live both in the world and of it, but never really was for me . . . or for any of us if we want to get really honest !! 
• drinking parties with other ex-EBs, smoking, pubs and clubs 
• Drugs 
• Other churches!  
• hard drinking lifestyle, drugs 
• Pentecostal church  
• drugs 
• marijuana 
• hard drugs  
• clubs, discos 
• Dancing lessons  
• dating
• Keeping in touch with other ex brethren! 
• Nightclubs  
• night clubs 
• Porniography  
• Parties, where kids thought it was great to get rolling drunk - never been my thing. 
• Motherhood. Oops, too late once you've started.  
• clubs
• singles groups. 

The final question in this section was

What ended up being the single best thing that the Brethren culture was keeping you from enjoying freely? 

I got answers like:

• friendship
• GRACE! God's unconditional love and acceptance, which trickles down into freedom to see the world with eyes wide open rather than squinted shut.  
• being able to have a career as a married woman and having the choice to do so! I love working, being able to work part-time 
• Joining in fellowship, worship and communion with other Christians, from other Bible following Christian Churches, a truly amazing feeling of breaking the chains of bondage and being a real part of the Body of Christ. Together with being free to follow the Bible and enjoy our Christian life as Christ taught, not as taught by "commandments of men" which is what the Exclusive Brethren follow  
• The use of psychedelics 
• Freedom of choice 
• feeling free!  
• True Freedom in Christ Jesus - the religious spirit is so evil and makes a complete mockery of the Cross -  at age 10, I felt like I had landed on a completely new planet or been released from a concentration camp, and for the last 40 years, I have been on a quest to find my true identity not that which I was branded with at birth into the ExB based on false accusations, manipulative control & I must include here that the ExB are not the only ones I have experienced this evil carnal oppression from - there are some churches using some of the same strategies and a government department I worked for did also - so essentially, it is those things of the carnal nature as mentioned in Galatians 5:19 . . . 
• my mind 
• Feeling wanted and loved  
• I'm gay, so I guess being held back from being true to myself. 
• Freedom to be myself  
• making new friends 
• deciding things for myself based on personal ethics  
• freedom to choose 
• Entertaining guests
• freedom
• my family  
• other people 
• Free thought, free speech, free choice = freedom  
• Meeting & socializing with other Christians 
• Orienteering  
• internet-computors 
• Going to football matches  
• Making my own decisions & choices of how I lived & what I wanted to do with my life. 
• Fellowship with other believers irrespective of the narrow brethren point of biew  
• Holidays (Christmas, Easter etc.)
• The ability to socialize and be friends with wonderful people 
•  being myself, and feeling that I was ok 
• True Christian NONJUDGMENTAL fellowship  
• Freedom
• Integrity. (But 'music of all types' is a close 2nd!)
• Having children and knowing that we would not have to separate from them   
• freedom
• Freedom
• Social life (there were 32 brethren in my city) 
• dance
• Having a career  
• Freedom of choice, freedom to worship my God the way I choose 
• there is nothing particularly beneficial that i couldn't do inside the brethren  

Because there is so much of this, I am going to leave the rest for a second blog.